Unstable
by moonshoesangel
Summary: Blaine has schizophrenia. He finally snaps and Kurt is there to help him. May trigger. Read at your own risk. Self-harm, mental illness. Complete.
1. Speak

**Don't really know where this came from. One-shot angstyness. May trigger, so read at your own risk**

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><p>Kurt entered the institute like he did every Saturday morning. It had become a routine he wasn't proud of, but knew he had to continue for the next six months.<br>Kathy, the charge nurse, gave him a warm smile as he signed his name on the sign-in sheet he had become all too familiar with.

"How is he today?" Kurt asked, his voice betraying him by shaking.

"About the same. He still won't speak to us."

Kurt sighed and handed her the pen back. "Still tapping his fingers?"

Kathy nodded. "I think you're the only one who even has a clue what it means."

"Being with a man for so long tends to make it easier to read him," Kurt smiled faintly and grabbed the visitor's pass she slid under the window. He took out his phone, wallet and the photo he kept on him at all times- one of him and Blaine smiling at the camera as his Dad had snapped the picture. They had been on vacation during the summer of their senior year of high school. It was around the time that all of this had started- the shaking, the panicked glimmers in Blaine's honey eyes, the cutting.

Kurt walked down the white hallways, occasionally nodding a hello to the floor nurses or the janitorial staff. Everyone knew Kurt. Everyone knew Blaine as well. He approached room 431 and took a deep breath before turning the knob and entering the room.

Blaine was sitting on his bed in white scrubs, left wrist wrapped in bandages and a vacant expression planted on his face. His knees were drawn to his chest and he was tapping his fingers against his shin in a Morse code. Kurt wasn't a psychic- he couldn't read Blaine's wandering thoughts, but he knew when Blaine was remembering.

"Hey, sweetheart," Kurt said in a comforting voice. Blaine didn't look up. He simply stared straight forward, his fingers stilling.

Kurt moved slowly toward the bed, sitting on the empty space in front of Blaine. "How are you today?"

Blaine looked at Kurt slowly, their eyes never truly meeting. He took Kurt's hand and traced a word against his palm. 'Ok'.

"Have you been getting out like I asked you?" Kurt tilted his head. Blaine blinked before tracing another word into his hand. 'No'.

Kurt sighed and dropped his hand. "Baby, you won't get better if you don't try."

Blaine shook his head and lay back on the bed, turning on his side and drawing his knees into his chest tighter. Kurt never imagined seeing his lover so small,broken and defeated. Sure, Blaine was still alive, but his eyes were shining anymore. His skin was pale and his face was set in a lost expression. Kurt knew for the rest of his life, he would be fighting a battle with Blaine, but he was willing. He remembered that night two weeks before like it was only seconds before.

* * *

><p>"Hello?"<p>

_"K-kurt...help."_ Blaine stammered on the phone.

"Blaine! Baby, what's wrong?" Kurt sat up at the dinner table. Burt and Carol looked immediatly worried. Finn stilled his hand over a piece of chicken he was about to spear with his fork.

_"I...killed him."_

Kurt's heart stopped. "Who?"

_"Dad...I just killed him,"_ his voice was thick with tears and instability. Kurt could hear screaming sobs in the background. _"Mom...what do I do? She's down there and he's dead and I just-"_

"Blaine, just breathe, ok?" Kurt began to sweat and tears began to fall. How was he supposed to handle this?

_"I didn't mean to, I swear! He started yelling and I just couldn't take it. I don't even remember doing it! Oh, god why won't she just SHUT UP!"_

Blaine was starting to sound crazy, but Kurt would never say it out loud. "Blaine, stop! Call the police and say it was an accident."

_"She saw, Kurt, she saw everything! I can't-"_ he choked a sob. He heard Blaine moving around, a door open, footsteps thundering down stairs.

_"Blaine, what are you doing!"_ Kurt heard Blaine's mother's frightened voice. Kurt stood up and ran toward his coat, grabbing his keys off the hook by the door.

"Baby, just stop, I'm on my way."

Kurt didn't hear Blaine respond because he didn't. The Blaine he loved was gone, replaced by an angry monster. He heard the screams, the thuds the growls of anger, but he never heard Blaine answer him or stop. The call ended as Kurt had jumped into his car, Burt and Carol calling after him. He sped toward Westerville in a panic. His Blaine- the kind, gentle, loving Blaine that he met on the staircase at Dalton- had just killed his father and was losing his grip. Kurt knew he was putting himself in danger by going and his father would have greatly protested, but this was his Blaine. He couldn't just leave him.

When he arrived at Blaine's house, every light was shining through the windows. Kurt flung himself out of the car and sprinted to the door. The sight that met him when he opened it caused him to retch.

Carson Anderson was lying on the floor in the hall, his neck bruised and eyes opened and empty. Kurt averted his eyes from the body to look for Blaine. The blood trailing from the open archway toward the kitchen led to a pair of feet clad in house slippers. Kurt stepped slowly and peeked around the corner.

"Oh my god!" he cried, seeing Blaine's mother lying supine on the pristine white tile, blood dripping from her mouth, her cheeks stained with tears and her eyes as lifeless as her husbands. Kurt slid down the wall, trying not to vomit. He heard no signs of life in the house. He wiped his eyes and stood shakily.

"B-blaine?" he called out into emptiness. He heard shuffling in a corner in the living room. He charged forward to find Blaine sitting with his knees drawn up, staring at his mother and holding a knife in his hand tightly.

"Blaine, sweetie," Kurt said as gently as he could. "Give me the knife."

Blaine shook his head, his eyes shutting tightly.

"Baby, come on, we have to figure this out."

"They're better now, right?" Blaine asked, his voice shaking. "They don't have to worry about me. I can't disappoint them anymore."

Kurt covered his mouth with his hand to stifle a sob. "Blaine...give me the knife."

"I hated them so much, Kurt. They hated me, too."

"Blaine, stop."

Blaine's eyes snapped up and met Kurt's, a slightly crazed look glazing them over. "You're disappointed in me, too."

Kurt's eyes grew wide. "No, Blaine, I'm just scared. You're scaring me!"

"I ruin everything! I don't deserve you. You don't need me anymore," he gripped his hair and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Blaine, stop!" Kurt moved to pry Blaine's hands away, but the move was the wrong one. Blaine lunged forward and tackled Kurt to the ground, the knife cutting into Kurt's cheek. He let out a cry of pain as Blaine grabbed his wrists with one of his hands. Kurt struggled, tears burning his eyes and the salty tracks falling down into the deep cut on his face. Blaine kissed him roughly, his teeth digging into Kurt's lip and drawing blood. Kurt didn't want to, but he brought his knee up, kicking Blaine in the groin and shoving the boy off of him. Something like realization came over Blaine's face and he looked at Kurt, his eyes boring holes into Kurt's own eyes. Without breaking the gaze, Blaine stabbed himself in the wrist, dragging the knife across it.

"No, Blaine!" Kurt ran over and grabbed at Blaine's hand, but it was too late. Blaine dropped to his knees, his body beginning to give out due to blood loss.

Kurt pulled him close, blood seeping into his t-shirt, but he didn't care. He pulled out his phone and called an ambulance. He didn't tell them yet what had happened, but he was sure there would be questions.

Blaine was rushed to the hospital and had to be brought back to life a few times before he stabilized and they moved him to a room, Kurt sitting by his side as the nurse stitched his cheek. After several rounds of interrogation, a lie-detector test, and a mental evaluation of Blaine, they decided not to send him to prison.

Burt and Carol were in absolute shock. They sat next to Kurt in an office a week later, waiting on the results of the psychiatric evaluation.

"Blaine has severe schizophrenia and depression. He doesn't deal with his anger and something must have triggered him. From what Kurt here has told the police, his parents were very hard on him and his relationship with Kurt. The only reason he isn't in prison is because Blaine is not a bad person. He isn't a killer. We know from what you three and his friends have told us about him that he is a great kid with no history of violence whatsoever. These symptoms surfaced due to stress and non-treatment."

"How did we not notice? I mean, schizophrenia is very serious!" Carol asked him.

"It is. Blaine is very intelligent- well above average, actually. That is something many with schizophrenia have is great intelligence. Something triggered Blaine that night and we won't really know until he's ready to speak."

"Has he said anything at all?" Burt asked, rubbing his head.

"No...he keeps tapping his fingers against his knee as if he's trying to communicate, but no one knows what it means. He mumbles things occasionally, but nothing of real meaning. He did, however, say Kurt's name once."

Kurt looked up. "What did he say?"

"Just Kurt. It almost sounded like he was looking for you."

Kurt dropped his head into his hands and let out a sob. Carol pulled him into her arms and hugged him closely.

"We're going to help him, Kurt," the doctor leaned forward on his desk. "One day, he'll be better. We'll give him medication to control the triggers and we're going to have a psychiatrist come on three times a week. Visiting times are on Saturdays if you want to come see him. It may even help."

Kurt nodded and sat up, wiping his eyes, but minding the gash on his face. "I'm not going to leave him. Not like this."

Burt seemed a little hesitant, but Carol gave him a look, telling him they needed to support Kurt. The first visit had been a bit of a disaster, ending in Blaine having to be restrained to the bed and doctors ushering Kurt from the room. The next time, a nurse stayed with them and Blaine didn't look at Kurt.

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><p>Kurt moved forward on the bed and placed a hand tentatively against Blaine's curls, stroking them out of his eyes. Blaine closed his eyes against the comforting gesture. It was the first time Kurt had touched him without him freaking out.<p>

"You let me touch you," Kurt smiled at him. Blaine didn't respond. He simple sighed.

"You know, if you say something, it'll be much easier for me to know what you want," Kurt continued stroking his thumb over Blaine's temple. "You always write words into my palm or tap your fingers, but saying the words would be much easier. We could help you if you did."

Blaine opened his eyes and looked up at Kurt. It startled him at first because it was the first time since that night that Blaine looked straight into his eyes-  
>the last time being when he dragged the knife across his wrist. Blaine sat up slowly and placed a hand over the scar on Kurt's face, his eyes swimming at the sight of it.<p>

"Love," he said softly, his voice scratchy from lack of use.

Kurt's breath hitched momentarily. He missed Blaine's voice more than anything else. "Love what, baby?"

"You," he answered. Kurt squeezed his eyes shut and let the tears fall over Blaine's hand. Blaine moved to take his hand away but Kurt held his uninjured wrist to keep it there.

"You're doing so good, Blaine. Please keep talking. What are you thinking about?"

"Don't wanna," Blaine averted his eyes and stared at the bed.

"What?"

"Be here," he answered in a small voice. Kurt lifted his chin and brought his attention back.

"It won't be long, Blaine. When you're out of here, you can come home with me. You'll be better and I'll take care of you. One day, this will all be over and we can move away from here like you always told me we would."

The faintest smile appeared on Blaine's face, making Kurt's heart melt. Blaine moved to hug Kurt, but stopped, seeing the cut on his cheek and stopping to curl back into himself.

"No, Blaine, don't," Kurt stopped him and took Blaine's hands and wrapped them around his neck. Kurt slipped his arms around Blaine's thin body and pulled him close. Blaine didn't immediately hug back, but finally, Kurt felt his arms tighten and his head rest on Kurt's shoulder.

"You smell good," Blaine said against his neck. Kurt smiled.

"Thank you. You smell like a hospital, but I still love you."

Blaine sat up and smiled weakly. "Still?"

Kurt thought of the past month- the visits, the freak-outs, the death of Blaine's parents, the fear- and he thought of their future- more doctor visits, pills,  
>worrying about triggers and more fear- but Kurt simply smiled and brought his lips up to Blaine's, kissing him gently and resting his forehead against Blaine's.<p>

"Always, baby. No matter what."

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><p><strong>Just a little something i felt like doing. Breaking away from smut for a bit to do some angst. :P<strong>


	2. Going Through the Motions

**I know i have three other stories going on right now but I'm continuing this. I have no life anyway, so yeah...here ya go!**

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><p>Blaine fell asleep in Kurt's arms that afternoon after he started talking again. He didn't say much else, but Kurt couldn't be happier. When Kathy came in and told him it was time to go, he gently lay Blaine back on the pillow but didn't get far off the bed before a hand gripped his shirt.<p>

"Don't leave," Blaine's panicked voice broke through the silence.

"I have to, sweetheart. I'll be back the same time next week I promise."

A tear rolled down Blaine's cheek. Kurt's heart broke, but he put on a sweet smile and leaned down to kiss it away. "I promise, baby...I'll be back. I'll call during the week to check up on you as well, ok?"

Blaine reluctantly nodded and relinquished his grip on Kurt's shirt. Kurt brushed a curl off his forehead before kissing his lips gently and walking out of the room. When the door closed, he did as he often did after visits and slid down the wall, head in his hands, taking in everything that had happened that day.

"Are you ok, Kurt?" Kathy knelt beside him. He nodded against his palms and sniffed. "He spoke today."

Kathy's eyes widened in surprise. "What did he say?"

"Just that he loved me and he didn't want to be here...and I smelled nice," he smiled at the memory. Kathy placed a hand on Kurt's arm.

"Sweetie, you have to keep working with him. He trusts you. If you can get him to talk more, maybe he can start talking to the doctors and we can help him...until then...he's here."

Kurt sighed and nodded before Kathy helped him to his feet. He signed out and grabbed his phone, wallet and photo before exiting the large building and driving home.

* * *

><p>"So how did it go today?" Carol asked as they washed and dried dishes.<p>

"He spoke."

"Oh, that's wonderful! I'm sure it wasn't much though," Carol stopped and turned to him.

"No...just that he loved me..." Kurt felt the tears again. He did that a lot lately. Carol stilled his hands and put down the plate he was drying before taking his hands.

"Sweetie, I know you think this is never gonna get better, but it will. Don't give up on him, ok? He needs you."

Kurt bit back a sob. "I just don't know what to do. I go in there every Saturday trying to act like I don't remember what he did, but when I look at him, I look in his eyes and all I see is what he looked like when he killed them-"

Kurt couldn't hold back anymore. Carol wrapped her arms around him and he cried into her shoulder.

"I know, baby. You probably won't ever get over it, but he's sick. You know he would never have done it if he wasn't.

"I didn't think he would either way," Kurt cried, "He was so kind-"

"He still is, Kurt, we just have to find it again. Maybe you should do a little research on his condition- figure out what it's all about."

Kurt stood up and wiped his eyes, nodding. "You're right. I just feel so bad for him."

"Me too," Carol gave him a watery smile before placing a hand on his cheek, stroking the scar there with her thumb. "I bet he's just as scared of himself as you are when he sees this."

"He is," Kurt remembered him trying to hide himself again when he noticed it.

Carol kissed his cheek and took the rag from his hand. "Go relax, sweetie, I'll finish up."

Kurt smiled weakly at her and walked back out toward the living room. Burt and Finn were watching a baseball game, but Kurt couldn't bring himself to complain about it. He sat down in a chair across from Burt on the opposite side of the room and stared blankly at the TV.

"Was today a rough day?" Burt asked gruffly. He loved Blaine, but the thought that his son was still dating someone who had murdered his own parents, sick or not, set his teeth on edge.

"No...productive actually," Kurt replied flatly. There was always an air of awkwardness around the conversation, as it had been the past month.

"Is he...you know...acting right?"

Kurt furrowed his eyebrow. "He has a mental disorder, Dad. Of course he's not really acting right."

"He hasn't tried to hurt you again, has he?"

"I told you, Dad, it was my fault. I approached him too abruptly. It won't happen again. He actually talked to me today and hugged me."

Burt shifted in his chair. "Kurt, you know I love you and Blaine is a very important person in your life but...we've seen what he's capable of."

"Yeah, when something sets him off," Kurt stood up, getting frustrated. "Dad, that's the reason he's there- so they can find what makes him tick and fix it so he can live a normal life."

"How will he ever live a normal life knowing that he killed his mother and father, Kurt?" Burt stood as well. Finn was glancing between the two looking nervous. "No matter how many pills they pump into him, his parents are still gonna be dead and it's gonna be his fault!"

"Burt, calm down," Carol had come in once the shouting started. This had happened quite a bit recently. Kurt just shook his head and walked toward his room, wiping his eyes quickly on the cuff of his shirt. He ran upstairs and slammed his bedroom door before falling on his bed and sobbing into his pillow.

Kurt knew where his father was coming from. The way he saw it- if Blaine could kill once, he could easily do it again and one day it may be Kurt. What if Kurt got a little snippy with him at dinner, or if they went to sleep angry? Kurt didn't want to think about it, but his father thought about it every time Blaine's name was mentioned in the house.

"Kurt?" a voice and a knock came from the door. It was Finn.

"Just go away, please," he voice shook.

"Come on, bro...I have warm milk."

Kurt's heart warmed just a little. Finn was kind of an idiot, but he was a great big brother. Kurt pushed himself off the bed and opened the door. Finn was standing holding two glasses of steaming milk and he handed one to Kurt. They sat on Kurt's bed in silence for a moment before Finn finally spoke.

"I don't know what's wrong with Blaine...hell, I can't even pronounce it, but what Burt said to you was a little out of line. I mean, if they make him better,  
>he won't...you know...kill anyone else, right?"<p>

Finn was glancing nervously between Kurt and the bed. Kurt put his glass down on the bedside table. "I don't know, Finn. I may be crazy, too, but I think I could deal with that as long as I was still with him. When he wasn't sick or showing signs, he was the most amazing guy. What I saw that night wasn't Blaine, but I know he's in there somewhere. Right now, he's freaked out, sick, depressed and scared. I'm not gonna leave him that way."

Finn nodded and smiled. "That's really awesome, man."

Kurt nodded and Finn put down his milk and pulled Kurt into a hug. Unfamiliar with Finn's hugs, he stiffened a little before finally letting himself relax into his step-brother's hold.

"I just felt like you needed a hug. You seem so stressed."

Kurt sniffed against his strong shoulder before finally letting go of Finn. Finn grabbed his glass and headed for the door. "If you need anything, let me know,OK?"

Kurt smiled and nodded as the tall boy closed the door behind him. Kurt lay back down on the bed, still dressed and fell asleep.

* * *

><p>Mondays were always the same as well. Kurt would walk into school and meet for glee club and the questions would start.<p>

"Was he ok?"

"Is he gonna die?"

"He didn't hurt you, did he?"

Kurt always flatly answered the questions and the group finally stopped asking. He walked to the top riser and sat where he and Blaine had always sat, Blaine's empty chair always unoccupied. He would go through the motions of paying attention in school until after school glee. Thankfully they tried to keep things as normal as possible without Blaine there, but even though he had only been there for two months, he was missed. He was always laughing, his voice being heard out in the hall before one entered the room, and he was energetic- the choreography without Blaine wasn't quite the same.

Kurt ended his Monday by going to the Lima Bean like he and Blaine used to do. He hadn't been since Blaine had been admitted, so he felt very strange walking in there without him.

"Grande non-fat mocha?" the barista smiled at him. He nodded.

"Where's your friend? I haven't seen you two in here in weeks."

"He's in the hospital...he's sick," Kurt always gave the same answer to people he didn't really know- the cashier at the revival theater, the guy behind the counter at the movies, the waitress at Breadstix- they didn't need to know what really happened.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I hope he gets better soon," she said genuinely, handing him his coffee.

"Yeah...me too," Kurt gave a half-convincing smile and walked out. He usually would sit with Blaine at the table he could see just inside the door, but he couldn't. Not without Blaine.

The rest of the week went by in a similar fashion- going through the motions. On the outside, Kurt was perfectly normal, maybe a little tired looking and a bit thinner, but he smiled when he knew he should, scowled when he knew he should and bitched when he knew he should, but it was all a mask. His reason for being happy was in another world- his own.

Saturday morning came slowly. Kurt woke at six to get dressed- quite casually he may add- in looser fitting jeans, converse and a dark blue button down. Visiting hours weren't until nine and it was a 2 hour drive from Lima to Columbus. He ate breakfast and got into his car before nine and drove in silence, the only sound coming from his radio, which was turned down low. Kurt arrived at St. Patrick's shortly before eleven, only a few minutes before Blaine was scheduled to eat lunch.

Kathy was behind the desk again when Kurt came to sign in.

"Hey there, sweetie," she smiled and pulled out the visitor's pass. "I just want to update you a bit on Blaine before you go in."

Kurt relinquished his wallet, phone, keys and photo, which was starting to wear down a little in his pocket, and gave her his full attention.

"He's starting to hallucinate a bit. It's never really anything bad except for the first night."

"What happened?"

"Well," Kathy bit her lip. "The security guard was walking down the hall when he heard him talking. He looked in and he was speaking very loudly to the foot of the bed. When they came and got me and I went in, he said his mother was there and she was crying because his dad said something to upset her, so he was trying to make her feel better."

Kurt swallowed a lump in his throat. "Anything else?"

"Just little things- bugs in the room that weren't there, thinking it was raining when it wasn't- the best thing to do is just to go with it for now, but when he starts his treatment, we'll have to start telling him that nothing is there. Just be ready. He's been different this week."

Kurt nodded and took the visitor's pass. "Thank you."

She smiled and he walked down the all too familiar hallway toward 431. He peeked into the window on the door to see Blaine sitting on his bed, his fingers tapping away on his knee and his lips moving. Kurt took a deep breath and opened the door.


	3. Burn

**The way Blaine acts in this chapter is based on a documentary I have seen on schizophrenia. It's almost child-like, but violent. You'll see. Pretty sad.**

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><p>Blaine didn't immediately look up. He stayed in his mind, tapping and mumbling. His fingers seemed to move fluidly. Kurt was reminded of when Blaine played the piano and how they moved expertly across the keys.<p>

"Blaine?"

He jumped at first, his body stilling and his eyes never meeting Kurt's.

"I told you I'd be back," Kurt smiled before slowly making his way over to the chair next to the bed.

"Kurt," Blaine responded, a small smile coming across his face.

"How was your week?" Kurt asked, placing a hand on Blaine's.

"Mom came to visit. Dad got mad because she didn't finish he dishes. He's such an asshole," Blaine grumbled. Kurt knew this was all in Blaine's head, but as Kathy had said, just go with it.

"That's a stupid thing to get mad about. Is she ok now?"

"Yeah, she's fine now," Blaine's words struck Kurt. It was very similar to what he said about them the night he killed them.

Blaine started looking around the room, humming a song to himself that Kurt had never heard before.

"What are you singing, Blaine?" Kurt asked.

"A song I wrote. This place doesn't have a piano, so I just imagined it. It sounded pretty good."

"I wanna hear it when it's done," Kurt smiled, squeezing Blaine's hand. Blaine smiled back.

"Promise."

They turned on Blaine's TV and just sat for a bit, staring at the screen, neither one really taking in what was going on. Kathy came in a while later with a nurse Kurt had never seen before.

"Hi, boys, this is Janet. Blaine, Janet is going to get your blood pressure so we can start getting your medicine together."

Blaine's body tensed. The happy expression that he had had since Kurt had come in was now replaced with fear.

"She can't touch me," Blaine said shakily.

"This is your new nurse, Blaine," Kathy said softly. Kurt squeezed Blaine's hand. "I know you were used to Derrick, but Janet is very kind and wants to take care of you."

"I don't want her to touch me," Blaine's hand started to shake in Kurt's.

"Come on, sweetheart, I'll be right here," Kurt said soothingly into his ear. He seemed to relax a bit and Janet moved forward warily. Everything moved rather smoothly until she went to wrap the cuff around his arm.

Blaine screamed as if his skin was on fire. He pulled back his hand and backhanded the poor blond across the face.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH ME!" he screamed. His body shook and his face went pale. Security guards ran into the room upon hearing the screams and Kurt was ushered off the bed.

"Calm down, Mr. Anderson," one of them said, grabbing his arm. Blaine screamed and swung his fists, fighting against their touch.

"STOP TOUCHING ME! IT HURTS!" Kurt stood against the wall near the door, watching in horror as the guards pulled the restraints from under the bed and tied Blaine's arms down.

"KURT, PLEASE, HELP ME! MAKE THEM STOP! PLEASE!" Blaine cried, his voice cracking in fear and anger. Kurt's heart broke and his legs gave out. He slid down the wall and covered his face with his hands. Kathy ran over and hugged him as he watched the guard pull a needle out of his pack on his side.

"No, please, don't, it burns!" Blaine screamed when he saw the needle. It disappeared in his leg and the effect was immediate. Blaine's body relaxed, his cries turning to whimpers, then into nothing. The room was eerily silent except for Kurt's sobs. A security guard knelt beside him.

"You alright, son?"

Kurt nodded. "He didn't hurt me. Please don't make me stop seeing him."

The guard looked up at Kathy. "What do we do?"

"This week, we're getting Blaine's medicine sorted out. Maybe Saturday he'll be started on it and we can work with him. He's just frightened, Andy."

Andy, the guard, nodded and stood up. "We'll leave you to it, then."

They exited the room, leaving only Kathy, Kurt and Blaine. Blaine's sheets were a mess, hanging off the bed and untucked.

"I know you don't want to leave, but-"

"Please, Kathy, he won't hurt me. I swear. He wouldn't."

Kathy looked at him, concern clouding her eyes. "I'm leaving the door open and I'm gonna make sure a guard is near by, ok? I'll get you when hours are over."

Kurt nodded a thank you to her and watched her walk away. He stood up shakily and wiped his face, his fingers brushing the raised scar on his cheek. Kurt walked over to Blaine's bed and began carefully fixing the sheets back. He pulled the sheet up to Blaine's chest, which was rising and falling slowly. If Kurt didn't know any better, he would think he was asleep of his own accord. He looked like he did every time Kurt fell asleep at his house and woke up to find Blaine had fallen asleep too, hair falling slightly over his forehead and ears and a peaceful expression on his face. Kurt's heart ached when he realized that behind those eyes was a mind going haywire.

Blaine's hands were attached to the bed by white elastic-like bands, wrapped a little loosely around his wrists so he wouldn't hurt himself. Blaine's face was turned toward where Kurt had been sitting on the floor and tears were still clinging to his cheeks. Kurt sniffed and took the cuff of his shirt and wiped them away gently. He knew he wouldn't be able to wake Blaine, but it was the way he would do if Blaine had called Kurt in the night like he had started to do more often just before his parents died. Kurt would come over, climbing up the ivy-covered lattice work that led to Blaine's bedroom window and slipping into bed with Blaine, cleaning up the cuts he had inflicted in himself and kissing away the pain Blaine felt in his heart.

He sat there for a while, maybe an hour, before Blaine began to stir slowly. Kurt took his hand and squeezed, letting him know he was there. Blaine's beautiful brown eyes fluttered open and met Kurt's. They then flitted between the restraints on his hands and Kurt's face.

"Sorry," he said sadly. Kurt squeezed his hand again.

"It's ok. Everything's fine now, baby."

Blaine's lost expression returned and he looked at the ceiling, losing himself in his own mind again.

When Kathy came back, Kurt had been simply staring at Blaine for two hours. "It's time to go, sweetie."

Kurt kissed Blaine's lips softly. They were unresponsive as Blaine continued to stare at the ceiling. "I love you, Blaine."

He didn't answer. Kurt sighed and stroked his hair before getting up to leave. He headed home and at dinner, his dad said something that surprised him.

"I want to go with you next week," Burt said to him.

Kurt looked surprised. "Why?"

"Well...I thought a lot about what you said and you're right. I care about him, Kurt, and since he doesn't have anyone but you, well...I just want him to know that there are more people around who wanna help him."

Kurt beamed at his father. "Thank you, Dad. I don't know how he'll take to it...today was a bad day, so there are gonna be a few more precautions, but I think it would be good for him."

"What happened?"

"He hit a nurse. He kept saying that her touching him was burning. He's started hallucinating."

Burt looked sympathetic. "What can they do for it?"

"They're starting his medicine soon. He should start to improve after that, except for the side-effects."

Burt nodded and walked over to hug Kurt. "You're being so brave, son. Keep it up."

Kurt smiled and hugged him back. "I'm trying, Dad, I really am."

* * *

><p>Burt and Kurt pulled into St. Patrick's the next week. Kurt had to make a few phone calls and special requests, but they finally allowed his dad to accompany him. They signed in and Kathy led them to the room. She turned to Burt.<p>

"Has Kurt filled you in?"

"Yeah, a little- go with what he says and don't question it."

Kathy smiled and nodded. "He's seemed to be a little better- maybe a bit more energetic. We started him on his medicine two days ago, but the hallucinations are still there. The door still stays open, ok?"

Kurt nodded and thanked her before walking in. Blaine was staring intently at the television. He was watching the Discovery Channel.

"Hey, Blaine. I brought someone with me," Kurt said gently. Burt noted the tone he was using and tried to remember it. Blaine looked up and saw Burt.

"Hi," he said, almost like he was meeting him for the first time.

"Hey, Blaine, how are you?" Burt asked, putting his hand out to shake. Blaine looked at it and sort of shrank back. Burt realized and moved his hand back to his pocket.

"I'm ok," he answered less enthusiastically and turned his attention back to the tv.

"What are you watching?" Kurt asked, sitting down next to him.

"Shark Week," Blaine answered and looked over at Kurt, smiling in an almost familiar way. Kurt could tell the old Blaine was starting to find it's way out. Blaine tilted his head and frowned at Kurt's shoulder. He took his hand and brushed over it a couple of times.

"What is it, baby?" Kurt asked.

"There's a spider on your shoulder. I can't get it. It's stuck or something," Blaine continues to brush at it- not hard, but enough to try to knock off a spider.  
>It was a simple hallucination- an invisible spider- but Kurt could tell Blaine could see it as plainly as Kurt could see Blaine. Kurt exchanged a look with Burt,<br>who looked only slightly amused and a little concerned. Kurt turned back to Blaine, who had stopped brushing.

"Did you get it off? I hate spiders," Kurt asked.

"Yeah, I got it. I don't know where it went, though."

He was almost child-like. He sat with his legs crossed awkwardly, the remote held tightly in his hands and his body leaned forward slightly to get a better look at the television where a man's dog had just been attacked by a shark. He seemed to tilt his head in concentration when the man was running with the dog toward his truck.

"Blaine, is it ok if my dad sits down?"

Blaine looked over at Burt and studied him for a moment. "Does it burn when he touches me?"

"I don't know, baby. Do you want to try?"

Blaine nodded and held out his hand to Burt. Burt looked confused, but Kurt gave him a look that said 'just go with it'. Burt stepped forward and took Blaine's hand.

"He can sit down."

Blaine let go of Burt's hand and turned back to the TV, his hand slipping into Kurt's and interlacing their fingers. Kurt looked up at Burt, whose hand was still held out and his face wearing a surprised expression.

"Well, the man has spoken. Are you gonna sit?"

Burt let out a nervous laugh and pulled up the chair by Blaine's bed and sat down. They sat and watched tv for a bit, Blaine running his thumb gently against Kurt's hand. Burt stared at their hands for a moment, a warm feeling rising in his heart. Blaine still loved Kurt and Kurt still loved Blaine. It would be a long road to recovery, but Burt knew Blaine could do it as long as he had Kurt.

After a while Blaine started moving anxiously on his bed, his hand occasionally scratching at his chest. Finally he let go of Kurt's hand and pulled his shirt off over his head.

Kurt had never seen Blaine shirtless before and he always had imagined that it would be in the heat of passion and not due to mental illness, but he shook the sexual thoughts out of his head quickly.

"What's wrong, Blaine?"

"My shirt felt funny," he answered simply, continuing to scratch at his left peck.

"Are you sure it's not you're chest? You're scratching it."

Blaine shook his head. "It's the shirt. It felt funny."

Kurt took the shirt and turned it inside out, inspecting it. He didn't find anything like a tag or anything that could bother him, but he simply put the shirt down and let it rest.

"I don't like that nurse," Blaine blurted out. "She burns."

Kurt was a little taken aback at this confession because of its irrelevance to the current situation. "Why does she burn, Blaine?"

"She tries to touch me when I don't want her to."

Kurt finally realized what the burning thing was about- he didn't trust people when it burned when they touched him. Kurt felt like he had accomplished something.

"You don't trust her?"

Blaine shook his head.

Kurt smiled and ran his hand up Blaine's back soothingly. "I don't burn, right? And Dad doesn't burn?"

Blaine shook his head again. "Yours is kind of warm, but it feels good. His is kind of cold."

Burt was fascinated. It was a strange concept, but for some reason, it made him feel very good.

"I love you, Kurt," Blaine said, not looking away from the television. Kurt smiled and placed a soft kiss on Blaine's exposed shoulder.

"I love you, too, Blaine," he blinked back a tear, but this time, it was a tear of happiness. He felt like progress and understanding had taken place that day. He felt like, finally, they could move forward and some sense of normalcy was returning.


	4. These Scars Remind Us

**Thank you all so much for the support. I just wanted to point out- TwiBabe23 made an AMAZING video for this fic. "Unstable~ Blaine Anderson". Thank you so so so much for enjoying this so much to make such a wonder video. It's cool to have fans :). I feel like Darren Criss or something! lol. Ok, this one is pretty heavy. It's still gonna be bad. It may seem like he is getting better, but what's a battle without some rough patches? **

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><p>Kurt was sitting in Chemistry on Wednesday when he got a phone call.<p>

_"Kurt? This is Kathy from St. Patrick's. I have some bad news."_

Kurt's heart stopped. He had excused himself to the hall to answer the call and he leaned against the locker.

_"Blaine is on suicide watch. The medicine is affecting him differently than expected and yesterday, while I was checking his vitals, he stole a scalpel from my bag and he cut himself."_

Kurt didn't know what to say. He had been doing well according to his last couple of phone calls to the hospital.

_"He had hundreds of them, Kurt, all over his chest and stomach, down his legs and arms. We almost lost him once."_

Kurt bit his lip to keep from sobbing. "When can I see him?"

Kathy sighed. _"I don't think you should come this weekend. I'll call you as soon as that changes, I promise."_

Kurt felt like he had been punched in the gut. He lived his week based on the fact that he had that Saturday to see Blaine.

_"We think it started when I was checking on him the day before. We were talking about you. He kept saying his dad was outside so he had to stop talking about you and since we started the medicine, we've tried to reassure him of his hallucinations. It was working very well until I had to tell him his parents were dead,"_ Kathy's voice was thick. _"He just stopped and looked confused and kept arguing with me and I finally convinced him that they were dead and he remembered...you know...what he did. I think he was punishing himself and took it too far."_

The bell rang and Kurt made his way to the empty choir room to avoid the rush of students changing classes. He sat down at the piano. "What can I do, Kathy?"

_"Just be on stand-by, dear. I'll do my best to maybe get him to call you some time this week. He's doing even better than he was Saturday when you and your dad came. He really likes your dad. He said he has a kind touch."_

Kurt let out a small laugh. "Yeah..."

_"I've got to go, Kurt, but just be strong, ok? I know this is hard, but he was doing so well. We can get him back there again."_

Kurt nodded and hung up. He rested his head on his hands and cried for what he thought was hours. He heard the door to the choir room open and someone gasp in surprise when they saw him there, but he didn't look up.

"Kurt?" Mr. Shue's voice appeared next to him. "Is everything ok?"

"Blaine tried to kill himself again last night," Kurt choked. "I don't know what to do, Mr. Shue, I can't keep living like this, but I can't leave him! I love him and he needs me!"

Mr. Shue sat next to him and put an arm around his shoulder. "It's gonna be ok."

"Everyone keeps saying that, but nothing is getting any better! They finally told him what happened that night and he tried to fucking kill himself again!" Kurt stood up and paced nervously. Mr. Shue ignored the foul language and stood up to stop him.

"Kurt, the reason people keep saying it is because it's true. Blaine may still have problems for the rest of his life, but he will improve. He'll have good days and bad days and if you really love him and you really want him to be happy, you will help him through it."

Kurt nodded and Mr. Shue pulled him into a hug. "Just be strong for him, ok?"

"I don't think I know how," he said in a small voice.

"You're strong, Kurt. You've put up with so much since you've been here and we all know you can do it. If you ever need anything, you know the glee club is here for you and Blaine. He's one of us now."

Kurt nodded against his teacher's shoulder and Mr. Shue let him go, handing him a handkerchief out of his pocket. "I think the glee club has something for you, by the way. They should be here any minute."

Kurt looked a little confused, but nodded and sat in his usual spot, Blaine's chair abandoned beside him. As each member filed in, they stopped and gave Kurt a hug or a pat on the shoulder. Mr. Shue made announcements- sectionals this, regionals that- then he motioned to Finn, who walked up to the front of the class, hands in his pocket.

"Kurt, for the past couple of months, you've been driving back and forth to the institution to see Blaine. Every time you come home, I can tell your just a little bit more worn down that you were when you left and I know this is really getting to you. The glee club and I can't go with you to be with Blaine so we're doing something special. Lauren," he nodded to Lauren Zizes, who had the AV club's camera. She turned it on and gave him a thumbs up and Kurt a smile.

"We chose this song because we know Blaine is in a dark place right now," Rachel spoke up. "We know you are too, Kurt. Maybe this will bring a little light to that darkness and you'll see that there is a beautiful future ahead, even if it's gonna be a bit of a battle, and you'll have each other."

Kurt wiped his eyes as the rest of the club got up and stood around Rachel and Finn. The music began to play and Kurt recognized the song immediately. Finn sang the first part.

_I see trees of green, red roses too _

_I see them bloom, for me and you_

_ And I think to myself_

_ What a wonderful world_

Mr. Shue sat down next to Kurt and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. Kurt's heart was in his throat at the emotion conveyed by the song. Lauren Zizes was still filming, but a small tear had escaped her eye. Rachel took over.

_I see skies of blue, and clouds of white _

_The bright blessed day, dark sacred night_

_ And I think to myself _

_What a wonderful world_

The club was now mostly in tears. Brittany was holding Santana's hand tightly. The group sang together.

_The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky _

_Are also on the faces, of people going by _

_I see friends shaking hands, sayin', "How do you do?"_

_They're really sayin', "I love you"_

Mercedes took his hand and pulled him up into a hug. He clung to her desperately and she rubbed smooth cirles on his back, singing this next part.

_I hear babies cryin', I watch them grow _

_They'll learn much more, than I'll ever know _

_And I think to myself _

_What a wonderful world_

_Yes, I think to myself _

_What a wonderful world _

_Oh yeah_

The music ended and the only sounds in the room were sniffles and the beep of Lauren's video camera. Kurt let go of Mercedes.

"Thank you guys so much. I know what Blaine did was horrible, but to know that you guys still care..."

"Kurt, we know Blaine is sick," Rachel walked up and took Kurt's hand. "He really doesn't remember doing it?"

Kurt shook his head. "He just remembers being told what he did. That's why he tried to kill himself again last night."

The room was shocked. He had forgotten he didn't tell them. Brittany turned her head into the crook of Santana's neck and sobbed silently. She and Blaine had become very close since he transferred. He was the only one who didn't look at her like she was crazy.

"They said he should be ok, the medicine he's on tends to heighten thoughts of suicide, but from what I've read, it will get better. I can't go see him this weekend."

Kurt's phone rang again. They all watched as he answered it quickly.

"Hello?"

_"Hi, Kurt."_

The beautiful, graveled voice of his boyfriend traveled through the phone to his ears and he gasped. "Blaine?"

_"Yeah. Kathy let me call you."_

The room seemed to be holding their breath. Kurt swallowed hard. "That's great, sweetie, how are you?"

_"I'm not in my room anymore. This one has carpet on the wall. I don't like it."_

Kurt could hear the grimace in his voice. "I would think not. I'm in glee club. Do you want me to put you on speaker so you can say hi?"

Blaine didn't respond right away, then said _"Ok."_

Kurt put the phone on speaker. "Say hi, Blaine."

_"Hi,"_ he said nervously. Brittany's eyes lit up and she walked over to the phone. "Hi, Blaine. It's me, Brittany."

_"Hi, Brittany,"_ he said a little more surely.

"I miss my dolphin," she said sweetly. She was waiting for a certain response. If she got it, she knew he would be ok. Then, he said it.

_"I miss my kitty cat,"_ he said with a hint of a smile in his voice. She smiled brightly. "He remembered me!"

Kurt laughed at their code names for each other. "He didn't lose his memory, sweetie, he's just been a little lost."

Kurt put the phone back up to his ear. "They really miss you, Blaine."

_"I miss them too,"_ he replied. Kurt heard Kathy at the other end and Blaine sighed. _"I have to go. I wanna talk to you again soon. Kathy said you can't come this weekend."_

Kurt's heart throbbed painfully from the hurt sound of his voice. "I can't, baby, but you know what? I'll be there as soon as they tell me to be. You concentrate on taking your medicine and working with the doctors and get yourself better. Don't worry about me right now. Promise?"

_"Yeah,"_ Blaine said softly. _"I promise."_

Kurt wiped his eyes. "Ok, sweetie, I love you and stay strong, ok? I have a surprise for you when I come to see you."

_"Ok,"_ Blaine smiled. _"I love you too, Kurt."_

Blaine ended the call and Kurt collapsed in the chair not from grief, but from relief. A warm feeling now consumed his body and he called it peace. The club crowded around him in a group hug. He couldn't help but laugh out loud and he did.

* * *

><p>Blaine called again the next night. And the next. And every night for the next week. Their conversations were never particularly long or informative, but Kurt lived for them- to hear Blaine's voice, hear the life slowly coming back into it. Blaine still tended to say things a bit off the wall, but Kurt was starting to get used to it.<p>

On Thursday, around the time Blaine usually called, Kathy called him.

_"Hey, Kurt, it's Kathy!"_ She sounded pretty positive, causing the knots in Kurt's stomach to unravel slowly.

"Oh, hi. What's up?"

_"I just wanted to let you know that Blaine has been moved back to his room. He's been taking pretty well to the adjustments in his treatments and he doesn't seem to be a threat to himself anymore. You can come and see him whenever you like."_

Kurt's eyes widened. "That's amazing! Wait, whenever? What happened to Saturdays?"

_"Well, since Blaine is doing a little better, the doctor doesn't see why you can't come whenever. It may even help. Blaine's been talking about you non-stop since the Saturday before last."_

"Oh...would it be ok if I come tomorrow? I may get a hotel and maybe spend the weekend there. Depending on what my dad says, at least."

_"That's fine with me, Kurt. If anything changes, however, just be prepared to change plans."_

Kurt nodded. "Thank you so much, Kathy. I have to go tell my dad. I'll see you and Blaine tomorrow. How is he?"

_"He's asleep right now. Crashed early tonight. Usually he doesn't sleep at all."_

Kurt smiled. "I'm glad he's finally settling down. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

_"Alright, Kurt. Goodbye."_

Kurt hung up the phone and squealed. He thundered down the stairs and entered the living room, where Deadliest Catch was on.

"Dad! Blaine's back in his room! He's doing ok and I can go see him whenever I want now!" Kurt's voice was higher than usual in his excitement.

"Woah, slow down, kid," Burt laughed. "What happened?"

"They moved Blaine back to his room and now I don't have to wait til Saturdays to see him. I can go whenever I want!"

"Oh, that's great, sweetie," Carol smiled and took his hand. "Are you going to go tomorrow? I could make him some cookies!"

"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you guys about. I was wondering if I could go after school tomorrow and maybe stay in a hotel room tomorrow and Saturday night. I have my allowance and shop money saved up for clothes, but I really would rather use it for this. Please?"

Burt had not seen Kurt beg for something like this since he was a little boy and wanted to be Cinderella for Halloween. Burt looked to Carol. "Well?"

"I'm perfectly fine with it, Burt. Blaine would love the company and Kurt has been dying to see him."

Burt seemed to consider it for a moment, then sighed. "Be careful and call if you have any trouble."

"THANK YOU!" Kurt ran over and hugged his father almost too tightly, causing the man to chuckle.

"Alright, alright, too much love."

Kurt laughed and Carol stood up. "Let's go make those cookies, huh?"

* * *

><p>Kurt stepped away from the sign-in desk, almost skipping, toward Blaine's room. Kathy was standing in front of it speaking to the doctor.<p>

Kathy nodded and the doctor smiled at Kurt as he walked away. Kathy smiled.

"He's ready to see you. Are you staying here in Columbus?"

"Tonight and tomorrow. I just got the room."

"He's gonna be so excited. You won't believe it. He actually laughed yesterday. I know it's not something most people would get excited about, but I knew you would."

Kurt smiled. "I hate I missed it."

"I'm sure you can help him with another one," Kathy patted his arm and headed back to the desk. Kurt opened the door to see Blaine in his glasses, a set of pale green scrubs, and slippers. He looked like a totally different person. His skin was now flushed and he seemed to have gained some weight back. The bandages up his arms were the only thing that made Kurt's heart hurt. He had forgotten all about it.

Blaine finally realized he was there and looked up. A genuine smile crossed his face and he stood up and moved toward Kurt, gathering him in a hug that wreaked of the old Blaine he knew and loved. He almost wanted to cry. They had apparently gotten Blaine some of his usual shampoo and body wash because Kurt could smell the familiar Axe Music he grew to associate with Blaine. Kurt pulled away and held Blaine at arm's length, just taking him in.

"You look great, sweetie," Kurt smiled. Blaine smiled and wiped a tear that had slipped down Kurt's cheek. Kurt pulled him back into a bone-crushing hug and kissed him on the cheek.

"I missed you," Blaine said into the crook of his neck.

"I missed you, too, baby," Kurt sniffed and let Blaine go. Blaine led him over toward the bed and they sat down. The tv was on Discovery channel again- this time, he was watching Man vs. Wild.

"How are you?" Kurt placed a hand on Blaine's.

"Fine," Blaine smiled. "They've given me medicine. It's making me sleepy a lot, but I'm not as mad anymore."

"Why were you mad, Blaine?"

Blaine's eyes seemed to dilate a bit before he closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Baby?"

"I'm ok," Blaine said. "Just had to psych myself out of it. I was just angry at myself...what I did...I know I killed them, Kurt."

It was the first time since the phone call that he had actually heard Blaine say it. Kurt felt a shiver up his spine, but fought back the urge to tremble.

"I don't know what happened to me," he continued, his voice shaking slightly. "I should be in prison."

"They would have taken you to court and it would have been called insanity. They wouldn't send you to prison."

"I should be dead, too," Blaine said softly. His voice didn't shake. He was definitely in his mind. He wanted to die.

"No," Kurt shook his head and squeezed Blaine's hand. "Don't say that, sweetie, you're just sick and their going to fix you."

Kurt's heart was racing. His sweet Blaine, the love of his life really wanted to die. He couldn't bear to play the words over in his head. Kurt stood up and paced, his head in his hands and tears spilling from his eyes.

Blaine didn't stand or attempt to calm Kurt. He simply stared at the floor. Kurt finally stopped, his breathing shaky and his throat closed by the lump in it.

"I'm sorry," Blaine said to the floor. "I didn't mean to scare you. I know I do, Kurt."

Blaine finally looked up, fear and sorrow clouding his eyes. "I see the way you look at me now. I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid."

Kurt sat down on the bed, placing his head in his hands again. Blaine shifted next to him.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Kurt. I feel like I have a resistance to you. Like I did before...I just wanna protect you...I guess that's why I did it..."

Blaine sighed and picked at the bandage on his wrist.

"I wanna see, Blaine," Kurt watched him. "I wanna see the rest of them."

Blaine looked up in fright. "Kurt...no."

"Show me," Kurt knelt in front of him. "I want to see."

Blaine's lip trembled. "Why?"

"Because...I want to show you that you deserve to get another chance. Show me."

Kurt helped Blaine to a standing position. He slowly took the hem of Blaine's scrub top and lifted it slowly. Blaine didn't fight. He looked lost in his head again.

Kurt placed a gentle kiss to Blaine's lips. "Please."

Blaine blinked a tear away before lifting his arms slowly. Kurt pulled the top off and saw them- all 128 of the scars and cuts littering Blaine's chest, stomach and sides. Bandages covered several of the ones that had to be stitched, but it looked like Blaine had tried to slice himself to shreds.

"Oh...Blaine," Kurt sobbed, turning away. He didn't want to, but he couldn't handle it. Blaine's eyes stayed distant.

Kurt tried to collect himself, closing his eyes and trying to remember the task at hand. He turned around and rested his eyes on Blaine's chest again. He placed his fingertips over one particularly nasty cut on Blaine's left peck. It was healing and raised. Blaine hissed slightly at the contact, but didn't speak as Kurt began to trace over others slowly. Kurt lifted his gaze to meet Blaine's lifeless brown eyes.

"I just want you to see that...I still think you're beautiful, Blaine. I want you around forever just to remind you that you're the most amazing, wonderful,  
>beautiful boy I've ever known. You're not crazy, Blaine. I don't think you are, at least. You're just sick. They're going to fix you and they can't do that if you're not here."<p>

Blaine choked a sob. "You...you don't think I'm crazy, Kurt?"

"No," Kurt shook his head. Blaine threw his arms around Kurt and held him tight.

"Thank you. Thank you so much, Kurt. I love you."

Blaine babbled into Kurt's shoulder, chest heaving. Kurt rubbed his back and twisted his fingers in Blaine's hair. Blaine unloaded and Kurt let him. They would worry about finding Blaine's tick later. Right now, his boyfriend was making a breakthrough and Kurt wasn't about to stop him.

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><p><strong>Thanks again, guys!<strong>


	5. O Sole Mio

**The response to this story is very overwhelming, but in a good way! keep it coming folks! I let my sister-in-law read it and she loves it. I have to give her my phone to read it after I post this actually, so I guess I better finish this note and edit. She's bugging me as I type :P lol.**

**The song in this chapter is_ O sole mio_- Luciano Pavarotti (yeah, I know 'oooh nooo Pavoratti, why bring up dead birds in a super sad story?') well yeah. It's a beautiful song and I recommend you all go listen to it. Blaine sings it slow in this, but it's a bit more grandiose and operatic in real life.**

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><p>Blaine's dinner came a couple of hours later while Kurt and Blaine were sitting shoulder to shoulder on Blaine's bed watching American Chopper. Kurt didn't really like the show, but Blaine was absolutely entranced.<p>

"What is this show's appeal?" Kurt asked, moving up to set up Blaine's dinner tray.

"I just feel like learning new things." Blaine answered simply, never breaking his gaze. Kurt smiled at Blaine and shook his head.

"Sometimes, I just don't know what's going on under that curly head of hair."

Blaine cracked a smile. "Me either."

Kurt pulled the table over and put it in front of Blaine. Without looking away from the screen, Blaine grabbed his fork and began eating hospital pot roast.

"I love your enthusiasm over the food," Kurt smirked. Blaine ate in silence, only stopping occasionally to laugh at the bickering between Paul and Jr. After he ate, Kurt ran over to his bag and pulled out the cookies Carol sent with him.

"I brought you a surprise," Kurt walked over with his hands behind his back.

"Is it a puppy?" Blaine asked excitedly. Kurt knew he was joking, but to see him so excited made his heart skip a beat.

"Blaine, why would I put a puppy in my bag?"

"Oh...well, what is it?"

Kurt slid the box of snicker-doodles toward Blaine, who gave the appropriate 'ohmygodyes' reaction Kurt knew he would. Kurt laughed and crawled back onto the bed.

Blaine opened the box quickly and began eating them like they were oxygen. "I haven't had sugar in forever," he said through a mouth full of cookie.

"I figured as much, so Carol and I made these last night."

Blaine smiled and leaned over to kiss Kurt's cheek. "Thank you. You're too nice to me."

Kurt shook his head. "I just love seeing you happy."

They sat and ate the cookies together, occasionally getting into a 'let's throw bits of cookie at each other' fight, and giggling as they cleaned it all up off the bed before Kathy could come in and see the mess.

All was going great. They laughed, kissed, talked and when it was time for Kurt to leave, he stood up and grabbed his bag.

"I don't want you to go," Blaine said sadly.

"I'll be back first thing in the morning," Kurt cupped Blaine's cheek. "Now you get some sleep. We have another day of fun ahead, so I want you wide awake."

Blaine nodded and nuzzled Kurt's hand. "I just wish you could stay here."

"I know, baby," Kurt smiled. Blaine looked so sad. "Don't worry- as soon as you're out of here, you can come stay at my house. We'll snuggle and watch crappy romantic comedies just like we used to do."

A watery smile appeared on Blaine's face and he pulled Kurt into a hug. "I don't know what I would do without you."

Kurt didn't want to think about that either. He knew Blaine didn't cut himself too deep because of Kurt. Kurt's fingers grazed a scar on Blaine's chest and he quickly broke the hug, but not forcefully. "I have to go now, baby. I'll see you tomorrow."

Blaine smiled and nodded. "One more kiss?"

Kurt laughed and leaned in for a gentle kiss on the lips. Blaine sighed against him and slipped his hands into Kurt's. Kurt pulled away slowly and kissed each of Blaine's hands before letting go and heading out the door with a blown kiss in Blaine's direction.

Kurt lay down in his hotel bed that night feeling light, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He knew it wouldn't last, but he hoped it would last for just a little while longer.

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><p><em>Blaine saw himself sitting on the edge of the stairs, his tiny knees drawn to his chest as he stared down between the bars of the banister, his tiny fingers grasping the rails.<em>

_"I told you to have these dishes done when I got home, Maggie!" Carson Anderson waved a dirty plate at his wife._

_"Carson, please," she begged, her voice soft. "You're going to wake Blaine up."_

_"I don't care! I told you, didn't I!"_

_"Honey, stop. You need to go to bed, you're drunk agai-"_

_"DON'T TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO!" Carson threw the plate, sending it to the floor where it shattered and danced across the tile of the kitchen. Carson bared down on Maggie._

_"I let you take off work when Blaine was born and I expect you to get off your ass and do something while you sit at home all day!"_

_"Carson, you know Blaine can be a handful," she shook her head, averting her eyes as if expecting something to happen._

_"Beat the kid's ass, then! You baby him!"_

_"Carson, please, stop yelling!"_

_Carson's hand flew up and he struck his wife across the face. Blaine screamed from the staircase, or he thought he did. He felt like he was watching the scene through observer's eyes and not the eyes of his three-year-old self. Carson rounded on him and headed toward the staircase. Blaine wanted his younger self to run away because his father was about to hurt him._

_"What the hell are you doing up!" Carson stormed up the stairs toward Blaine. The little boy couldn't move, gripping onto the staircase for dear life._

_"Daddy, stop," he cowered, waiting for impact. Carson jerked the little boy up by the collar of his dinosaur pajamas and dragged him back toward his room. A firm hand came down across the top of his thigh. "If you get up again, I'm wearing you out!"_

_Carson pushed him toward his bed and slammed the door. Blaine lay down flat on his stomach, buried his face into the pillow and cried. Again, he felt like he was watching this elsewhere, but couldn't quite place himself in the room._

_The little boy was finally reduced to sniffles and sat up, rubbing his eyes. He gazed around his large room that was decorated with baseball border and blue paint. A plastic playhouse shaped like a castle sat in the dark corner and Blaine tilted his head. He grabbed his pillow and climbed into it. It was dark inside of it, the only light coming through a window that was on the outer edge facing toward his large bedroom window. Blaine turned over on his side and stared at the moon._

_"I'm gonna be an astronaut. I can go far away from here." he muttered to himself before snuggling down into the pillow and closing his eyes, seeing himself in a spacesuit standing on the surface of the moon and looking down at the Earth. He thought about how tiny it would look and how his mom and dad would just be two tiny specks on it. He would be larger than life._

* * *

><p>Blaine woke with a start as he felt someone shaking him.<p>

"Blaine! Are you ok?"

He had started crying in his sleep. He felt the tracks against his face as a cold wisp of air came through the door. Kurt was kneeling next to him.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

Blaine felt his heart start to pound- it was just a memory, that's all. It was nothing significant, just a visual manifestation of the past, yet it shook him to his core. His father's booming voice, his rough hand striking his leg, his statement that he was going to go far away. Blaine sat up and buried his head in his hands, his finger's tapping away at his scalp.

"Blaine, honey, don't," Kurt scolded him, placing his hands over Blaine's to stop the tapping. Blaine shook his head and shied away from Kurt's touch.

"I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong," Kurt said comfortingly, but Blaine gritted his teeth and faced away from Kurt, trying to shake the angry feeling from his mind.

"Maybe you need to go back to sleep," Kurt suggested. Blaine felt his insides snap. A heat rushed to his face and he couldn't stop himself. He turned around and shoved Kurt harshly to the floor.

"Don't tell me what I need to do!" Blaine cried out, his eyes angry and serious. Kurt scrambled back away from the bed toward the door.

"Blaine, did you take your medicine?"

"Shut up!" Blaine covered his ears, closed his eyes and lost himself in his mind again.

Kurt stood up and backed up against the door, watching Blaine mumble to himself. It gradually got louder.

"You are 1,000 times more likely to drown in the sea than you are to be bitten by a shark. Survival time for a person immersed in 40-degree water is one hour. Sharks can smell one drop of blood in a million drops of water..."

Blaine chanted out these facts like a mantra, blissfully unaware that Kurt was standing against the door, confused and scared. Blaine lowered his hands and stood to walk toward the opposite wall. With a blinding force, he punched it. Kurt cried out his name and ran over to him as he began punching the wall repeatedly, blood splattering from his knuckles and bones in his hand popping and jarring. Kurt could only think of one thing to do and he wrapped his arms quickly around Blaine from the back, preventing him from punching anymore. Blaine shook with anger.

"Daddy, stop!" he cried, his mind seeing his father storming up the stairs after him.

"Blaine, baby, it's just me, I promise," Kurt sobbed against Blaine's shoulder. "Come on, Blaine, It's Kurt."

"You'll never see him again!" Blaine yelled and wormed his way from Kurt's grasp, but only shortly as Kurt pulled him against him in a hug.

"Blaine, please," Kurt cried. "Snap out of this. Focus on me, Blaine, come on! It's just me, Blaine, it's just Kurt!"

Blaine squeezed his eyes shut and wanted to fight back against Kurt's hold on him, but found himself calming, his anger turning into weariness. His hand had been throbbing before, but when his adrenaline slowed, he felt a nasty jolt of pain.

"Ow, fuck!" Blaine dropped to his knees, grasping his hand to his chest. Blood was seeping into the green scrub top.

"Stay right here, I'll get Kathy!" Kurt hopped up and threw the door open, calling for the charge nurse. She, a doctor and a security guard stepped into the room.

"Blaine, honey, what happened?"

"Odontophobia is the fear of teeth. Cats sleep 16 to 18 hours per da-"

"Blaine, calm down and tell me what happened," Kathy lifted his chin to meet her gaze.

"Elephants are the only mammals that can't jump," Blaine continued to mumble.

"Where is his medication?" the doctor asked. Kurt moved toward an orange bottle on Blaine's bedside table and picked it up.

"He never answered me when I asked if he had taken it." He handed the doctor the pills and he checked each pill.

"He's been skipping. By the number in the bottle, it's been three days now." The doctor left one pill in his palm before cupping the other ones back into the bottle and grabbing a glass of water.

"Blaine," he knelt before the boy, who was still mouthing facts, "I need you to take this. It's very important."

"Bees can sense fear-"

"Blaine! You have to take this!"

Blaine went completely silent, his eyes glassed over slightly. He didn't look up. His gaze was transfixed on the floor.

"I think he broke his hand," Kurt said, sniffling.

Kathy carefully took Blaine's arm away from his chest and inspected it. "It's definitely broken. What did he do?"

"Punched the wall," Kurt pointed at the blood-stained portion of wall he had been punching. "I don't know what happened. I came in here and he was having a nightmare and when I finally got him up, he flipped."

Kathy sighed and turned to Blaine. "Sweetie, we have to take you to fix your hand.

Blaine didn't answer. He didn't even attempt to move.

"Come on, Blaine," she said softly.

"You'll never see him again," Blaine said in a distant tone.

"He said that earlier, too," Kurt stood up and paced the room.

"We've heard it before, too. We believe it may be the last thing his father said to him before..." Kathy glanced at Blaine without finishing the sentence.

Kurt didn't know how to take this new bit of information. They had been talking about him when Blaine killed his father. The thing that set Blaine off was him. Never seeing him again. Kurt sat down slowly on the bed.

"Kurt, maybe you should go talk to the psychiatrist. We'll take Blaine to fix his hand up and you can come back. We'll have to supervise the visit, though."

Kurt nodded and watched the doctor lean down and wrap his arm around Blaine's waist to lift him. Blaine screamed and fought to get away.

"Wait, he doesn't trust you!" Kurt stood up and moved over to the doctor.

"What?"

"He doesn't trust you. If he doesn't trust you, his skin feels like it's burning when you touch him. I'll help you get him there, if that's ok."

The doctor looked shocked at the new revelation, but nodded all the same. Blaine had dropped back onto his knees and wrapped his arms around his torso, chest heaving. Kurt lifted Blaine's chin to meet his eyes.

"I'm gonna help you to the operating room, ok? It's just me, Blaine."

Blaine tilted his head and blinked. Kurt smiled reassuringly before wrapping his arm around Blaine's waist like the doctor had and helped him up. Blaine didn't cry out or fight, which made the doctor's eyes grow even wider.

Kurt followed them out of the room, Blaine's weight resting on his side. Thankfully, Blaine still hadn't gained his full weight back and Kurt was stronger than he looked. They got to the operating room and Kurt finally lifted Blaine into his arms and walked him over to the table, setting him down gently.

"Thank you, Kurt. I haven't had any problems with him touching me, but I couldn't have gotten him here myself," Kathy said to him.

"It's ok. Can I wait in his room? Maybe try and get that blood off the wall?"

"After you speak with the psychiatrist. You seem to really understand Blaine and that bit if information you just gave us could help a lot. I think you may need some counsiling as well. This is a lot to deal with. I've told him you are coming."

Kurt nodded and took one last look at Blaine, who was watching him intently.

"I'll be waiting for you when you get back, Blaine," Kurt walked over and squeezed Blaine's good hand. "I promise."

Blaine didn't nod or give any acknowledgement that he had heard him, but Kurt knew he did. He walked out followed Kathy to the psychiatrist.

* * *

><p>"Kurt Hummel?" Dr. Joseph smiled as he opened the door and took Kurt's hand. "Mark Joseph. It's nice to finally meet you. Mr. Anderson speaks very highly of you...well, when he speaks," he smiled.<p>

Kurt smiled and the doctor let him into a small office that was brightly painted. He was briefly reminded of a nursery where the parents did it before they realized what the sex of the baby was and just settled for yellow. It was pale, but bright.

"Interesting paint job," Kurt indicated the walls.

Dr. Joseph rolled his eyes. "The woman who worked here before me did it. It makes sense, though- colors are very effective in changing a person's mood. Yellow is very relaxing and vibrant."

Kurt nodded and smiled. He knew all of this: he just found it strange.

"Please, have a seat," Dr. Joseph indicated the chair and Kurt sat across from him at a mahogany desk.

"Now, tell me what you know about Blaine. I hear something about burning."

"When he doesn't trust someone and they touch him, he says it burns his skin. If he does, they don't. My dad took his hand a few weeks ago and he said it was cold and when he touched me, it was warm, but it felt good."

Dr. Joseph wrote something down. "Interesting...damnedest thing I've ever heard."

Kurt smiled. "He's always been one for going the extra mile."

Dr. Joseph laughed. "That's what I've heard. He's an extraordinary boy."

Kurt felt his heart warm.

"So...today was a tough day," Dr. Joseph threw his full attention toward Kurt.

"Yes. I woke Blaine up from a nightmare and he started freaking out. I told him he needed to sleep and he shoved me off the bed, saying I didn't need to tell him what to do. Then he walked over and started punching the wall. When I grabbed him and tried to soothe him, he said 'Daddy, stop'."

The doctor nodded, considering the information. "Anything else?"

"Well, I tried to reassure him it was me, but he just screamed "You'll never see him again". I heard him say it again while Kathy was checking on him. She said it was probably the last thing his father said to him..."

"I've heard him say it...usually followed by someone speaking your name."

"I don't want to be the cause of this," Kurt confessed. "I fear that you guys are going to figure that out and I won't be allowed to see him anymore and I just...I don't know your views on gays, sir, but I love him. I can't live without him no matter how sick he is. He's still there...He's still my Blaine."

Kurt was in tears at this point. The doctor was nothing but sympathetic.

"Kurt, it's now about who you love but how you love to me...if you truely love that boy in there, as you say you do...I have no problem with it, so let that go from your mind."

Kurt nodded, wiping his eyes.

"Now, I'm not going to say that something about you doesn't set Blaine off, but there is something deeper there...bad things do happen when you are here, but they happen when you're not as well. Don't let that affect you. Blaine's case is pretty bad, Kurt. It's like nothing I've ever seen. According to his teachers, friends, and even his family doctor said he never showed any signs. He was a perfect gentleman and a straight A student with an outstanding IQ who never got into trouble or hurt a soul. We know Blaine doesn't remember what he did- whether it was psycological or he's forced it from his memory, we don't know- but it can be recalled and that's what we're working on. If we can do that, we'll find out what happened and why he blew up."

Kurt took this all in sighed deeply.

"Do you have anything to talk about? I know this is a lot on you, being a teenager and having to deal with this on top of school."

"I just...I want my Blaine back. I want my best friend."

Dr. Joseph smiled and nodded. "We're going to do all we can to get him back, Kurt. At least, as much so as we can. This has been slowly building and eating away at him for a while and he may never be the same again, but one day he'll be able to handle it and so will you."

Kurt nodded.

"If you ever need to speak with anyone, Kurt, I'm here. I'm off my hours after five, so feel free to come up after that- no charge."

"But..sir," Kurt said, surprised.

"I feel a need to help you, Kurt. You're not clinically insane, you just need someone to talk to who understands Blaine's problem."

It was all that Kurt wanted. He reluctantly nodded and the doctor clapped his hands together.

"I'm sure Blaine is finished by now. I'll tell security you're coming and they'll be there. Normally, we wouldn't do this, but we feel it's actually benificial to Blaine's improvement."

Kurt nodded and thanked the doctor before saying, "Is it ok if I come by tomorrow? Before I leave?"

Dr. Joseph gave a nod and a smile. "Take it easy, Kurt."

Kurt walked back to the ward Blaine was on and saw Andy and another guard standing outside Blaine's door.

"He's a spitfire," Andy indicated toward Blaine's door. "Good luck and we'll be right here."

Kurt walked into the room. Kathy was sitting next to Blaine's bed, changing the bandages on his chest, stomach and arm. Blaine lay with his eyes shut and his lips moving. He was singing a song in Italian slowly.

"He's been doing this since he lay down. It's beautiful and I didn't wanna stop him," she said softly.

"O sole moi," Kurt smiled softly. "He used to sing it to me right after we got together."

_Che bella corsa e' na jurnata'e'sole_

_n'aria serena doppo na tempesta_

_pe'll'aria fresca pare gia' na festa_

_che bella cosa na jurnata'e sole._

"It's lovely. I didn't know he spoke Italian."

"His family is Italian. When he was little, they lived there for two years. He always wanted to go back someday." Kurt watched his boyfriend sing gently and softly, almost to himself, but loud enough for his beautiful voice to just echo in the room.

_Ma n'atu sole cchiu' bello, oi ne'_

_'o sole mio sta nfronte a te!_

_'o sole o sole mio_

_sta nfronte a te ... sta nfronte a te._

_Luceno'e llastre d'a fenesta toia;_

_'na lavannara canta e se ne vanta_

_e pe'tramente torce, spanne e canta_

_Luceno'e llastre d'a fenesta toia_

Blaine had lay on Kurt's bed with him two weeks into their relationship, back when they were still nervous about touching each other the wrong way. Blaine rested his hand on Kurt's cheek as he sang this song to him. It was about a beautiful sunshine after rain. He always said he made him think of Kurt and the glow his skin gives as the sunlight his his face. It, of course, made Kurt giggle and say how absolutely cheesy Blaine was at the time, but now Kurt would give anything to hear him say such things to him.

Kathy was done with the bandages. She simply sat and watched Blaine saing.

_Ma n'atu sole cchiu' bello, oi ne'_  
><em>'o sole mio sta nfronte a te!<em>  
><em>'o sole o sole mio sta nfronte a te ... sta nfronte a te.<em>

_Quanno fa notte e'sole se ne scenne me vene quase'na malincunia;_  
><em>soto a fenesta toi restarria quando fa notte e'o sole se ne scenne.<em>

Kurt never knew the words Blaine was singing. He only knew what Blaine had explained about the song, but it was absolutely breathtaking. Blaine still hadn't opened his eyes. He was away from them...far away.

_Ma n'atu sole cchiu' bello, oi ne'_  
><em>'o sole mio sta nfronte a te!<em>  
><em>'o sole o sole mio sta nfronte a te ... sta nfronte a te.<em>

His voice stilled and Kathy gently placed a hand on Blaine's. "Sweetie, Kurt's here."

Blaine's eyes opened and looked up to look at Kurt.

"That was a beautiful song, Blaine." Kathy smiled.

"You weren't supposed to here me," he said, turning his head away.

"I'm glad I did...I'll leave you two." Kathy stood up and wiped her eyes discreatly before turning and walking out of the open door. Blaine's eyes moved from Kurt back to the ceiling. Kurt took up her seat and stared at Blaine's profile. He wanted to ask Blaine what he was thinking about when he woke up, but he was afraid it would trigger him.

"I took my medicine," Blaine finally said, his voice cracking.

"Good," Kurt moved to take Blaine's hand. "I want you to take it every day, Blaine. You have to promise me."

"It makes me remember things," Blaine swallowed, his blank stare never breaking from the ceiling. "I don't want to remember."

"You have to," Kurt fought back tears. Blaine sounded so scared of his memories, but Kurt figured he would be too if he had Blaine's memories. "We have to figure out why you did it and what made you do it."

"I don't want to," he blinked, sending a lone tear down the side of his face. "I just want it all to go away."

Kurt lay his forehead on their joined hands and sighed. He wanted it all to go away as well. He wanted Blaine to be able to get out of this happy and unplagued by the consequences of what he did, but it wouldn't be that way and Kurt knew it. He felt fingers lacing in his hair. Kurt turned his head to see that Blaine's injured hand had slid over his stomach to twine his free fingers in Kurt's hair.

Kurt squeezed Blaine's hand and sobbed softly into the mattress of Blaine's bed. He could feel Blaine moving to turn over and slide his hand out from under Kurt's cheek. Kurt closed his eyes and cried as Blaine rested his forehead in Kurt's hair and carded his hair on the back of his head. Kurt couldn't stop crying. His heart was clenched painfully in his chest. It ached for the boy next to him and it ached for the future they would have together, because Kurt wouldn't leave him. He would never let Blaine be alone.

Blaine slipped his hand under Kurt's chin again and guided his face up off the mattress to meet Blaine's eyes. They were full of hurt and sadness.

"I'm so sorry, Kurt," he whispered softly. Blaine rested his forehead against Kurt's, who choked a sob and squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm going to do everything I can for you. I know I promised you I would and failed you, but never again...I want to be who you need, baby. I'm just sorry I'm so messed up. I don't wanna die anymore. You made me want to live," A tear from Blaine's face fell onto the white sheet of the mattress. "You gave me a reason because you came back, Kurt."

Kurt felt every emotion he could imagine hit him all at once. It was too much. He squeezed Blaine's hand harder, making sure he was still there. That this was all really happening. That it wasn't all a dream and that Blaine wasn't lying dead in real life.

"I love you so much and I'll do anything to prove it to you. To prove that I'm not so fucked up that I would ever hurt you because I won't. I can't. If I ever did I would die."

Blaine lifted his forehead off Kurt's and looked straight into Kurt's eyes. "Don't let me fall, Kurt. Don't ever let me fall too far. I know you won't. You're being so strong and so patient with me. I may be out of it sometimes but I see it. I feel it, baby. Stay strong for me and I'll do everything you want me to.  
>I just want to make you happy."<p>

Kurt sniffed and pulled Blaine into a hug, holding the boy tight and praying that he wouldn't have to let go any time soon. "You do, Blaine. Every day."

Blaine pulled away quickly and kissed Kurt hard on the lips. It wasn't rough or angry. It was desperate and full of love. Blaine ran his thumb over Kurt's cheek, wiping away the tears on Kurt's face. He pulled away slowly, his eyes training on Kurt's, whose were half-lidded.

"Thank you," Blaine whispered, his breath ghosting Kurt's lips gently. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Kurt felt his heart unclench. It swelled with love for Blaine and hope for them both. Blaine moved back on the bed, leaving room for Kurt to lie down. Kurt got the hint and slipped off his shoes before climbing up with him.

"Could you just hold me? No Discovery Channel for a while?" Blaine asked, a teary smile breaking on his face.

Kurt couldn't help but let out a laugh. "Yeah, that sounds good."

Blaine turned over, facing out the window, and Kurt spooned him, wrapping his arm carefully around Blaine's chest and taking his uninjured hand into his. Blaine squeezed it gently and kissed the back of it.

"I'm sleepy," Blaine said quietly.

"Go to sleep, baby. I'm here all day. It's only 11."

Blaine nodded and snuggled deeper into Kurt's chest. Kurt kissed the back of Blaine's head and closed his eyes. He wanted this over. Blaine sounded sincere in his promise. He hoped that it would hold and that Blaine would find a way to bring himself back out of the darkness.


	6. A Day Off

**Blaine gets a big surprise- a silver lining of sorts...**

* * *

><p>Kurt woke slowly to the sound of scrubbing. When he opened his eyes and looked up, he saw a janitor he recognized scrubbing the wall. The blood was still splattered on the wall.<p>

"Sorry," Kurt said quietly, trying not to wake the sleeping boy in his arms. "I was going to get that."

The janitor turned and smiled. "Not a problem, kid. It's my job anyway. His dinner showed up about thirty minutes ago. It may be cold."

Kurt looked over at the clock- 12:37- and saw the tray that was covered up on the end table.

He knew Blaine needed to eat, but when he turned back to wake him, he simply stopped and stared. Blaine hadn't looked so peaceful in weeks and he hated to disturb him. Blaine's brow was relaxed and his lips were slightly parted, soft breaths escaping in an even pattern. Kurt pushed his longer curls out of his face and gently kissed his temple.

"Blaine? Honey, your lunch is here," Kurt said softly against Blaine's ear. Blaine sighed contently and snuggled deeper into the pillow.

Kurt couldn't help but laugh. He was too cute.

"Come on, sweetie. I'm gonna eat it if you don't."

Blaine opened his eyes slowly and a sleepy smile broke on his face. "Just try it."

Kurt smiled and kissed Blaine lips softly. "Come on, baby."

Blaine groaned and sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes and fishing around in the covers for his glasses. He slipped them on and moved his feet off the bed, his feet catching the cold floor and making him hiss. Kurt had gotten up and removed the cover from Blaine's try and brought it over to him. He saw the jewel disk sticking out of his bag and gasped.

"Oh, I forgot!" Kurt ran over to his bag and pulled out his laptop and the disk. Blaine tilted his head at Kurt as he slipped the disk into his computer and loaded it.

"The glee club made this for you. I know you seem to have trouble gathering your memories and you have trouble keeping up with faces now, but we sang with them at school."

The menu popped up and the message "We Love You, Blaine! Get Well Soon" danced across the screen, a picture of all of them, Blaine included, sitting outside on the steps in the courtyard on the second day of school. Blaine's eyes flashed with recognition.

"It was so hot that day," Blaine smiled, laying his fork down on the tray. "Finn started spinning Rachel and Rachel tripped over his feet..."

Kurt felt his heart flutter. He didn't talk much about the club, except for when he talked to them on the phone that one day.

"Right after that picture, I kissed you. There were kids all over the place, but I didn't care. Azimio slushied us later because he saw us, but you took me to the boy's bathroom and cleaned me up, saying you would take a million slushies as long as I kept kissing you."

Blaine's eyes were swimming. He blinked quickly and laughed it off. "So, what's this?"

"The glee club sang a song for us and Lauren made the video. It was beautiful. They told me to show it to you."

Kurt clicked play and after a brief introduction, they began to sing. Blaine's jaw dropped ever so slightly, entranced by the music and the beautiful song they were singing. He saw Mercedes pull Kurt up into a hug and Kurt holding her for dear life. Blaine slipped his hand into Kurt's without looking away from the screen and Kurt squeezed it. When the song ended, the camera turned off, but another message floated onto the screen.

'Don't give up, Blaine. We need you and so does Kurt. Courage.'

Kurt looked over to Blaine to see that he was fully crying now. His hand had slipped from Kurt's to cover his mouth, stifling the sounds of his sobs. Kurt draped his arms around Blaine's shoulders and pulled him close, one hand pulling Blaine's head to rest on his shoulder.

"I miss them, Kurt. They...they actually care about me."

"Of course they do, Blaine. So many people care about you. Them, Mr. Shue, Dad, Carol- you have more than just me to live for."

Blaine nodded into Kurt's shoulder and sat up, gaining control of his breathing and removing his glasses to wipe his eyes. "Thank you for that."

"It was their idea. They actually did this right before you called me."

Blaine smiled and sniffed. "I can't wait to get back. I miss singing with them."

"They can't wait to see you," Kurt ruffled Blaine's curls, making Blaine giggle and pick his fork back up. They talked while Blaine ate and just as he put his tray back up onto the table, Kathy walked in smiling.

"Hey, boys," she put the cover on Blaine's tray and placed it on the cart outside. She bopped back in and sat down next to the bed.

"I have a surprise for you, Blaine," she placed a hand on his knee. "We know you still have some problems and need to work on taking your medicine, but we- the psychiatrist and myself- thought it may be ok if you had a day off."

Blaine furrowed his brow. "Day off?"

"Blaine...how would you like to go visit your friends for a day?"

Blaine's eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Just for a day," Kathy reaffirmed. "I was hoping Kurt could take you maybe tomorrow and bring you back before ten."

Kurt's heart pounded against his chest. Blaine for a day- no doctors, no hospitals, just a day to be normal again. Kurt looked over at Blaine, who was taking in what Kathy was telling him.

"It's totally up to you, Blaine. You don't have to...I know Lima has some hard memories for you..."

Blaine thought about it, but he shook his head. "I wanna go."

Kathy smiled and squeezed his knee. "I'll let the security know and work out the logistics and I'll come back later, ok? Kurt, is this alright with you?"

"Perfect," Kurt smiled. Kathy nodded and stood to walk out. Kurt threw his arms around Blaine.

"This is amazing! You can get out of here for a few hours!"

"Yeah, it's great," Blaine smiled, his voice betraying him just a little. Kurt leaned back.

"What's wrong, sweetie?"

"I don't want to go back to my house," Blaine began to move his legs to draw his knees to his chest, but Kurt stopped him.

"We won't, Blaine, I promise. We'll go to my house, maybe the Lima Bean, and I'll call the glee club over for a party. We won't do anything you don't want to do."

Blaine bit his lip nervously, his eyes shifting. Kurt cupped his cheek and looked into his eyes.

"I promise, Blaine."

Blaine finally smiled and nodded. Kurt returned it and kissed him on the cheek. They spent the rest of the day planning what they were going to do the next day and since Kurt didn't have his phone, he sent out a mass message on Facebook with his laptop. They all responded quickly and said they would be there at 4 as planned.

Kurt left that night for his hotel room, knowing he wouldn't be able to sleep from the excitement. Blaine was coming home, if only for a day, and Kurt would be there the whole time, making sure he was happy in his time away.

* * *

><p>After only a couple of hours of sleep due to excitement, Kurt got up and quickly showered and dressed, picking out a couple of things for Blaine because he knew that they had taken Blaine's clothes on arrival at the hospital and he would not want to wear hospital scrubs all day. When he finally arrived at the hospital,<br>he practically ran inside, signed in, and ran to Blaine's room. Kathy was in the room talking to Blaine.

"No alcohol or tobacco products, no sharp objects, and you stay with Kurt, ok?"

Blaine nodded. His knee was bouncing as one foot rested on the floor and the other sat tucked beneath him.

"I'll take care of him, Kathy," Kurt smiled from the door. Blaine looked up and smiled brightly.

"I know, Kurt. I'm just making sure. You heard what I said, right."

Kurt nodded.

"Ok, boys, leave when you're ready and be back by ten. If all goes well, it won't be the last time."

After Kathy left, Kurt shut the door and pulled the clothes out of his bag.

"I figured you may want some regular clothes. You've lost some weight, so I figured you could wear them."

Blaine smiled and stood up to hug Kurt. "Thanks, baby."

Kurt kissed his cheek and handed him the clothes. Blaine backed up and stripped his shirt of, revealing the healed and healing gashes on his body. Kurt blushed and turned away.

"Did I do something wrong?" Blaine asked quickly.

"Oh, no...just giving you some privacy. No bathroom in here, you know..."

"Kurt...it's fine," Blaine replied. Kurt slowly turned around and looked at his boyfriend. Blaine was gorgeous. He wasn't allowed to shave at the hospital, so he had a thick layer of hair over his jaw and his mouth, making him look older than he really was. Blaine's abs flexed as he moved to hook his thumbs into the band of the scrub pants and pull them off his legs. Kurt never saw the damage to his lower body before and it was a little shocking, but Kurt was too overtaken by the tight black boxer briefs Blaine was wearing.

"Wow," Kurt sighed without thinking. Blaine stopped and looked down his body.

"What is it?"

"You're beautiful," Kurt couldn't look away from the Greek god in front of him.

Blaine blushed and grabbed the jeans Kurt had given him, pulling them on with a bit of difficulty as they were still a little tight. He slipped on the t-shirt and sat on the bed to put on the sneakers Kurt had placed next to the clothes.

"You look like you again," Kurt smiled, "Only a little less hipster."

Blaine laughed and stood up, looking in the mirror over his end table. He ran his fingers through his curls and sighed.

"I look like shit," he said almost to himself. Kurt shook his head and walked in behind Blaine, wrapping his arms around Blaine's chest, feeling the muscles of his pecks flex at the touch.

"You look just as amazing as you did the day I met you," Kurt rested his chin on Blaine's shoulder. "You'll get back to where you want to be soon enough."

Blaine gave a small smile and his eyes met Kurt's eyes in the reflection. They moved slowly down to Kurt's hand on his chest and his breathing became a bit more erratic.

"You ok?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah...I just...really like your hand there," Blaine reached up and placed his hand over it. "Makes me all fuzzy feeling."

Kurt laughed and turned Blaine around to kiss him. It was innocent- a kiss- nothing more than they had shared in the past, but when Kurt felt Blaine moan against his lips, he couldn't stop his hands from sliding his hands firmly over the tight muscles of Blaine's back and pulling him closer. Kurt pressed Blaine back against the end table, making their hips clash together and pulling a groan from both of them.

"Oh, god," Blaine breathed against his lips. Kurt stepped back quickly and covered his mouth.

"Shit, I'm so sorry, Blaine."

"Why? I liked it."

Kurt shook his head. "No, you're sick, Blaine, I can't do this right now. I'm so sorry." Kurt covered his eyes. Blaine walked forward and pryed Kurt's hands away.

"Just because I'm sick doesn't mean I don't still find you attractive, Kurt," Blaine linked his fingers in Kurt's.

"Let's just go, baby," Kurt sighed. "I just...I can't right now..."

Blaine lifted Kurt's chin with his index finger. "I understand, baby. Love you."

"I love you, too," Kurt finally smiled. They walked out of the hospital, security following them to Kurt's navigator, and started their 2 hour drive to Lima.

Blaine had fallen asleep on the way, the medicine making him unusually groggy. Kurt saw the sign- Westerville Corp. Limits.

Kurt felt his heart race as he tried to quickly drive through the city before Blaine woke up. He passed the familiar white mailbox and saw the large home looming like a dark cloud. Police tape still littered the yard and stuck to the door and windows. There were no cars there like he was used to except Blaine's black Altima, which had been untouched since Blaine left school the night before he killed his parents.

Blaine began to stir and Kurt quickly placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't, baby...we're passing it."

Blaine kept his eyes closed. He knew they were there, so he pulled his arms tighter around himself and buried his head into the headrest of the seat. Kurt waited until they reached "Westerville- City Limits" before he squeezed Blaine's shoulder.

"Ok."

Blaine opened his eyes and sat up slowly, his arms still holding his torso. His fingers began tapping against his bicep.

"It's ok, Blaine. We've passed it. No problem. Relax, ok?"

Blaine's fingers flexed before he stopped, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

"I'm so proud of you, sweetie. You just psyched yourself out of it," Kurt smiled.

Blaine laughed nervously. "I did, didn't I?"

Kurt squeezed the had gripping his arm and he felt Blaine relax beneath his touch. The pulled into Lima and turned down two streets and halt at one stop sign before they finally pulled into the Hummel driveway. Burt and Carol immediately exited the house and stood on the porch, waiting for them.

"They're excited to see you, I think," Kurt laughed and got out of the car before going around to open the door for Blaine. Carol looked like she just wanted to wrap Blaine up in her arms, but Burt must have told her about being careful when approaching him. Blaine, however, didn't hesitate. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Carol's neck and let her return it.

"Thank you for the cookies, Mrs. Hummel," he said into her shoulder.

"It was no problem, sweetheart," she broke the hug and held him at arm's length.

"You look well, Blaine. Have you been eating ok? You look a little thin-"

"I think Carol's about to have a hay day with lunch," Burt chuckled. Blaine smiled and nodded.

Burt put out an arm and Blaine leaned into it, a one-armed man-hug but all the more comforting because this was Kurt's family- they still loved him.

Finn stumbled at the door frame, causing all of them to look up and laugh lightly.

"Sorry...tripped- woah BLAINE!"

He pulled the boy in for a hug and Kurt winced, expecting an outburst, but Blaine laughed nervously and returned it.

"How are you, man? Wow...you look like a hobo," he picked at Blaine's growing beard. Blaine swatted his hand away playfully.

"Finn, stop insulting my boyfriend so we can get inside," Kurt huffed and thrusted a bag into Finn's arms. Finn stuck his tongue out at Kurt before lurching inside.

Blaine turned to Kurt and rested his hand on Kurt's neck. "Thanks for bringing me back. It's better than I expected."

"You're doing so good, baby," Kurt leaned into the touch as Blaine's hand moved from Kurt's neck to his cheek. "After lunch, take your medicine and don't you dare go trying to find a razor to shave that beard off."

"Fine, Kathy," Blaine rolled his eyes and took Kurt's hand and let the taller boy lead him inside.

* * *

><p>"So...what do you do at that place?"<p>

"Finn," Carol hissed at him at lunch an hour later.

"No, it's ok," Blaine said softly. He got a little antsy earlier while watching a football game with Finn and Burt and since then, he had been a bit withdrawn.  
>"I mostly watch TV, go talk to the psychiatrist, come up with songs in my head- they don't have instruments there, so I just kind of have to make myself memorize it."<p>

"Maybe after this you can go write them down- get them out of your head," Kurt suggested. Blaine smiled at him and squeezed his hand under the table.

"I'd like that. Thanks."

The family watched the exchange in awe. It was quite obvious that Kurt was making Blaine better. Burt even noticed a change since he had been there. Blaine was much less reserved than he was.

After lunch, they headed up to Kurt's room, still laughing about carol getting onto Finn for tossing a plate into the sink. Blaine followed Kurt in and sat on the bed while Kurt dug around in his school bag for his notebook and a pencil.

Blaine knew he was sick. He knew that right now was a really bad time to be turned on, but when Kurt bent over, his eyes raked up his thighs to his ass in those ungodly jeans he was wearing. Kurt turned around, his eyes catching Blaine's.

"Where you checking me out, Mr. Anderson?" Kurt smirked.

"Maybe...how could I not?" Blaine smiled back. Kurt set the notebook and pencil down on the bed next to Blaine and pulled him in for a heated kiss. Blaine's fingertips and toes tingled and flexed involuntarily and he cupped the back of Kurt's neck to pull him closer. He knew it wouldn't last, especially after what happened in the hospital, so he fought back the needy whimper he wanted to let out when Kurt pulled away and slipped the notebook into Blaine's hand.

"Go on, get all those songs out of your head. Give you some room in there for getting better," Kurt tapped Blaine's temple with his finger, making Blaine smile and blush. Kurt sat down at his desk as Blaine lay flat on his stomach on his bed, quickly scribbling away at the paper, occasionally mumbling or humming to himself. Kurt did some homework, occasionally glancing over at Blaine and smirking when Blaine would scrunch up his nose in concentration. It wasn't long before Kurt heard Blaine drop the pencil on the pad. "That's about it."

Kurt turned around and smiled. "Can I see?"

"You won't be able to understand it. I wrote it in Italian so only I could read it for now."

Kurt was a little disappointed, but knew there was a reason. Blaine tore the two pages out of his notebook and tucked them away in his pants pocket. "Thanks. I'm glad to have some of that out of my head. It's all I can do when I'm not watching tv to keep from going totally insane in there."

They heard bounding up the stairs and turned to see a flash of blond. Brittany stopped in the door, seeing Blaine.

"Dolphin?"

Blaine smiled. "Hi, Kitty Kat."

Brittany moved slowly toward him and gently placed a hand on his cheek.

"Your face is all scratchy. Are you still sick?"

Blaine nodded. "Yeah."

"Can I catch it?"

"No, Kitty Kat," Blaine smiled.

Brittany wrapped her arms around Blaine's neck and squeezed. Blaine hugged her back, his forehead resting just below her collar bone.

"I hope you feel better soon, Dolphin. I miss you."

"I already am. I miss you too, Kitty. I'm getting better every day. Kurt's been helping me so much."

Kurt gave a small smile as Brittany looked over at him.

"Please don't let my dolphin hurt himself anymore, Kurt," Brittany said sadly. "He's my best friend."

Kurt stood up and pulled Brittany and Blaine into a three-way hug. "I will, Britt. Forever."

* * *

><p><strong>I loooooooove Blittany friendship! it's too effin cute. Anyway, the next chapter will be a liiiiiitle steamy. You'll see. Also : NUDE ERECTIONS...and glee club :P lol <strong>


	7. This Could Be The End of Everything

**This chapter starts out awesome, but ends in super sadness...don't worry, friends...it will be ok :)**

* * *

><p>"Hey, hobbit! Get down here!"<p>

"Blainey!"

"Come on, Anderson, you can get it on with Hummel anytime!"

Blaine giggled at the sounds coming from downstairs and they broke apart.

"It's only 2:40. I thought you guys weren't coming until 4," Kurt looked at the clock.

"We were ready to see Dolphin," Brittany shrugged. "Everyone is downstairs, come on," Brittany took Blaine's hand and pulled him along. Kurt smiled and followed suit.

Upon reaching the bottom of the stairs, he saw the entire Glee club standing or sitting haphazardly around his living room, Burt and Carol absent from the group as they had run to the grocery store.

"Blaine! Oh dude, you look like a hobo," Puck smiled and stood.

"That's what I said," Finn laughed. Blaine shook his head, his hands starting to shake.

"Guys, stop yelling," Kurt took one of Blaine's hands. "He's still a little shaken."

"Sorry," Mercedes said and swatted Puck's arm.

"My bad, dude, we just missed you."

Blaine smiled weakly and ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah...they won't let me shave."

"Why?" Brittany asked.

Kurt heard Santana whisper something about 'sharp objects' and 'cutting himself' and Brittany's eyes took a sad tone.

"Anyway, what are you guys doing here so early?"

"We missed the hobbit too much. We brought some movies and we're gonna order pizza later," Santana smiled. Santana had basically adopted Blaine as her little brother after all the stuff with Karofsky went down at the benefit concert.

"Come on, Blaine, come sit," Mercedes walked over slowly and took his hand. Blaine smiled and followed her, taking a seat on the couch. Kurt sat next to him and Blaine immediately took Kurt's hand in his.

"So, tell us how you've been," Quinn said.

"I don't know...ok I guess, all things considering," Blaine shrugged.

"What do you do there?" Sam asked.

"I talk to doctors, watch TV, take a bunch of pills...nothing really interesting."

"Do they know what's wrong with you?" Rachel asked. Kurt had neglected to share much information with them because he wasn't sure if Blaine wanted them to know, but he just sat up a bit straighter and sighed.

"I have undifferentiated schizophrenia. Means they really don't know exactly which type I have because I seem to have a mix of all of them."

"What are your symptoms?" Mercedes asked

Blaine couldn't really answer that, as he really didn't remember, so he looked at Kurt.

"Well," Kurt started, "sometimes he hallucinates, he has a tick where he taps his fingers, sort of like now," Kurt quickly places his hand over Blaine's other where he was tapping away at his knee cap. "He has really bad flashbacks and dreams. When he's scared or stressed out, sometimes he starts naming off random facts-"

"Really? Like what?"

"Well...I learned that elephants are the only mammals that can't jump," The group laughed good-heartedly. Kurt smiled, squeezing Blaine's hand. Blaine couldn't help but smile, too.

"Yeah, I'm pretty nuts," he said out loud. The room stilled slightly.

"What?" Blaine asked, glancing among them.

"Well...you are...but you say it like it's a bad thing," Finn said.

"I killed my parents, Finn," Blaine said simply. The group seemed to tense at his bluntness. "I know what I did and I know it was a bad thing."

"Blaine...we know what you did, too...but we know you wouldn't have done it if things were different," Rachel walked over and knelt in front of him, placing a hand on his tapping fingers. Blaine didn't jump.

"You're a sweet, gentle, caring person and we see that. Yes, what you did was awful, but it wasn't you- it was the sickness."

Blaine swallowed a lump in his throat, dropping his head to hide the building tears in his eyes. Rachel lifted his chin.

"We still love you, Blaine. You're still one of us and we know the real you and that's all we're ever going to see."

Blaine let his tears fall and his chest heaved a sob.

"Can I hug you, Blaine?" Rachel tilted her head.

Blaine nodded and Rachel wrapped her arms around his neck comfortingly. The rest of the club moved over and placed comforting hands on Blaine, rubbing his shoulder or arm, letting him know that he wasn't alone. Blaine cried into Rachel's shoulder, muttering thank yous and I'm sorrys as he did so. Kurt wiped his own eyes and felt his heart burst at the sight of his friends caring so deeply. Quinn looked over and smiled sweetly.

"I think Kurt needs a hug, too," she said and the club moved over and dog piled Kurt, ruffling his hair.

"Aah, come on, the hair, really?" Kurt called through the limbs. Blaine laughed at the display and squeezed his hand, which was squeezed back. After the reunion, they finally picked Finding Nemo from the pile of movies Santana mentioned and took up various positions around the room. Brittany settled in Blaine's lap, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"I love you, Dolphin," she smiled.

"Love you too, Kitty Kat," Blaine smiled. Kurt snuggled closer to them and Blaine wrapped an arm around each of them as the movie started. They laughed at the silly jokes and reminisced about times in the glee club.

"Oh, god, remember when Kurt ralphed all over Miss Pilsbury's shoes!" Puck laughed out loud. "He was so wasted."

Blaine had never heard this story. He looked over at Kurt, a surprised look on his face. "Wasted, huh?"

"Shut up, I liked it," Kurt mumbled and buried his face in Blaine's shoulder.

"Yeah, and the muscle magazines she gave him, too," Finn laughed. "I picked one up once...two pages were stuck togethe-"

"Oh, god, shut up!" Kurt blushed again. The group laughed and Blaine squeezed his shoulder.

"Didn't know you had a thing for muscles. Maybe I should work on that," he winked. Kurt shook his head.

"You look perfectly fine, thank you. I was young and naive."

Blaine raked his eyes over Kurt's body before giving him one more wink, one that made Kurt's knees go weak, and turned back to the conversation.

Kurt couldn't help but feel the burning sensation in his stomach at the look Blaine gave him. He wanted to be intimate with Blaine...but right now Blaine didn't need that...he needed someone there for support and to help him get better. God, did Kurt want to do things with him. He had started thinking about it a lot lately and seeing Blaine today...shirtless, pantsless and in those sinfully tight boxer briefs-

"Um...Kurt?"

Kurt was snapped from his reverie by the glee club staring at him. "What?"

"Did you just moan?"

Kurt's eyes widened and he cleared his throat.

"I um...accidentally...scratched my hand...hang nail," he mumbled. Blaine let a smug smile settle across his face, never looking away from the television.

"O..k, well, maybe you should go take care of that," Mercedes giggled at him.

She gave Kurt a knowing look and he threw a glare at her.

"I'm fine, Mercedes."

"No, I think she's right," Blaine piped up. "You know, hangnails can get infected if you leave it, darling," he looked over at Kurt, his eyes flashing with need.

"Um...ok, I'll...yeah," Kurt stood up and walked quickly toward the downstairs bathroom. When he got the door shut, he leaned against the wall, his head resting against it and the heel of his palm pressing down into his crotch to try and bring it down. Why was he thinking of his schizophrenic boyfriend like this right now! Blaine didn't need that.

He heard the door crack and saw Blaine peek his head it. "You ok, baby?"

Kurt moved his hand from the front of his pants and slipped it behind his back. "Yeah, fine. Feeling a little-"

"Turned on?"

Kurt's eyes widened for the second time in five minutes. "Blaine-"

Blaine locked the door and moved toward Kurt, pressing his body gently against Kurt's. "Look, I get it- I'm crazy and I know it- but I'm also a teenager with a very sexy boyfriend who cares very deeply about me and deserves a reward for all the wonderful things he's done for me."

Blaine's hands moved slowly to Kurt's hips and he pulled himself closer, their hips meeting with not nearly enough friction.

"Kurt...when I'm not having memories in my dreams, I'm dreaming about you," he slowly thrusted forward against Kurt, who let out a slight whimper. "Mmm and that noise you're making."

Kurt clutched at the wall for something to hold on to. The pleasure he was feeling just from Blaine pressing his hips against his was absolutely intoxicating.

"I want you so bad, Kurt. I may not be up for much, but I need you...don't fight it."

Kurt didn't. He attacked Blaine's lips and slid his hand into the curls on the back of Blaine's head. Blaine moaned and gripped at Kurt's hips, working his thumb beneath Kurt's t-shirt to feel the soft skin of his waist. Kurt's other hand slid carefully up Blaine's chest and his fingers tingled as he felt Blaine's tight chest muscles tense. Blaine moved his lips down Kurt's jaw and neck and grinded his hips forward again, a little harder this time.

"Mmm, Blaine," Kurt leaned his head back against the wall as Blaine gently raked his teeth against the skin at the base of Kurt's neck.

"Feel good?" Blaine asked, breath heavy and hips grinding down again.

"Oh, god, yes."

Blaine smiled against Kurt's neck and and slipped his hands up his sides gently. This was the Blaine Kurt knew- easy, gentle, soft- and he had missed it so much.

Blaine reattached his lips to Kurt's and began thrusting harder against him. Kurt gasped and reached down to grab Blaine's ass and pulled Blaine harder against him.

"Ungh, Kurt," Blaine buried his face into Kurt neck, his hot breath falling heavily against it. Without thinking, Kurt reversed their positions, pushing Blaine against the wall and kissing feverishly down his jaw.

"Mmn," Blaine let out a moan before he felt his mind race.

_Sick litte fag!_

Blaine's heart started racing.

_You're disgusting!_

Blaine felt his fingers start to tap against his thigh as Kurt's hand started moving down his chest and stomach.

"No," he whined inaudible. Kurt didn't hear him. His hand rested on Blaine's crotch, cupping his erection and squeezing gently.

_Blaine's father shoved him harshly against the wall._

_"This is how it's gonna be, boy," his hands gripped Blaine's wrists painfully. "You're not a fag in this house. You don't bring anyone here and I don't wanna hear anything about it, you got that?"_

_"Dad, stop, it hurts!"_

_Carson slapped Blaine hard across the face. "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, BOY!"_

"No, stop it, please!"

"Blaine?" Kurt moved back quickly, letting go of Blaine's hands, which had been held against the wall.

"I'm sorry, Daddy, I'm so sorry, please!" Blaine slid down the wall, trembling and crying.

"Blaine, baby, I'm so sorry. Please calm down," Kurt leaned down and tried to take Blaine's hand, but Blaine pulled away from him and stood up, grabbing a bottle of face wash and throwing it against the wall. Blaine's eyes had started shifting madly and he started grabbing and throwing, screaming, kicking and punching anything in reach.

"Baby, please stop!" Kurt couldn't take it. He heard the door open and Finn and the glee club were standing there, watching in horror at the outburst. Blaine ripped the shower curtain and started muttering in Italian.

"Non voglio essere qui! Sto andando correre lontano! Cazzo uccidermi!"

Rachel covered her face in horror and the rest of the club looked frightened and concerned. Kurt buried his face in his hands.

"Blaine, baby, it's me, please calm down," he cried into his palms. Blaine looked around, angrily, and saw Kurt huddled against the wall, crying.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, huh!" Blaine took Kurt by the shoulders and slammed him against the wall. "Why are you crying, you filthy faggot!"

Finn charged forward, but Kurt stopped him.

"Finn, dont! He won't hurt me!"

"Kurt, he-!"

"Don't! Blaine, come on, sweetie, it's me, it's Kurt, snap out of it-"

Blaine pulled him back and shoved him into the wall again. "No one will ever love you! You're nothing but a disappointment!"

"Blaine, it's Kurt!"

"YOU'RE FUCKING USELESS, BLAINE! YOU MAKE ME SICK!" Blaine's eyes closed and he tightened his grip on Kurt's shoulders, on which Kurt could feel bruises forming already. He stopped screaming, his breath coming hard and shallow. Blaine let him go and backed up against the sink, his hands tangling in his hair.

"Raccogli boccioli di rosa come voi possiate..." Blaine began quoting Herrick's 'To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time' in Italian. "Old Time ancora in volo..."

The glee girls were crying along with Puck and Brittany had buried her face into Santana's neck. Kurt swallowed hard and crawled slowly over to Blaine.

"Blaine, look at me," Kurt carefully placed his hand on Blaine's, which were still gripping his curls.

"E questo stesso fiore che oggi sorride, Domani sar morendo," Blaine shrunk farther into himself.

"Blaine, sweetheart, come on, relax. Listen to me, Blaine. It's Kurt, your boyfriend, your best friend- please come back, baby." Kurt was sobbing, but he never let up. He knew he could get him back.

Blaine fell silent and Kurt felt his hand relax slightly beneath his.

"What's going on?" Burt walked up behind to group, his eyes resting on the demolished bathroom and the boys sitting on the floor. "Kurt?"

"Later, ok? Come on, Blaine. We're all here and we all love you. No one thinks your disgusting or a disappointment. I love you so much and I know you love me too."

Blaine finally, slowly, raised his head and looked up at Kurt. His eyes were dry but they were full of fear and a glimmer of confusion.

"K-kurt, I-"

"Shh, it's ok. I know," Kurt moved over and sat down next to Blaine against the counter. Blaine looked around the destroyed bathroom- the broken mirror, the ripped shower curtain, the hole he kicked into the wall.

"Did..did I do this?"

No one answered him. He heard the club sniffling and saw Carol with her hand covering her mouth.

Blaine dropped his hands to the floor and stared, scared and upset, at the top of his sneakers.

"Blaine...honey, it's ok. We can easily clean this up. Don't worry, ok?" Carol said soothingly. Blaine closed his eyes and tried to steady his breathing.

"Guys, why don't you head back to the living room and we'll be there soon."

Puck and Finn looked at each other nervously, as did a couple of the girls.

"He won't hurt me, I told you," Kurt said softly to the group. "Please...he's just freaked out right now."

The group slowly turned and walked back to the living room, Brittany throwing Blaine a watery smile, which he didn't see. Brittany looked a little defeated and turned to leave with the group.

Kurt sighed and took one of Blaine's hands on the floor and pulled it to his chest, holding it for dear life. Blaine didn't squeeze his hand like he usually did.  
>He was almost in a trance, his eyes never blinking and staring down at his shoes.<p>

"Blaine, say something to me. Anything. I don't care what it is, just please let me know you're still with me."

Blaine didn't respond.

"Please, sweetie," Kurt cried harder, gripping Blaine's seemingly lifeless hand harder.

"I hurt you," Blaine said faintly.

Kurt gasped in surprise. Blaine turned slowly and used his broken hand to lift up Kurt's shirt sleeve to reveal the almost black bruises on Kurt's upper arm.

Blaine stared, emotionless, at the marks he made on him while Kurt cried harder at the way Blaine looked.

"It's ok, Blaine, you didn't mean to-"

"I didn't mean to strangle my father to death or stab my mother with a kitchen knife," he replied flatly. "But I did."

"What are you saying, Blaine?"

"Take me back to St. Patrick's, Kurt." Blaine finally dropped Kurt's shirt sleeve. "Take me back and don't ever come and see me again."

Kurt's heart shattered in his chest. "No..."

"I'm not gonna be the one to end your life, Kurt. I want you to die happy and with someone who isn't fucked up in the head. I want you to be with someone who will take care of you and you won't have to worry every night when you go to sleep if he will hurt you. I want you safe and I'm not safe anymore."

Kurt dropped Blaine's hand and moved in front of Blaine, resting his head against Blaine's knees.

"Don't do this to me, Blaine," he sobbed into Blaine's jean-clad legs. "I can't live without you."

"You can," Blaine said. "You're strong, Kurt, and I'm a mental case."

"Stop it!" Kurt cried and punched Blaine's thigh in anger. "Stop telling yourself that! If you keep doing that, you won't get better!"

"What reason do I have to get better if all I'm going to do is screw it all up again?"

"That's not true!"

"It keeps happening, Kurt, nothing is getting better." Blaine's voice stayed even and calm. He was serious.

Kurt slumped back against the opposite wall and slammed his head back against it hard.

"Stop, Kurt," Blaine closed his eyes.

"I'm not going to go on without you! You're everything to me, Blaine, and I'm not gonna let you push me away."

"Take me back," he looked straight into Kurt's eyes.

Kurt rubbed his hand against his forehead, not knowing what to do with himself at the moment. He couldn't think straight. He refused to let Blaine fall back into himself and lose all the progress he had made.

"I'm not letting you do this," Kurt finally said.

"I won't let you come back. You'll just waste your time," Blaine pulled his knees to his chest and began tapping his fingers against his knee.

Kurt instinctively moved forward to place his hand over Blaine's to stop it, but Blaine pulled quickly away from him. Kurt pulled his hand back as if he had touched a flame.

"You have never been a waste of time. And if you keep on doing this, Blaine, I'll just keep coming back until you let me in. I know you still love me, Blaine-"

"I never said I didn't love you," Blaine said through gritted teeth. "I'll always love you."

"They why are you intentionally trying to break my heart right now?" Kurt screamed, making Blaine wince.

"I'm sorry," Kurt lowered his voice. "Please don't do this, Blaine."

Blaine stood shakily and walked out of the bathroom, leaving Kurt trembling and crying on the floor. He heard Burt's voice asking questions and Blaine simply saying over and over 'I need to go back'.

Each time he said it, Kurt's heart ripped a little more. Kurt knew Blaine wasn't intentionally trying to hurt him, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. Burt and Blaine walked quickly past the bathroom and Kurt shot up and followed them to the door.

"Blaine, please!" Kurt cried out one more time, causing Blaine to stop and the glee club to look on in confusion. "Don't do this to me, please."

Blaine closed his eyes, one lone tear escaping from beneath his lashes. He turned his head slightly, catching the eyes on him from the living room.

"I'm so sorry, Kurt. This is better for you."

Blaine walked out, followed by Burt, who threw Kurt a look of deep sorrow, and the door shut behind them. Kurt's knees gave out and he dropped his head in his hands. The club came over to him and hugged him tightly, Brittany leaning her head against his.

"Is he gone forever?"

Kurt gripped his chest, feeling pain flare up and burn him. He knew that he wasn't going to let this go. Blaine loved him and he was good enough. He always was and would be. Kurt just had to help him see it and not let him fall. Kurt promised Blaine he wouldn't let him fall and he wasn't about to let Blaine being a gentleman stop that from happening.

* * *

><p><strong>Herrick's 'To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time' is often refered to as 'Gather ye Rosebuds' (No it's not shakespeare! lol I was proud I typed this from memory!)<br>**

_**Gather ye rosebuds, while ye may**_

_**Old time is still a-flying**_

_**And this same flower that smiles today**_

_**Tomorrow will be dying**_

**Also, the Italian rambling in this chapter was "I don't want to be here! I want to go far away! Fucking kill me!"**

**Blaine is in a serious mess right now and our boys are gonna be apart for a bit, but can Blaine make it without Kurt? Kurt will fight for him, I assure you and we'll see how it turns out  
><strong>


	8. You Tear This Canvas Skin Apart

**Glee filming beginning in only a few hours...EEK! Congrats to Darren and Cory for their TCAs. Darren will have hours of fun with that surfboard...**

* * *

><p>Six hours.<p>

That was the most sleep Kurt had gotten in the past four days after Blaine left. He didn't go to school. He only ate when the burning in his stomach made him feel physically ill. Burt and Carol's pleas for him to come out of his room fell on deaf ears and Finn's glass of warm milk was untouched when he came in the next morning to see if he was going to school. Kurt knew he couldn't do this to himself- it was totally unhealthy and bad for his mind- but he didn't have enough strength in him anymore to care.

Kathy had called him that night after he finally was able to pull himself up off the floor and climb the stairs to his room, the glee kids in shock and with no words to comfort him.

"Kurt, sweetie, how are you?"

"I don't know," he answered weakly. He wanted to say that he felt like his heart was bleeding out into his stomach, weighing it down and drowning him, but he didn't.

"I know this is hard to hear, but right now maybe it's for the best. Blaine's going through a really bad relapse right now."

"He was fine when we got here," Kurt felt the tears start to fall again.

"I know," Kathy soothed him. "You're father couldn't even get him out of the car. We had to have security bring him in and even then it was a struggle. He was screaming and kicking."

Kurt could see the fear and anger in Blaine's eyes in his mind. His heart ripped farther.

"Anyway, we've sedated him and he's asleep, but he's gone silent again. The only thing he'll say is I'm sorry."

Kurt gripped his phone so tightly his knuckles were whitening. "God, Kathy, what do I do?" he sobbed.

"Kurt, I think you need to start coming to see Dr. Joseph-"

"If I come, I wanna see Blaine."

"Kurt...legally we can't let you see him if he won't let you. Your father told us everything."

Kurt cried harder. "I can't live without him, Kathy, I feel like I'm already dying."

"You need to speak with the psychiatrist, Kurt," Kathy said sadly. "You sound like you're having Caregiver Stress."

"I just want him back. He still loves me and I love him, too. I just don't understand-"

"I've talked to your dad. If you want, he's scheduled you to come here every Thursday morning. We'll get it worked out with your school. This is going to drive you crazy, Kurt, and you can't let that happen. I don't disagree that Blaine still loves you...he just really needs to figure this all out right now and worry about getting better."

"He told me I was the reason he wasn't dead yet," Kurt sobbed again. "If I'm not there-"

"We would never let that happen, Kurt, I promise," Kathy said, determination in her voice. "He will come around after all of this, I'm sure. I'll see you Thursday?"

Kurt couldn't answer her. His throat was raw and thick with the horrible lump in his throat. He hung up the phone and fought the urge to throw it across the room. Kurt buried his face in his pillow and screamed, letting out the anguish and frustration as best as he could without alerting the rest of the house. He didn't sleep that night at all, eventually turning on his side and staring out the window. He heard car doors slam, engines start, silence, front door open, the television, Carol announcing dinner, his father's pleas for him to come eat, but he never answered- he couldn't. He didn't care enough anymore to keep going if Blaine wasn't with him.

Now, he turned over on his back, staring at the ceiling, smelling the steaming lasagna that Carol had just placed on his bedside table and the tingling sensation on his cheek where she had touched it. He knew he needed a shower, but that would be moving forward and he didn't want that.

The next day he was supposed to go to Columbus- to St. Patrick's- and he wasn't even allowed to see Blaine. Kurt looked over at his clock and realized it was four in the morning and he had no clue that time had even gone by. He sighed and decided that a shower wasn't that bad. A week ago, he would have slapped someone who told him he would go four days without a shower, a shave, or a moisturizing routine, but now, the idea of it wasn't that bad either.

Kurt sat next to his dad in the car, staring down at his shoes. He didn't even dress normally today. He grabbed one of Blaine's old t-shirts he had left at Kurt's once that was just a little too big for him and a pair of loose jeans. What was fashion when he felt so lost and empty?

"Kurt? I know you don't really wanna do this, but I'm proud of you for it."

Kurt remained silent.

"Son, Kathy said this will be good for Blaine. He'll be more focused on his recovery."

"Yeah?" Kurt finally looked up. "And what about when he gets out? He said he never wants to see me again, Dad. He said he isn't safe anymore and he wants me to find someone who I won't have to worry about hurting me. Dad, I wouldn't give a damn if he did...I love him and I miss him."

Burt blinked back tears at his son's sincerity. "I know, son. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

Kurt shook his head, but didn't speak. The pulled into St. Patrick's and Burt opened the door for Kurt.

"Come on, son, let's go," Burt held out his hand for Kurt. Kurt didn't take it, but stepped out of the car and stared up at the building. It was once a place that gave him a warm feeling in his heart- now he just wanted to burn it down.

* * *

><p><em>"Come on, Blaine!" a little boy grabbed his hand. By looking at his own hand in the little boy's, he was a child, too. The world around them was very bright, almost blinding, but the little boy in front of him didn't seemed bothered by it. They ran across an open field, wind blowing the wildflowers gently. A field of corn was off in the distance and a tree line wrapped around the expanse of the land.<em>

_"Who are you?" Blaine asked, his voice high and raspy like it used to be. The little boy turned around, his blue eyes shining._

_"You're funny, Blaine," he giggled and blushed before pulling him on. They finally stopped at the tree line to catch their breath. Blaine looked down to see he was wearing his green scrubs with some dirty sneakers- his favorites from when he was a child that his mother had gotten him for his birthday when he turned 6. The pale boy who had dragged him there walked to stand in front of him._

_"I love you, Blaine," the little boy smiled._

_Blaine furrowed his eyebrow, but replied, "I love you, too."_

_"Then why did you leave me?" The little boy's head tilted like that of any curious child asking a question. Suddenly, Blaine's heart sank into his chest._

_"K-kurt?"_

_"What?"_

_Blaine's eyes grew wide._

_"You didn't answer me, Blaine. You said you'd never leave me. You told me we would be together forever."_

_Blaine let out a shriek as Kurt's porcelain skin began to crack like glass. He threw his hands over his eyes and tried to pretend it wasn't happening._

_"Look at me, Blaine! Look what you're doing to me!"_

_Blaine cried and shook his head, dropping to his little knees onto the ground. He was met with a warm feeling of liquid seeping into his scrubs. He opened his little eyes and saw bright red blood seeping seemingly from the ground. Blaine screamed and scrambled backward, blood coating his hands. He looked up and saw an older Kurt- his Kurt- standing cracked, broken, blood pouring from each and every crack of that porcelain skin._

_"I LOVED YOU, BLAINE!"_

"No..."

_"LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME!"_

"I'm so sorry!"

_"YOU'RE CRAZY, BLAINE! I'M BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU!"_

"NOOO!"

Blaine stood up off his bed, where he had been sitting in silence. He screamed and grabbed his bed, flipping and breaking the window. He continued to scream apologies to the air as he swung his bedside lamp over and over into the end table. The door flew open, but he never registered it, or the four large hands that grabbed him and pulled him out of the room.

* * *

><p>"How are you today, Kurt," Dr. Joseph asked. Kurt shrugged his shoulders. Burt sat next to him, hands clasped together with his elbows resting on his knees.<p>

"I heard you had an eventful weekend- would you like to talk about it?"

"No."

"Kurt, please, I'm freaking out here," Burt begged him. "You're scaring me."

Kurt closed his eyes, tears appearing behind his eyes. He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index finger, staving them off, then moving his hand down to scratch at the scruff that had grown in from lack of shaving.

"Burt, why don't you tell me what happened?"

"I'm not really sure, actually. I came home from the store and Kurt's friends were all staring into the bathroom at Kurt and Blaine. Blaine was sitting on the floor and Kurt was trying to calm him down. Kurt was trying to tell him he wasn't a disappointment and he wasn't disgusting. Then it seemed like he snapped out of it and he saw that he had destroyed the bathroom and sort of looked...lost or something."

Dr. Joseph had been writing down things as Burt talked. "Then what happened?"

"We all just left Kurt with him- Kurt's always been really good about making him feel better. Next thing I know, Blaine comes running into the kitchen and pulling my arm, telling me he needed to go back. Kurt kept saying 'don't do this to me' and Blaine just said that it was better for him."

Kurt's tears finally started to fall, the memory of that afternoon tearing at the wounds on his heart. Dr. Joseph looked at Kurt.

"Kurt, it's very important that we know what happened to make Blaine do that. He won't speak to us anymore and your father doesn't have the whole story."

"It was an accident."

Dr. Joseph tilted his head. "What was?"

Kurt glanced at his father, feeling uncomfortable that he was about to relay this information with him in the room, but he knew that whatever punishment he would get for it wouldn't even matter.

"We were just kissing...things started to get a little heated and he pushed me back against the wall. Not hard at all, I didn't even really notice. After a minute, I flipped us around...I held his wrists to the wall..."

Dr. Joseph wrote everything down.

"I...I started...touching him over his jeans and I looked up and he had his eyes closed and was mumbling. I said his name a couple of times, but he just kept doing it. He said, 'no, stop it, please' and I let him go. He kept saying 'I'm sorry, Daddy, I'm sorry'..."

Kurt buried his head in his hands.

"Kurt, go on, you're doing very well," Dr. Joseph said soothingly. Kurt sniffed.

"I tried to let him know it was just me, but he started grabbing things and throwing them. He ripped off the shower curtain and kicked and screamed...my friends and step-brother came to the door and...at first he was just speaking Italian, like he usually does when he's freaked out, but then...it's like the memory came back to him..."

Kurt rolled up his shirt sleeve and revealed the purple and yellow bruise on his upper arm.

"Oh, god," Burt covered his face.

"It sounded like he was echoing his dad's words...he called me a filthy fa-," Kurt choked and sobbed. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine. Have some water," Dr. Joseph handed him the glass and he sipped it, trying to relax his breathing.

"Continue when you're ready, Kurt," the doctor smiled sympathetically. Kurt took a couple of deep breaths.

"He slammed me against the wall. Finn- my step-brother- was about to stop him, but I told him not to. Usually, I just have to keep reminding him that it's me and he'll snap out of it. He just kept screaming these horrible things at me, like I was him...he said no one would ever love me and that I was a disappointment. Then he said," Kurt swallowed, silently apologizing for the language he was about to use. "He said "You're fucking useless, Blaine. You make me sick.""

Burt wiped his eyes and sniffed.

"Anything else?"

"He started speaking Italian again...I've heard it before, but I don't know where..."

"Do you remember?"

"Um...Raccogli boccioli di rosa come voi-"

"-possiate. 'Gather ye rosebuds while ye may'. It's Herrick."

Kurt gasped and covered his mouth. "He...he used to recite that to me...we weren't even dating yet and we would be studying and when we would take a break, he would read poetry out loud...he said I was the only one who cared enough about it to listen...that one was always my favorite, so he translated it into Italian and said it to me...on nights when I would be homesick or missing my friends, I would text him, he'd come over to my room and just sit next to me while I tried to go back to sleep, reciting that poem."

Dr. Joseph sighed. "It's amazing...you're his comfort."

Kurt looked up, his brow furrowing. "What's that?"

"It's more of my own term than a medical term, because I've only seen it in a few cases. A comfort is something that is in the back of their mind that tries to make its way out when they're in a stressful situation or hallucinating or feel lost. You've also said before to Kathy that Blaine was singing a song you knew right?"

"O sole mio," Kurt said softly.

"You said that had sentimental value...the fact that just your voice saying your name seems to calm him...he seems to find comfort in you, Kurt."

Kurt's heart momentarily felt like it was about to flutter until he remembered.

"He never wants to see me again."

Dr. Joseph nodded. "I was told that he told your father he didn't want you to come see him anymore. I want you to promise me something Kurt. Can you do that?"

"I guess."

"Do not give up," Dr. Joseph leaned forward. "Blaine is very sick and I know you know that. Right now, I'm working very hard on his case and as soon as I figure out what to do to alleviate his symptoms, he will walk out of here able to control them and if he truly loves you, Kurt, he won't push you away anymore. He will be safe one day- I just need time to help him."

Kurt's chest heaved a sob but he nodded.

"Now, I want to keep seeing you. I feel like you are starting to feel the stress of taking care of Blaine and you really seem to be depressed. I'm going to write you a prescription for a mild anti-depressant and I'll see you-"

"No, Kurt, mi dispiace! Mi dispiace!"

Kurt's head shot up toward the door, a familiar voice calling his name. He leapt up and ran to the door, not caring that his father and the doctor were both calling after him. He threw the door open and looked down the hall. Two security guards were pulling Blaine down the hall. He was crying, his arms thrashing against the hold of the two men holding him. Both men looked saddened by the pleas of the young man in their arms, but they had to do their jobs.

"Mi dispiace farti del male, angelo! Ti amo!"

Kurt's blood seemed to freeze in his body. He didn't speak Italian, but he recognized two things- angelo, ti amo. 'Angel...I love you'.

"Blaine!" Kurt cried out. The curly haired boy turned to face him, his eyes shining and full.

"Kurt?" he said softly. The guards took the moment of least resistance to pull the white jacket onto him and tie his arms across the front.

"No, please, don't!" he cried, thrashing against the restraints.

"It'll be ok, sweetheart! I love you!" Kurt yelled to him as they pulled Blaine toward the double doors.

"I love you, too, angel! I'm so sorry!"

Kurt made to run toward him, but Burt wrapped his arm around Kurt's chest holding him back.

The guards took Blaine through the doors and Kurt watched them swing until they shut completely. Kurt felt his wounded heart warm slightly. Blaine still loved him. He was sorry. He looked like he regretted telling Kurt never to see him again...

"You ok, Kurt?" Burt turned him around to face him.

"Yeah...I'm ok."

Kathy came walking at a fast pace down the hall, taking the same path the guards had just taken.

"Oh, Kurt," she saw him and came over, pulling him into a hug. "They have to put him in confinement. He flipped his bed and broke a lamp in his room."

"Is that why they-"

"Yeah...did you see him?"

Kurt nodded. Kathy sighed sadly and squeezed his shoulders.

"I'll keep in touch. Keep your head up, sweetie."

Kurt gave a weak smile and nodded. She departed with a smile and disappeared through the double doors.

"Come on, kid, let's go get this prescription," Burt guided him by his shoulder out of the hospital into the parking lot. Before Burt opened the door, Kurt wrapped his arms around his neck and held him close.

"Kurt...you ok?"

"Just...thank you for making me come today...I know it's kind of weird, but seeing Blaine...hearing him apologize...seeing the way he looked at me...he still wants to be with me."

Burt smiled softly and squeezed his son. "I know, kid. One day, you'll be back together."

Kurt let out a shaky breath and let go, walking back around to the passenger side of the car and getting in, feeling a lot less wounded than he did when he arrived.

* * *

><p><strong>Wow...that head sequence...that came from a dark place in my soul...<strong>

**We are only two months into Blaine's confinement, friends...still four more to go. It will end the day of his release.**


	9. Ladybug

**Another silver lining ;)**

* * *

><p>The tune of 'Edge of Glory' rang out for the fifth time that morning. Kurt groaned, opening his still puffy eyes to see what the sound was and realized he was going to be late for school.<p>

"Shit!" he jumped up and hoped into the shower, washing quickly before jumping out and throwing on some clothes he really didn't pay much attention to- another loose pair of jeans and an olive green v-neck with a chest pocket. He scurried out of the house, only briefly stopping to down his newly-prescribed Prozac before hurrying Finn off his breakfast to drag him to school.

"Come on, Kurt, I don't think they'll be upset if you're late," Finn yawned as Kurt started the car.

"The past four days are the only days of school I've missed in high school, Finn. I have to go to the principal's office before classes and I don't wanna be late for class. I'm already behind as it is."

Finn shrugged. "So...how are you?"

"Fine, Finn," Kurt sighed, getting stuck behind a school bus and feeling a little frustrated.

"Did...you know...did you see him?"

The cries and looks of sadness in his lover's eyes flashed in his mind, but he shook his head. "Yeah...I did."

"How was he?"

"He flipped his bed."

Finn's eyebrows furrowed. "Umm..."

"Something must have triggered him and he went nuts," Kurt swallowed the lump in his throat that threatened more tears. He didn't think he had any left. "They put him in a strait jacket and took him to confinement."

Finn looked a little shocked. "I'm still not used to hearing about Blaine that way. He was always so cool and calm."

"Yeah..."

"Um...did you know you didn't shave today?"

Kurt immediately rubbed at the stubble on his face. "Damnit, I forgot."

"Calm down, man, it's cool...it suits you," Finn smirked, which was returned by a bitch glare from Kurt. "Is it weird that I miss when you did that?"

"What?"

"When you give me your bitch glare...it kind of reminds me that you're getting back to normal..."

Kurt couldn't help but smile. Finn was so sweet sometimes.

"Thanks, Finn."

They pulled into the school and were immediately attacked by glee kids.

Kurt barely got out before Mercedes wrapped her arms around his neck. "I missed you, boo! You ok?"

"I'm gonna be," Kurt gave her a small smile.

"Damn, Hummel...you look hot with facial hair," Santana winked. Kurt rolled his eyes.

"Yeah...like a puppy or something," Brittany scratched at it with her nails.

"I forgot to shave. Ugh, and dry my hair," he ran his fingers through his damp hair.

"Ah well, who cares, really?" Puck ruffled it. "I've always wanted to do that, but I figured you'd bite my hand off or something."

Kurt narrowed his eyes at him, but a grin crept across his face. They walked inside and Kurt departed for the principal's office.

"Principal Figgins?" Kurt announced as he opened the door.

"Ah, Mr. Hummel, come in," the principal smiled at him. Kurt sat down in front of the desk as Figgins retook his seat and gave him a smile.

"How are you?"

"I think I'll be ok when people feel like they don't have to ask me that anymore," Kurt said softly. "I brought my excuse for missing Monday through Thursday and a letter from St. Patrick's about missing school on Thursdays for...therapy," he cringed at the word. Never in eight hundred million years did Kurt ever think he would need therapy.

"I've spoken with the nurse at St. Patrick's already," Principal Figgins crossed his hands in front of his chest. "I know it's not my place to ask, but what exactly is going on?"

Kurt took a breath. "My boyfriend..." Kurt looked up for some sign of discomfort, but found none from the principal. "...he has schizophrenia. I've been taking care of him."

"The young man who killed his parents in Westerville?" Principal Figgins raised an eyebrow.

"Y-yes, sir. Look, I really don't care if you think he deserved to go to prison or not, I know he wouldn't have done it if he hadn't been sick."

Principal Figgins bit his tongue, Kurt could tell.

"Yes, well, I'll make sure your teachers know you will be going to your psychiatrist. You may go, Hummel."

The warm tone in his voice was gone. Kurt didn't really care. He knew there were people out there who thought Blaine should suffer. A murderer is a murderer to them, but to Kurt, he was just a sick, scared young man who needed help.

Kurt stood up and walked out quickly, his heart pounding a little bit and his eyes burning. He made his way to English, hoping maybe the rest of the world would be a little more forgiving.

* * *

><p>Blaine sat against the wall on the small bed in the corner of the room, staring at the blank white wall across from him. The only relief he felt from the confines of the jacket was bathroom breaks and a shower. His mind was seemingly blank, but inside it, he heard things- Kurt's voice and the way he sounded when he cried, his mother begging him not to, his father choking, Pachabel Canon in D, the three gravity laws-<p>

"Blaine?"

Blaine shifted his eyes to see Laura standing across from him near the door, her long, curly locks matted with sticks, blood, and mud and her face bruised and scarred. Her shining hazel eyes looked into his with a look of contentment and curiosity. He knew it was in his head, but it was so real. Blaine shook his head.

"What are you doing?" she quirked her little eyebrow like she used to when he would do something silly. A small smile cracked across his face.

"Hey, ladybug," he croaked, his voice almost gone from lack of use or screaming.

"Why are you wearing that? It looks uncomfortable."

"It is," he shifted a little. "I thought you were dead."

"I am," she bounced toward him, Blaine seeing the blood caked on the front of her dress more clearly. "So why are you here?"

"I'm crazy, ladybug," he sighed.

"I knew that when you jumped off of the top of Daddy's car with a sheet like you were trying to fly," she giggled. He remembered that. It was only months before Laura's accident. He was 8. Laura was 6.

"I thought it would work- Superman did it."

"Superman was a super hero, Blaine," she smirked. She approached him slowly, her tiny hand baring the dirt and gashes he remembered seeing just before the white sheet fell over her. She placed the hand on his knee, but he couldn't feel it. He knew what it was supposed to feel like, but the feeling wasn't there.

"Blaine? You look sad."

"I am," he replied softly.

"Why?"

"I hurt someone I love very much..."

"I know you killed Mommy and Daddy, Blaine. I see them every day."

Blaine's heart clenched. Thank god she wasn't alive to actually see it.

"I'm sorry, Laura-"

"It's ok...they get it now. We see you with Kurt sometimes. Mommy and me think he's cute."

Blaine blinked back tears. He was right...they were better off now.

"Why did you hurt Kurt? I thought he was helping you," she sat down on his bed, her scarred legs dangling over the edge where her Patton leather shoes didn't quite meet the floor.

"He was...I hurt him...I'm dangerous now, ladybug."

"No, you're not."

"What do you know, Laura, you're dead," Blaine bit at her. She didn't flinch.

"I know everything now. You're gonna get better."

Blaine's tears began to fall. "How?"

"Kurt's going to help you."

Blaine's heart clenched harder and he sobbed. Laura sat up on her knees perpendicular to him and tilted her head. "Why are you crying?"

"Because I want him back," Blaine choked. He had tried to live in complete numbness for the week, letting his medicine dull the ache in his heart, but now it was all flooding back to him and all he wanted to do was bury his head in his hands and let it all go.

"Do you remember when you cut your wrists the night you killed Mommy and Daddy, Blaine? What I told you before you came back here?"

Blaine nodded.

"Just let him save you. That's how it's supposed to happen. That's the plan for you."

"I don't believe in God, Laura, you know that."

"You don't have to- that's just the way it is."

Blaine opened his eyes and she was gone, the room completely silent again. The door opened and Kathy walked in with a clipboard.

"How are you today, Blaine?"

Blaine didn't immediately answer, as he was giving the staff the silent treatment for the past week.

"Still not gonna talk to me?" she chuckled. She pulled him forward and sat next to him, exactly where his little sister had just been.

"We've upped your dosage just a little bit. How would you feel about going back to a room today?"

Blaine nodded. "Kathy?"

She looked surprised at the sound of his voice. "Yes, Blaine?"

"How's Kurt?"

Kathy looked a little grave, but gave him a small smile. "He's gonna be ok. He's coming for sessions with Dr. Joseph on Thursdays."

Blaine sniffed and blinked at a few stray tears. "When he comes back...can I see him?"

Kathy's smile grew a little bit. "It will have to be supervised because of what happened Sunday-"

"I don't care...I just want to see him."

Kathy nodded and helped Blaine to stand. "I heard you talking. Who were you talking to?"

"My little sister. She died in a car accident when she was six."

"Oh, that's terrible. How is she?" Kathy knew it was in his head.

"I guess she's fine, I wouldn't know..."

Kathy looked confused. "I thought you spoke to her."

"Yeah...but it wasn't real...I guess I just imagined it."

Kathy's mouth fell open. "Wasn't real?"

"Yeah."

"Blaine...that's a major breakthrough...Do you mind going to see Dr. Joseph before we go to your room?"

Blaine shook his head and she removed the restraints and slipped off the strait jacket, allowing him to stretch his arms.

When he was finished, Kathy led him by the shoulder out of confinement and through the double doors, brimming with almost excitement to call Kurt.

* * *

><p>Kurt tossed his bag unceremoniously onto the floor by his door and flopped down onto his bed. He was exhausted after going back to school, his anti-depressant not really helping with his drowziness. He was almost asleep when his phone when his phone went off in his pocket.<p>

"H'lo?"

"Kurt? You'll never believe it!" It was Kathy.

"Is everything ok?"

"Blaine was in confinement and I went in to get him and take him to his new room and he was talking to someone- he said it was his little sister."

"Blaine doesn't have a little sister," Kurt said, confused.

"She was killed in a car accident when she was six."

Kurt's heart ached a little, saddened that Blaine had never told him this, but remembered her enthusiasm.

"Anyway, I came in and he was sitting on the bed crying. I asked him if he wanted to go to his new room and all that and when I asked about who he was talking to he told me. First of all, he finally spoke, but the big thing is...Kurt, he realized it wasn't real...he knew it was all in his head..."

Kurt gasped. "W-what does that mean?"

"His medicine is starting to work...he's getting better."

Kurt closed his eyes and bit back a smile. "That's...that's amazing!"

"It is. He actually spoke with Dr. Joseph and he told everything- all about the abuse he faced and his sister dying and what his father did to him- Kurt, it was like something finally clicked. That's what we've been looking for."

Kurt felt like his body was lighter than a feather- like the weight of worry and fear and anxiety was being lifted off his shoulders. He wanted to jump up and scream with joy, but he bit his lip in a smile.

"Kurt, when you come back Thursday for your appointment, he's asked to see you."

The broken pieces of Kurt's heart slowly slid back together like a puzzle. "R-really?"

"Yeah," she laughed. "I have to go, now, Kurt, but I told you not to give up. It still may be hard and there still may be times where he will be pretty bad, but it's getting better."

Kurt nodded. "Thank you so much, Kathy."

"You're so welcome, Kurt. I'll see you next week."

"Bye!" Kurt hung up the phone and ran downstairs quickly. Carol and Burt were on their way home from work, but he had to tell someone. He had to celebrate this new feeling.

"FINN!" Kurt ran into his brother's arms. Finn was in the kitchen about to make a grilled cheese, but was attacked by his step-brother.

"Woah, hey...what's this?"

"He made a breakthrough, Finn! He finally talked to the psychiatrist and they found out what they were looking for to help him! He's gonna be ok!"

Finn smiled and wrapped his arms around Kurt's small body. "That's awesome, Kurt. I can't imagine how happy you are."

"That's not all! He wants to see me again! Thursday!"

Finn couldn't help but laugh at the bright smile on Kurt's scruffy face. "I'm so happy for you, Kurt. It's sucked seeing you so depressed and shit."

Kurt stepped back and wiped his eyes, happy tears flooding his face. "Sorry...Everything just happened kind of fast and it just started to catch up to me I guess."

Finn smiled and cupped his shoulder. "You've been pretty tough, Kurt. Glad you and Blaine both finally got a break."

Kurt smiled back and Finn pulled him into another bone-crushing hug. The door opened and Burt and Carol walked in, stopping in the door at the sight.

"Um...boys?"

Kurt looked up, smiling at his father. That was all Burt needed to see. He hadn't seen Kurt smile since he brought Blaine home the Sunday before and it was always a welcome surprise.

Kurt frantically told his story again, Carol squealing and squeezing his hands and Burt smiling happily and hugging his neck. They spent the evening sitting in the living room watching television after Kurt and Carol made Friday Night dinner and spoke animatedly. Carol beamed at Kurt as he giggled when a bit of water he was transferring from the faucet to a glass splashed up and doused his face. Since she had married his father, she and Kurt were close. It killed Carol to see Kurt upset and now that he had a reason to smile again, Carol had a reason to smile.

* * *

><p><strong>AAAhhh! I just gave you more sadness from Blaine's past, but it will all come together at Kurt and Blaine's next meeting. Yay!<strong>


	10. My Love is Like a Red, Red Rose

**woot more! the poetry used here is 'I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud' by William Wordsworth, and "My Love is Like a Red, Red Rose' by Robert Burns.**

* * *

><p>Kurt went through the rest of the weekend and week on a Prozac and giddiness high. Mercedes refused him to shave because she said he looked 'too damn sexy', so he trimmed it up a bit and by the next Wednesday, he had a fashionable dusting along his jaw and chin he came to really like it. After school, he skipped up the stairs and rifled through his wardrobe, looking for the perfect outfit to wear for the next day. He settled on a pair of skinny jeans with Diesel sneakers, a purple button up shirt, and a black vest. Burt was standing at the door, unbeknownst to his son.<p>

"Big day tomorrow?" he joked. Kurt spoke of nothing else since he found out Blaine wanted him back.

"Yeah, I like to think so," Kurt smiled. He peaked over at the photo he usually carried with him in his pocket- the one of him and Blaine at the beach. It sat propped up on his bedside table against the lamp, it's sides worn and bent slightly. "You don't think he'll regret it, do you?"

"He may sometimes," Burt stepped into the room, stuffing his hands in his jacket pocket, "but he obviously realized you're more important. I just don't want you to get hurt, Kurt. I know I've said it a million times, but right now, you may as well be playing with fire."

"I just have this feeling that he would never hurt me...like when he looks at me, it seems like the confusion and the fear leave his eyes."

Burt sighed. "That's not what happened in the bathroom, apparently."

"It was my fault, Dad, I held him down. I know now that I can't do that and I'm over it. When we saw him last week, I saw the same look he always gives me- that look like he's trying to scream at me with his eyes that he'd never do anything to hurt me..."

Kurt trailed off, feeling his eyes burn again. "Dad, I know you aren't thrilled that I'm still with Blaine after what he did. Not everyone understands how he got off so easily, but he really didn't. He's fighting with himself right now and it would just be nice if he had more than just me. I mean, the glee club is even a little iffy about him now. They were so good to him when he was here, but now...they don't want us together because he put a damn bruise on my arm. He could have done the same thing tickling me, or even hugging me too hard."

Burt laughed shallowly. "You always were easy to bruise."

Kurt wiped his eyes. "So...please just tell me that you support me on this. You never really have."

Burt saw the pain in Kurt's eyes. Burt liked Blaine...he was just afraid of him. He would never tell Kurt that, but the boy was capable of the worst.

Burt sighed and came to a decision. He placed a hand on Kurt's neck. "I will always support what you think is right...I'm still a little on the fence, but I'll do anything I need to to make sure you're happy and if Blaine makes you happy, I'll help as much as I possibly can."

Kurt gave a watery smile and Burt pulled him in for a hug, cradling his head against his chest and stroking his hair.

"You kids are too young to have to deal with this much," Burt said against Kurt's hair.

Kurt squeezed his eyes shut and held his Dad closer.

"You said he's getting better though, right?"

"He's started realizing that some of the things he's seeing is only in his head," Kurt let go, moving to sit on the bed. "That was something they were really trying to fix."

"That's good," Burt smiled. "You said Blaine had a sister who died?"

"According to Kathy, when Blaine was eight and Laura was six, they were on the way back from some birthday party with Blaine's friend and his mom when an eighteen wheeler lost control and crossed into their lane. Blaine broke his arm and the mom and his friend were in the hospital for weeks, but Laura was killed instantly. Apparently, she was impaled by a tree limb."

"God...poor Blaine. He saw all that?"

"He was the one who stopped someone to call for help. From what the people Dr. Joseph and the police said about Laura was that she was a bit of a princess to the Andersons. Blaine never seemed to be able to do enough to make them happy, no matter how hard he studied, or what awards he got, or what special classes he was asked to join. He had an IQ of 143 when they tested him in 7th grade."

"Wow...that's awful. How could someone favor one child over another? Finn's not even my kid, but I love him just as much."

Kurt shook his head. "I don't know...guess no one really will until Blaine talks a little more. All he told Dr. Joseph the other day was about his dad hitting him, Laura dying and getting picked on at school. Kathy said there is a lot more to dig through, but he's starting to improve."

"That Kathy lady...I like her."

Kurt smiled. "I like her, too. She calls just about every night, just to check on me."

Carol popped her head into the door.

"Dinner's ready, boys," she smiled. Burt and Kurt stood up and headed to the bedroom door. Carol gathered Kurt in a sweet hug.

"You've been so brave," she whispered to him.

"Thanks, Mom," he leaned back. Carol looked pleasantly surprised.

"What is it?" Kurt asked, looking like he may have said something wrong.

"Nothing...you called me Mom."

Kurt didn't seem to realize it, but he didn't look upset with it. "Well...you are now. I guess after all this craziness and all that you've done for me...I guess I figured you deserved it. Thank you."

Carol sniffed and hugged him again, this time holding him tight. "You're welcome, sweetie."

Kurt kissed her cheek and they walked down the stairs, potatoes and roast beef greeting them at the table.

* * *

><p>Blaine sat on the edge of his bed that evening, drawing patterns with his toe on the cold tile floor. He was waiting on Kathy to do her final round for the evening and felt quite at ease.<p>

"Hey, cutie," Kathy greeted him with a smile, which he returned warmly.

"I'm heading home, but I picked something up for you at the book store down the street." She reached into her purse and pulled out a small, thick book and handed it to Blaine.

"It's just the general stuff- Wordsworth, Keats, Whitman- but I didn't know what specific poets you liked."

Blaine smiled and opened the book, savoring the smell of the fresh paper. "Thank you, Kathy. It's perfect. You shouldn't have."

Kathy patted his shoulder. "It was nothing, Blaine. Kurt told me the sweetest story that he told Dr. Joseph about how you used to read to him. I figured that since you're here with no one to really talk to, maybe you could read to pass the time."

Blaine closed the book and stood carefully. "Is it ok if I give you a hug?"

Kathy laughed and hugged him gently, careful to avoid to still healing stitches on his chest. "I'll see you tomorrow, Blaine. Next time I do, Kurt will be here."

Blaine smiled widely. "I almost forgot- damn, I look horrible!" Blaine caught his reflection in the mirror.

Kathy laughed. "How about this- tomorrow, if you're willing to get up about seven, I'll get one of the nurses to give you a shave and haircut."

"You do too much for me," Blaine turned back around. "That would be great."

"I'll get here early and send someone down here," Kathy turned to leave, but not before leaning back into the door. "I'm very proud of you, Blaine. I know you think I do too much for you, but you and Kurt have a special place in my heart. You've been very brave and he has, too. Just keep on trying, ok?"

Blaine nodded and smiled warmly before watching her walk away down the hall. Blaine lay back on his bed and opened his new book, starting with the very first work.

_I wandered lonely as a Cloud_  
><em>That floats on high o'er Vales and Hills,<em>  
><em>When all at once I saw a crowd <em>  
><em>A host of dancing Daffodils;<em>  
><em>Along the Lake, beneath the trees,<em>  
><em>Ten thousand dancing in the breeze.<em>

* * *

><p>The alarm on Kurt's phone went off, but the boy the wake up call was intended for had been up for the past hour, getting ready for the day. Kurt finished his moisturizing routine as the sound went off and quickly turned it off, not wanting to waste a moment. At 7, he was finally ready and doing a final check in the mirror when his dad came dragging into the bedroom.<p>

"Let's go, kiddo," Burt yawned.

"Coming!" Kurt put down his comb and skipped into the bedroom.

"Oh, damn, I forget you're a morning person," Burt groaned and leaned against the door frame.

"I forgot you're a grumpy old man in the morning," Kurt stuck his tongue out, making Burt laugh sleepily.

"Come on, we're gonna be late," Burt headed down the stairs. Kurt did a final check in the mirror then walked over to pick up the picture he propped up on his lamp, giving it a long look before placing it in his pocket and heading down the stairs.

The trip was quiet but comfortable as Kurt sipped his coffee. They arrived at St. Patrick's with two minutes to spare and went to sign in.

"Kurt! Wow, that's a change," Kathy giggled, pulling playfully at the stubble on Kurt's chin. "I think you'll be pleasantly surprised when you see Blaine today, but first, you have an appointment.

Kurt groaned, but nodded. Kathy lead him and Burt to the doctor's office, where he was skimming his eyes over a file baring Blaine's name.

"Oh, Kurt, come in," he smiled, motioning for him to sit across from him. "Tell me how you've been this week."

"Great. The Prozac really helped, but I think it was the excitement of seeing Blaine again."

Dr. Joseph smiled. "He's very excited to see you, too. I spoke to him yesterday, actually. I feel very good about his case now."

Kurt smiled and nodded.

"Now, have you had any negative feelings since you started your medicine?"

"Not really. I've been paying more attention in class, I'm eating better, my impeccable fashion sense has come back," Kurt indicated his body, "but I think I've started noticing things about other people that I didn't before."

"Like what?"

"People's reactions to me still being with Blaine. My principal seemed pretty cold to me when I came back Friday. My friends in glee club have sort of shut down when Blaine's mentioned, but I guess that's to be expected after last weekend."

Dr. Joseph nodded. "I won't say that there won't be social consequences to what Blaine did, but just keep him strong- help him realize that it doesn't make him a monster. He's still having a little trouble with that himself."

Kurt nodded. "I'm not sure if I'm supposed to ask, but have you guys made any more progress with him?"

"About the same as the day he left confinement. There's still a lot he isn't telling us, but getting him to talk was a start. We finally got into contact with family friends an teachers and a couple of his old friends from Dalton so they could fill in some blanks. Most of his teachers and friends didn't even know about Laura."

"Neither did I," Kurt looked down. He was still a little sad that Blaine hadn't told him, but apparently he wasn't the only one in the dark.

"I'm sure he had his reasons at the time, but now it's crucial that he share it. All he told me was that she was killed in an automobile accident."

Kurt nodded.

"Is there anything else you would like to talk about?"

Kurt thought for a minute, the asked, "When this is over- the hospital stay and stuff- what's it going to be like?"

Dr. Joseph just sighed. "I believe he will have to continue seeing a therapist to adjust to fitting back into society and he'll have to continue his anti-psychotic medications, but he should be able to lead a normal life. I know that's what you were hoping for."

Kurt smiled weakly and nodded. "I just want him happy."

Dr. Joseph smiled. "So do I, son. If there's nothing else, I believe you have someone to visit."

Kurt's smile broadened and Dr. Joseph said his goodbyes to Kurt and Burt before the men walked out. Kathy was speaking with Andy the security guard outside Blaine's door when they approached.

"You ready?" Kathy asked, placing a hand on Kurt's shoulder.

"Yeah," he nodded. Kathy knocked before opening the door slowly.

"Blaine? Someone's here to see you."

Kurt gasped softly. Blaine's hair had been trimmed and his beard was completely gone. He sat on his bed pouring over a book. Blaine looked up and met Kurt's eyes. It took all of Kurt's willpower not to just run in and gather Blaine into his arms. A warm smile spread across Blaine's face and Kurt was vaguely reminded of the first day they met.

"Door stays open, ok?" Kathy reminded him. Kurt nodded in a daze. When Kathy patted his shoulder and walked out, Blaine stood slowly from the bed.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi," Kurt returned, stepping further into the room. "You shaved."

Blaine rubbed his face out of instinct, "Yeah, the doctor did it for me. You haven't shaved," he joked.

Kurt laughed, his throat thick with a small lump. "I went for a while there where I didn't really care...Mercedes wouldn't let me get rid of it."

"I really like it." Blaine's eyes softened and he approached Kurt, taking his hands gently. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be...I understood. It just hurt."

"I never meant to do that. I never want to hurt you." Blaine's hazel eyes shined before he glanced down at their hands.

"You won't."

Blaine gazed back up at him, his eyes saying that he finally believed what Kurt said. Kurt smiled at him before wiping a stray tear off Blaine's cheek with his thumb. "I know you probably don't want to talk about it-"

"You wanna know about Laura," Blaine finished. Kurt swallowed.

"If you don't think you can right now, Blaine, it's ok."

Blaine smiled and led him over to the bed, sitting next to him with their hands still together. Kurt wouldn't have cared if they were glued.

"I was two when she was born, so I don't really remember it, but the first memory I have is lying on my back, staring up at her ceiling. It had little princess crowns and stars painted on it. She was next to me making little baby noises. I loved just laying in there listening to her mobile and listening to her make noises." Blaine smiled at the memory.

"She was my best friend. I started kindergarten and no one really liked me because they said I was too smart. At five, I could carry on a conversation with my parent's friends better than my classmates. Laura never really cared, though. She didn't make fun of me. She just gave me a funny look and smiled at me and said I was weird."

Kurt giggled.

"We used to run around in the back yard, climbing trees, playing castle, playing in the mud, stuff like that. I knew even back then that Mom and Dad liked her better than me. She could get just as muddy, just as dirty as me, but I was always the one in trouble. I didn't really care at the time. I just had fun with her."

Blaine's smiling eyes turned soft once more.

"One afternoon, we went to a birthday party with one of my friends at school. Laura wasn't supposed to go, but I convinced Mom and Dad to let her. My friend's mom was taking us home. This Safeway truck hit a patch of ice and started sliding sideways. I remember grabbing Laura's little hand and closing my eyes. The next thing I know we're rolling down an embankment and into a pine forest off the interstate. I finally opened my eyes because my arm was hurting so bad. Trevor and Mrs. Riley were unconscious and I looked over-"

Blaine's eyes went blank again, his mind racing with memories. He got control of himself, shaking his head and blinking, tears falling down his face.

"I looked over at Laura to see if she needed help...her seat belt had broken and she was against the window...th-there was a limb through her chest."

Kurt bit back the urge to sob. Blaine swallowed hard.

"I kept saying her name because her eyes were open. I thought she was gonna be ok because her eyes were still open...but she never answered me. My arm was pinned under the branch so I pulled it out. It was all twisted and it hurt. I finally kicked the window out and crawled up the hill. The driver of the eighteen wheeler had stumbled out of his truck and ran over to me, making sure I was ok, but I couldn't even begin to tell him about the others...about Laura."

Blaine fisted his hair, fighting back the delusions in his head. Kurt rested a hand on Blaine's, "You can stop if you want to."

Blaine took a couple of deep breaths. "No...it's ok. It's just hard."

Kurt sniffed and rested his forehead against Blaine's. "I'm so proud of you, Blaine."

"Why...I couldn't save her. Every day after that, my parents would remind me that if I hadn't begged that Laura go with me, then she'd still be alive. Like if I had acted faster, I could have saved her..."

"No, baby, don't," Kurt hugged Blaine close as he cried into Kurt's shoulder. "It was an accident. They happen every day and no one can stop that. You were only eight, Blaine, and you were hurt."

"That didn't matter to them," Blaine sniffed. "I always told you that my parents hated me, Kurt...I wasn't lying or exaggerating...everyone knew it. When I saw Laura in my head, though...she said that they were ok with it now...I like to believe that's true."

Kurt stroked Blaine's soft curls. "Maybe they are, baby."

Blaine nodded and sat up, wiping his eyes and giving Kurt a smile. "Thank you."

"Anytime, sweetie. If you need to talk about anything, you can always come to me. I'm not gonna judge you. I love you."

"I love you, too, Kurt," Blaine smiled, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to Kurt's lips, sending tingles down Kurt's body to his fingers and toes. Kurt smiled against it.

"I missed you so much."

"I think I did too...I'm sorry I pushed you away."

"I know..." Kurt whispered. Blaine cupped his cheek.

"Never again," he looked into Kurt's eyes, projecting his sincerity.

Kurt nodded and kissed him again, not much harder, but with more passion. Blaine swiped his thumb across Kurt's soft cheek before letting him go.

"So when I walked it you were reading. What was it?"

"Oh, yeah," Blaine scooted back against the wall and took the book off his bedside table. "It's something Kathy gave to me last night. It's a book of poetry."

Kurt smiled. "Remember when you used to read to me?"

"Yeah, and you would always groan when I would try and read you Sylvia Plath?" Blaine laughed.

"She's so depressing," Kurt grumbled.

"Well, she did commit suicide via gas oven," Blaine shrugged. "I was always more partial to Tennyson anyway."

Kurt remembered those days- the warmth of the sun shining through Blaine's large window at Dalton, the soft melodic voice of his crush reading the beautiful words on the pages, the way Blaine's eyes would light up when he read a particular line that he loved.

"Blaine?"

"Yeah?" Blaine looked up.

"Would you...read to me? Like you used to?"

Blaine's eyes shined and he smiled. "Of course. Come here."

Kurt scooted up the bed and Blaine pulled him against his chest, Kurt's back taking in the heat of Blaine's body- just like the sun through the window. Kurt sighed in contentment.

Blaine flipped around in the book before he finally found what he was looking for.

_O my Luve's like a red, red rose  
>That's newly sprung in June;<em>  
><em>O my Luve's like the melodie<br>That's sweetly played in tune._

_As fair art thou, my bonnie lass,_  
><em>So deep in luve am I;<em>  
><em>And I will luve thee still, my dear,<em>  
><em>Till a' the seas gang dry<em>

Blaine's arm tightened around Kurt's chest, pulling him closer to him. Kurt laced in fingers in Blaine's as he took in the soft, melodic voice of his lover.

After finishing Burns, Dickinson, and halfway through 'Fire and Ice' by Robert Frost, Blaine felt Kurt's breathing settle and slow. He looked up from the book to see Kurt fast asleep against him his head buried in Blaine's neck and his soft breath against it. Blaine smiled and slowly placed to book back onto the bedside table. He brushed Kurt's hair back, watching his lashes flutter in his sleep against his cheeks. Blaine kissed his forehead softly before whispering his favorite line of Burns' against it.

"'And I will luve thee still, my dear, Till a' the seas gang dry'."

* * *

><p><strong>OMG i have to go eat something super salty now after all that fluffy sweetness :P lol. Soon, we will learn a little more about Blaine's school life, his treatment by his parents, and see a few slip-ups from Blaine.<strong>


	11. Going Back To Westerville

**hey, yo.**

* * *

><p>Kurt was roused a while later by Burt, who had been in town looking for an anniversary gift for Carole.<p>

"Hey, kiddo, you just gonna sleep the whole time?"

Kurt sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes. "Where's Blaine?"

"He's in the bathroom. You two have been asleep about two hours from what Kathy said. I just came back to check in."

At that moment, Blaine walked back into the room. "Welcome back, lovely," he said in a sing-song voice, his smile beaming like the sun. "I didn't even get to finish Frost before you passed out on me."

Kurt threw him a playful glare. "You know I find Frost boring anyway."

"Would you rather me read Plath?" Blaine quirked an eyebrow.

"Ugh, no," Kurt shook his head. Burt watched the exchange between the boys with a questioning look.

"Blaine was reading me poetry, Dad," Kurt laughed at his expression.

"Ah, ok...I had know clue what was going on," Burt shook his head. He stood up and patted Kurt's knee. "Guess I'll head back out."

"Actually, Mr. Hummel, I was hoping I could talk to you about something," Blaine said somewhat nervously.

Burt glanced over at Kurt. "Ok...sure."

"Kurt, do you mind waiting outside? Kathy should be around the corner," Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand. Kurt smiled and nodded before kissing Blaine's temple and walking out the open door. Blaine could smell the anxiety on Burt Hummel as he sat down slowly in the chair next to Blaine's bed.

"Sir...just be straight with me- do I make you nervous?"

Burt gave him a questioning look. "What?"

"For the past two and a half months, I've grown accustomed to the way people act around me now," Blaine rested his elbows on his knees, folding his hands in front of him. "I can tell that you are nervous around me. I just want you to know that I won't hurt anyone else."

Burt sighed and rubbed his forehead under the bill of his cap. "I'm sorry, kid..."

"Don't be," Blaine gave a small smile. "As I've said, I've grown to understand people's reservations. Sir...I just wanted to clear the air with you and I guess... thanks for taking care of Kurt after what I did."

Burt nodded. "No problem. Just curious...why did you do it?"

"I don't remember...that's what freaks me out the most," Blaine blinked a couple of times. "I remember...well...what did Kurt tell you?" he blushed.

Burt scoffed. "Everything."

Blaine gave a small smile. "Well...the last thing I remember fully was him grabbing my hands and pushing me back against the wall...after that, all I can see is my dad...he used to get so angry with me because I grew cold to his insults and just insulted him back...on one particular night, the one I remembered, he slammed me back against the wall in the den and just let me have it...told me I couldn't be gay in the house and that he didn't wanna hear about it...stuff like that. He would only hit me when he was really pissed and when Mom wasn't watching." Blaine's fingers started tapping.

Burt wore a look of shock. "I just can't believe anyone would do that to their son..."

"I was more of a liability...It's funny, though...he made such a big spectacle about me not being gay under his roof, but Kurt would sneak over so many times and they never knew. We haven't done anything, sir," Blaine held his hands up in surrender, "He would just come over and sit with me...it got to the point where I started hurting myself. If I wanted to or did, he would be over in no time. I hope I'm not getting him in trouble or anything, but he insisted on being there with me. He'd clean me up or hold me or sing to me...I would have been dead months ago if it hadn't been for Kurt."

Burt sniffed, unshed tears in his eyes. Blaine cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry I just sort of laid all this on you, but I just get the feeling that you should be informed as well. I mean, you let Kurt come over all the time and you should know what he's dealing with. I'd hate to just leave you in the dark."

Burt's respect for the dark-haired boy escalated with each word. "Thank you, Blaine."

Blaine smiled and grabbed his own tapping fingers. "Feeling any better about me?"

Burt laughed. "Yeah...I was weary at first, but you really do seem to be better off than the last time I saw you."

"I'm trying, sir. I love Kurt too much to let him down."

Blaine scratched at the back of his neck, his face grimacing in pain.

"Something wrong?" Burt asked.

"I don't know...I feel like something's biting me," he scratched harder.

"Um...well, I don't see anything," Burt looked at the back of his neck, seeing only the nail marks he was leaving behind.

"God, that hurts," Blaine hissed.

"Um...ok, do I need to get Kathy?"

Blaine shook his head quickly, standing up and pacing the room. "It's not real, it's not real," Blaine chanted under his breath. Burt watched him in fascination as he tried to talk himself down.

Burt began to see blood on Blaine's fingers as he scratched. "Blaine...come on, you're bleeding," he stood up slowly, but Blaine didn't let up, his voice becoming a bit frantic as he continued to tell himself it wasn't real. Burt had no clue what to do but sit back and watch. Blaine's fingers began tapping against his thigh as he continued to pace and scratch.

"Blaine, let me go get someone."

"No one can touch me!" Blaine shouted and tried to stop scratching, but if he took his hand away, his pained expression only intensified. He growled in frustration and fisted his hair with his free hand.

"Questo non vero, Questo non vero," he mumbled, his eyes closed tight and tears of pain falling down his cheeks. Burt backed out of the room and called down the hall for Kathy and Kurt. They came running in and saw Blaine reciting his calming phrase in Italian.

"What happened?" Kathy asked calmly.

"I don't know, he said it felt like something was biting him. He's scratching so hard he's bleeding," he told her. Kathy moved toward Blaine slowly.

"Blaine, sweetie, look at me."

"Non," he groaned. "Questo non vero."

"Blaine...come on, Kurt's here. Nothing's biting you and you know that. You're hurting yourself."

Kurt spoke up. "Blaine? Sweetie, calm down, ok?"

Blaine relaxed only slightly, stilling his tapping fingers, but still scratching at the now raw, bloody spot on his neck. Kurt moved forward slowly.

"I'm gonna take your hand now, ok?" Kurt said as soothingly as he could. Blaine didn't protest, so Kurt took Blaine's hand carefully and rubbed circles on the back of it with his thumb.

"Come on, baby, stop scratching. There's nothing there. It's in your head. You know that, right?"

Blaine nodded fervently, still scratching.

"Ok...now just stop. Just make yourself stop."

Blaine sniffed and stilled his scratching slowly. He let his hand drop to his side, blood covering his fingernails and dripping down the back of his neck. He didn't open his eyes.

"Blaine, look at me. You're doing good," Kurt took Blaine's hand and placed it to his cheek. "I'm right here, baby, look at me."

Blaine opened his eyes, his chest heaving and looked straight into Kurt's eyes. Kurt smiled at him and kissed his wrist.

"You ok?"

Blaine nodded slowly, his face still holding signs of pain.

"Let Kathy clean you up and we'll read some more- I saw Annabelle Lee in the table of contents," Kurt grinned, making Blaine's tight lipped grimace melt into a small smile. Kurt kissed the corner of his mouth gently. Kathy moved him to the bed and sat him down to begin patching up his neck. He had scratched so hard, he had actually removed the skin from part of it.

After they cleaned him up, he was still a little anxious, so Kurt sat on the chair instead of the bed, giving him space, and Burt headed back to town. Kurt took the book off Blaine's bedside table and flipped over to one of Blaine's favorite poems- Anabelle Lee.

As he started to read, he felt Blaine's hand in his relax slowly as he read the words of Poe- Kurt always found him to be a little morose, but Blaine adored him. Blaine watched Kurt intently as he read, studying the way his eyes traced the lines he read. Kurt's eyes were one of his favorite things about him and he felt like he could lose himself in them for hours. Kurt finally finished and looked up at Blaine, whose eyes were now dry and full of warmth.

"You ok?"

Blaine nodded and leaned forward to press a kiss to Kurt's lips. "Thank you."

Kurt smiled. "Always, baby."

They continued to read a little more then Blaine pulled Kurt into the bed with him and wrapped his arms around Kurt's chest. They sat and talked about school for a while when Kurt heard Blaine go quiet.

"What's wrong, sweetie?"

"Kurt...would you do something for me?"

"Sure."

Blaine turned him around and took his hands. "I know it'll be tough to go back...I wouldn't do it if you paid me...but would you mind maybe going to my old house and getting some things for me?"

Kurt's heart started thudding against his chest. "Blaine..."

"I know, baby, but there's something I was really wanting and I refuse to go inside."

Kurt swallowed hard then nodded.

"Thank you so much, baby, and I'm sorry I have to ask you," Blaine cupped his cheek, "but I can't go back in there."

"I know, sweetie. What all do you need?"

"Just a few clothes and my guitar. There's a photo album at my desk- it's huge, so you can't miss it- and in Laura's old room," he paused, his throat choking up momentarily. "In Laura's room, there's a stuffed bear on her bed. It was her favorite and I don't want Grandma and Grandpa to throw it out."

Kurt smiled and nodded. Burt walked in, knocking on the door frame. "I'm sorry, kid, but we gotta go."

Kurt nodded and turned to Blaine. "I'll come back soon, I promise."

Blaine nodded. "Thank you, sweetie. I'll never push you away again. I missed you so much."

Kurt leaned forward and kissed Blaine gently. "Goodbye, sweetie. I love you."

"I love you, too," Blaine gave a small smile and kissed Kurt's forehead. Kurt followed Burt out after throwing Blaine a final smile and a wave, which Blaine returned.

Kurt walked out to the car, content and smiling at nothing.

"He's a good kid," Burt said. "I can't wait until he's out of there."

"Me too," Kurt said. "Dad...I have to do something in Westerville. Is that ok?"

Burt looked wary. "What do you have to do?"

"Blaine needs some things from his house," Kurt's voice shook a little.

Burt sighed. "You're not going alone."

Kurt nodded. "Can we go by there?"

Burt nodded. "Sure."

* * *

><p>Kurt and Burt sat in the driveway of the Anderson house, the police tape now gone and the house looking as inviting is it always did, never mind the horrible events that took place there. Kurt took a deep breath.<p>

"Kurt, we don't have to do this today."

"No...I wanna get this over with," Kurt shook his head and stepped out of the car. He and Burt slowly walked up the cement walkway and up the three steps to the cherry wood door. The door was unlocked and they walked in cautiously.

The house was undisturbed except for the mess had been cleaned up- no blood or bodies on the floor. Kurt didn't linger and headed up the stairs toward Blaine's room. He never usually took this way, settling for climbing the lattice work under Blaine's window, but the door with the wooden plaque that said 'Blaine' indicated he had found it.

Blaine's room was as messy as the last time he saw it- clothes scattered across the floor, his black guitar lying on the bed, his school books spread out across his large work desk and his closet door hanging open. Kurt walked over to the closet and took out a suitcase and began emptying Blaine's sparse closet into it.

"Wow...this looks like Finn's room," Burt appeared at the door.

"At least it smells better," Kurt quipped and moved over to get Blaine's guitar case and place the guitar carefully into it.

"I'll take these out to the car, ok?" Burt lifted the suitcase and guitar. "Is there anything else?"

"Just a couple of things, but I can get those. You can come back in if you want. I just kind of wanna sit here for a second. It's kind of too much."

Burt nodded and gave Kurt a sympathetic look before turning and heading back downstairs. Kurt looked over at the desk and saw the photo album Blaine mentioned. Kurt pulled it out of the shelf and held it in two hands- it was very thick and heavy. Kurt sat back on Blaine's bed and opened it slowly.

The first photo he saw was a little boy with a thick head of curly hair- two years old if the candle was any indication- standing next to a large birthday cake with a bright smile on his face. Kurt laughed out loud at the little boy. Blaine had written in the margins._ '2nd birthday- Grandma's- Mom pregnant with Laura'_. Kurt flipped to the next page to see the same little boy sitting on a hospital couch next to an older woman with a small, pink bundle in his arms, looking down at the little baby. _'April 11th, 1997- I got a little sister and a best friend :)'._

He made his way slowly through the album, taking in pictures of a beautiful little girl with Blaine's brown eyes and hair, covered in spaghetti, sitting in the bathtub with her brother, Blaine holding her piggyback. There was a picture of Blaine a little older sitting on a couch watching TV with the little girl, who was giggling. His leg was in a cast and propped up on the arm of the couch._ 'Home from the hospital- tried to fly. Newton was right'._

Kurt laughed out loud and rolled his eyes. Blaine would try and find logic in flying. The next page bore two newspaper articles- a news story and an obituary.

_'Three injured, one dead, in traffic accident on I-55'_

The picture was of a blue sedan lying upside down in an embankment, medics crowded around it. Kurt bit back tears as he read the article.

_'A traffic accident claimed the life of Laura Anderson, age 6, on Saturday afternoon. The other three passengers- her brother, Blaine, age 8, Trevor Riley,_  
><em>age 8, and Kathryn Riley, age 30, were rushed to the hospital via ambulance and were treated for their injuries. There is no news as to the extent except that Blaine Anderson sustained deep scratches, bruising and a broken arm. The four were driving southbound to Westerville when an 18-wheeler hit a patch of ice and skidded out of control, hitting the sedan head on and pushing it off the road. Laura Anderson was pronounced dead at the scene.'<em>

Kurt couldn't finish. He could only imagine Blaine cutting out this article and placing it carefully inside the plastic covering in tears. The obituary held a picture of a beautiful little girl- a female version of Blaine- wearing a pink polo shirt and her hair falling in ringlets around her shoulders. She and Blaine had the exact same smile- warm, bright and full of life.

_'Laura Michelle Anderson, 8, from Westerville, Ohio, died Saturday, May 16th, in a motor vehicle accident. She is survived by her Mother and Father, Margret and Carson Anderson, and older brother, Blaine Anderson. Funeral proceedings will take place at Sacred Heart Cathedral in Westerville. All friends and family are invited to attend.'_

Kurt wiped his eyes and looked at the photo beneath it. There were the three remaining Andersons- Blaine, Carson, and Maggie- walking out of the church, Carson's hand on Blaine's shoulder, gripping a little too tightly for Kurt's liking. Blaine's beautiful brown eyes were filled with tears and he looked as if he hadn't stopped crying for days. Maggie was clutching her chest, but trying to look strong. Kurt shut the album and covered his face with his hands, his heart aching for Blaine. Actually seeing the little girl and reading about it made it all the more real for him. Kurt felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Burt standing next to him.

"You ok?"

"Yeah...just looking at this album he wanted. Laura's in there."

Burt squeezed his shoulder gently. "It's ok, kid. She's ok now."

Kurt nodded and picked up the album. "I have to get one more thing- it's in her room."

"I passed it on the way back up," Burt led him out, giving the room one last lingering look before walking out. They crossed the hall to see another plaque- a beautiful pink one- at read 'Laura' in silver cursive. Kurt took a breath and opened the door. The room was very bright pink. The sheer white curtains were parted and a window seat sat beneath it. Her bed had been made and a crown shaped pillow labeled 'Princess' sat in the middle of it.

"Wow, this kid liked princesses, I guess."

"No...Blaine told me why...it's kind of not something I want to get into, though," Kurt sighed. There were pictures in frames all over her dresser. Kurt looked at them- they were all of her and Blaine. The biggest one was of them sitting on a white fence, legs dangling and fingers laced together. Laura had her little head resting on Blaine's shoulder. The frame was iron with little bedazzle gems all over it and read 'Best Friends' across the top. This little girl worshiped Blaine and never knew that she was the only one in the house who seemed to care about him.

"You came in here for something, didn't you?"

Kurt's mind came back and he nodded. He looked around the bed and found it- a small, soft, sleep-worn bear with light brown hair and a pink bowtie. Kurt smiled and picked it up. "This must be it."

Burt looked confused.

"It was Laura's favorite. Blaine didn't want his grandmother to come in and get rid of it when they came to clean out the house, so he asked me to get it." Kurt looked back over at the photos and walked back over to get the large photo in the friends frame and tucked it against his chest with the bear.

"Let's go," Kurt's voice quivered and Burt nodded and led Kurt out of the house. They headed back through the foyer when Burt stopped.

"This is where it happened, isn't it?" he asked, looking around at the floor and the wall along the staircase.

"Yeah..."

Burt swallowed and sighed. "Let's just get out of here."

They finally got home and carried Blaine's stuff up to his room. He put the photo and album inside his suitcase with the rest of his stuff and placed the bear on top of the suitcase. He took Blaine's guitar carefully out of the case and looked it over. Blaine was a little OCD about his guitar. He constantly polished the wood along the neck and the frets, changed the strings probably more often than necessary, and tuned it once a day to make sure. Kurt plucked one of the strings and listened to the sound of the vibrations against the body, the low, deep sound of the top string.

_"Blaine, I've never even held a guitar before. What if I break it?"_

_"Then this relationship isn't going to work," Blaine winked, kneeling down in front of Kurt and placing his fingers in a G chord. "Ok, strum down on all six strings."_

_Kurt dragged the pick gently over the strings, making a beautiful, but muffled, sound._

_"Ok, fingertips, sweetie. You're muting the third string with your finger." Blaine adjusted them again, lifting Kurt's index finger slightly._

_"Ok, try it now."_

_Kurt did it again, this time the sound was perfect._

_"You're a natural," Blaine smiled, his eyes meeting Kurt's. Kurt blushed and giggled._

_"I have a good teacher."_

Kurt propped the guitar up on his knee and took the pick out of the small compartment in the back of the case. He placed his fingers and strummed the chord before repositioning and and trying again, the sound getting stronger. Kurt suddenly got an idea. He walked over to his computer and typed in a song that he had in his head for a long time- one that reminded him of the very situation he and Blaine were in- and found guitar chords for it. Hopefully, Blaine wouldn't kill him for playing his guitar, because he had a plan and he hoped it would work.

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><p><strong>Ok, so the things Kurt brings Blaine next chapter will bring a little more of Blaine's abuse into play. Oh yeah...Kurt playing guitar is sort of my new favorite concept...yum. lol<strong>


	12. You Love Me, Right?

**Ok, I realized in last chapter something hilarious- they wrecked on may 16th...on a patch of ice! WHAT! haha ok, so I'll correct myself and say he hit water and hydroplaned...ok? ok. Also...OC coming at you now! He will actually come later, but will be introduced here. MAJOR cliffhanger, but don't worry, Chapter 13 is coming probably by the end of the day. pissedoff!Kurt coming at you.**

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><p>Kurt was quite surprised with himself. He practiced the song each day after school for a couple of hours before it finally sounded flawless. When Wednesday rolled around, he was grinning from ear to ear. He called Kathy to make sure it was ok to bring the album, photo, bear and guitar and she allowed it.<p>

Kurt drove himself to Columbus the next morning, feeling giddy with excitement. He knew he would have to see Dr. Joseph first, but he didn't really have much to talk about today, so he hoped it wouldn't take long.

"Kurt, a pleasure as always," Dr. Joseph watched him set down the guitar case and bag before shaking his hand. "How have you been?"

"Great, actually."

"That's wonderful," Dr. Joseph smiled. "I was hoping I could pick your brain about something," he shuffled through his filing cabinet and pulled out Blaine's file. He flipped to the page he was looking for.

"Kurt, would you happen to know a boy named Ryan?"

Kurt though for a moment, then shook his head. "Should I?"

"Well, Blaine had another rough night last night and they brought him to me and he mentioned Ryan. Only he could tell you the details of the session, but he was pretty distraught."

Kurt furrowed his eyebrows. Blaine had never mentioned him before. Kurt wondered why and hoped a little interrogation wouldn't lead to another attack.

"I'll try and find out if I can."

"Don't push him. It's a very sore subject," Dr. Joseph warned. Kurt nodded.

"Well, if you have nothing to discuss, I'm sure you're ready to see Blaine. You came prepared today," Dr. Joseph chuckled.

"It's just a few things he wanted from home and I have a surprise for him," Kurt smiled.

"I'm sure he'll love it," Dr. Joseph stood. "You can go now."

Kurt nodded to him and lifted the bag onto his shoulder and picked up the guitar case. He headed to Blaine's room and noticed the door was shut. He peeked into the window to see Blaine sitting on his bed, looking out the window. Kurt couldn't help but stare as the sunlight caught his beautiful face. He knocked and Blaine looked over and smiled softly before getting up to let him in.

"Hi, baby," Kurt smiled and kissed his cheek before Blaine moved to the side to let him in.

"What's all this?" he asked.

"The stuff you wanted me to bring. I left the clothes behind because I know you don't need them, but they're at my house," Kurt set down the guitar case and leaned down to open the bag. "I brought something else, too. I just couldn't leave it there because it was too adorable." He pulled out the framed photo of Blaine and Laura and handed it to him.

Blaine smiled and laughed. "I remember this- She knew I hated getting my picture taken, but she wanted to so bad. We were trying to walk along the fence like tight-rope walkers and Trevor's mom was taking pictures. Mom got her the frame for her birthday and she said she wanted a new picture of us to put in it."

Kurt smiled at Blaine's eyes lighting up with the memory. "Her room was a shrine to you. She basically worshiped you."

Blaine smiled and set the photo on his bedside table, angling it to face his bed.

"Oh, before we do anything else, I have another surprise. I hope you don't get mad."

"Why would I?"

"Well...I played your guitar."

Blaine smiled. "I don't mind, baby, as long as it's still in one piece."

"It is. I'm not that hard of a player," Kurt chuckled before leaning down and pulling the guitar out of the case. "Have a seat, sir."

Blaine laughed and sat criss-crossed on his bed. Kurt sat in the chair beside the bed and took the pick between his fingers.

"It may be rough, but hell, I tried," Kurt placed his fingers and started to strum the song. Blaine recognized it immediately and smiled.

_Saying "I love you"_  
><em>Is not the words I want to hear from you<em>  
><em>It's not that I want you <em>  
><em>Not to say, but if you only knew how easy <em>  
><em>It would be to show me how you feel<em>

_More than words _  
><em>Is all you have to do to make it real <em>  
><em>Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me <em>  
><em>'Cause I'd already know<em>

Kurt's voice was different with this song. It was a little lower register and a little rough, which Blaine absolutely loved. It was strange seeing Kurt play and sing, but Blaine listened to the words intently. He could watch him do this all day.

_What would you do if my heart was torn in two _  
><em>More than words to show you feel <em>  
><em>That your love for me is real<em>

_What would you say if I took those words away _  
><em>Then you couldn't make things new <em>  
><em>Just by saying "I love you"<em>

_More than words_

Kurt glanced up at Blaine to see a warm smile and unshed tears in his eyes, love pouring from them. Kurt's heart twisted slightly and a smile grazed his face too.

_Now but I've tried to talk to you _  
><em>And make you understand <em>  
><em>All you have to do is close your eyes <em>  
><em>And just reach out your hands <em>  
><em>And touch me <em>  
><em>Hold me close, don't ever let me go<em>

_More than words _  
><em>Is all I ever needed you to show <em>  
><em>Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me <em>  
><em>Cause I'd already know<em>

Blaine sniffed and wiped his eyes. Kurt was getting into playing and singing, his body relaxing and his eyes closed. Blaine missed playing so badly, but seeing Kurt feel the way he did when he played seemed to relax him just as much. Kurt's falsetto kicked in and made Blaine shiver.

_What would you do if my heart was torn in two _  
><em>More than words to show you feel <em>  
><em>That your love for me is real<em>

_What would you say if I took those words away _  
><em>When you couldn't make things new <em>  
><em>Just by saying "I love you"<em>

_More than words_

Kurt finished the song and looked up at Blaine. "So...was that ok?"

Blaine leaned forward to cup his cheek and kiss him passionatly. Kurt's hand gripped the neck of the guitar at the suddeness of the kiss, but moaned softly in appreciation before kissing back. Blaine's thumb caressed his cheek bone before he let go and stared into Kurt's eyes, his own shining. "It was perfect, Kurt."

Kurt smiled brightly. "Thank you."

"No, thank you," Blaine kissed him gently again before letting Kurt hand him his guitar. It felt so right when he settled the body on his lap and placed his fingers on the strings and plucked out random notes. He felt a sense of normalcy from the action.

"God, I didn't know I could miss an inanimate object so much," Blaine laughed as he played.

"Play me something," Kurt drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. Blaine racked his brain for a moment, then nodded. He played the opening notes.

_One fine day _  
><em>You'll look at me<em>  
><em> And then you'll know our love was meant to be <em>  
><em>One fine day <em>  
><em>You're gonna want me for your girl<em>

Kurt laughed at the song choice, but decided it was so relatable to his time before they were dating- the longing, the hope that one day Blaine would look at him and see how much he wanted him. Blaine smiled, bobbing his head playfully to the song.

_The arms I long for _  
><em>Will open wide <em>  
><em>Then you'll be proud to have me right by your side <em>  
><em>One fine day <em>  
><em>You're gonna want me for your girl<em>

_Ooh, now I know you're kind of a boy _  
><em>Who only wants to run alone I'll keep waiting<em>  
><em> And some day, darling <em>  
><em>You'll come to me when you want to settle down<em>

_Oh, one fine day _  
><em>We'll meet once more <em>  
><em>And then you'll want the love you threw away before <em>  
><em>One fine day <em>  
><em>You're gonna want me for your girl<em>

Blaine wrapped it up and laughed with Kurt. "I always loved that song. It's one of my favorites to play."

"It was beautiful, as always," Kurt clapped his hands. Blaine blushed and put down the guitar. "Did you bring the album?"

"Yeah," Kurt dug through his bag and pulled out the thick book. "I hope it's ok that I skimmed through it. I just really wanted to see Laura."

Blaine smiled. "It's fine. I was gonna reminice anyway, if that's alright."

Kurt nodded and joined Blaine on the bed. They sat shoulder to shoulder against the wall. Blaine opened the book and saw the photo of him and baby Laura.

"That's my Grandma. She's kind of ok with the gay thing and absolutely hated my father. During the summer, I would go stay with her and Grandpa in California. They own a vineyard in Napa Valley."

Kurt smiled. "Wow, cute and rich, you're on a roll, Anderson."

Blaine laughed and bumped Kurt's shoulder. He flipped to the next page. This was a photo of a three year old Blaine and a one year old Laura sitting on the couch holding books.

"This was something I loved doing. I couldn't read yet, so I just made up what I thought the book was about by looking at the pictures. Grandma said I came up with some pretty outrageous things and Laura would just giggle and nod her head."

They continued to flip through the book, laughing as Blaine recalled fun memories of making mud pies, fingerpainting and going to the beach. Kurt saw him flip to the page of the accident and obituary. He stopped smiling and simply stared at the blue sedan buried among the woodline. Kurt slipped his hand into Blaine's, squeezing it for comfort.

"Trever and Mrs. Riley woke up a few days after this...Mrs. Riley commited suicide a couple of months later because of what happened to Laura. Trevor and his dad moved to Maryland and I never got to see him again."

Kurt rested his head on Blaine's shoulder as Blaine's eyes moved to the photo of his beauitufl little sister. His fingers ghosted over it, tears filling his eyes.

"I miss her so much sometimes. I just wonder what she would be like now...she was very calm about everything...funny, sweet, smart...but I can say that I'm glad she get out."

Kurt furrowed his brow. "Out of what?"

"Our sorry excuse for a family. She would never have know the difference back then, but I'm glad she didn't have to find out. When she died, my father blamed me. My mom went into a sort of trance for the next year, but when she finally got herself back together, she didn't try to defend me in any way. Dad loved to remind me that he wished it had been me," Blaine's lip quivered and a tear fell down his cheek.

"That's horrible and you know it, Blaine. It was an accident and nothing you could have done could have stopped it."

Blaine nodded. "I know that now. At the time, I kept saying over and over in my head, 'I am the one who demanded that she come to the party with us, so it's my fault that she's dead'. My father said it enough to really make me believe it. Seeing Laura last week put it all into perspective for me, though. I know it wasn't real, but I'm glad it happened."

Blaine flipped the page and his eyes landed on a picture he seemed to have forgotten. Kurt never flipped past the obituary when he looked, so he had never seen it before.

It was Blaine- 14 years old by the label in the margin- with his arm around the shoulder of a very attractive boy. He looked older than Blaine. The first person Kurt thought of was Taylor Lautner by studying his features. Kurt read the label: _14 yrs old. Me and Ryan at Sadie Hawkins dance._

"Blaine...who is Ryan?"

Blaine swallowed hard, his eyes never leaving the picture.

"Dr. Joseph told me about last night. Who is he?"

Blaine closed his eyes, his fingers tapping against the page. "H-he was my first boyfriend. He's not the guy I brought to the dance. The guy I brought actually took the picture. This was outside right before we got beat up."

"Blaine...just tell me," Kurt sat up and turned to face Blaine's side.

"That night...I left Derrick to go talk to Ryan. He was a senior and I was a freshman, so I was kind of surprised he would even give me the time of day. We started talking and he gave me his number and told me not to tell anyone. After we got beat up, he came and saw me in the hospital the day after. That night when I got home, he came over...we started kissing," Blaine closed his eyes, seemingly battling with the memory in his head.

"We can stop, sweetie, I'm sorry I asked," Kurt moved to shut the book, but Blaine stopped him.

"No...it's ok. My dad came upstairs and caught us. He threw Ryan out of the house and beat me- called me every horrible thing he could think of before he finished. Ryan didn't seem too bothered, so we snuck around for about three months...I started to fall in love with him."

Kurt's heart lurched.

"I don't feel that way anymore, Kurt," Blaine squeezed his hand comfortingly. "After what he did to me, I'll be happy to never see his face again, actually."

"W-what did he do?" Kurt asked, his heart returning to normal.

Blaine sighed and shook his head. "We were out at the lake in Westerville. It was pretty late, so no one was around and we started making out, grinding, the usual stuff we did...I told him that I thought I was starting to fall in love with him...and he said it back. I felt absolutely incredible. I hadn't heard those words from someone in so long it was like someone recharged my batteries or something. Unfortunately...he thought that meant that I wanted to have sex..."

Blaine pushed the album off his legs and drew his legs up to his chest, his hand still squeezing Kurt's. "He started touching me, which we hadn't done yet, but it felt so good...I wanted him to stop, but I couldn't really say it. When he started unbuttoning my jeans, I started to panic. I told him to stop but he hit me. He said 'You love me, right?' then just kept going. I tried to fight him off, Kurt, but I just couldn't-"

Blaine was hysterical by this point. He buried his head in his hands and sobbed into his knees. Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine and rocked him slowly, shushing into his ear.

"It's ok, Blaine. It's over now and you never have to worry about that. I would never ever do that to you."

Blaine nodded and continued to cry, but finished his story. "H-he left me there after I passed out. When I finally got home, my parents were so pissed because I was out all night...when I tried to talk to him again...he pretended like I wasn't there...I haven't spoken to him since."

Kurt's stomach coiled with anger. "That's so sick."

"I don't even care anymore, Kurt. I feel absolutely nothing toward him but shame. He's one of the reasons I asked to be moved to Dalton. I couldn't stand to look at him every day."

"I'm glad you did, baby. And I'm glad you told me that."

Blaine nodded. "I con't tell Dr. Joseph yet, though."

"Well, now it should be easier," Kurt kissed Blaine's curls and held his face in his hands. "You have no idea how proud of you I am, Blaine. You're getting beter every time I see you."

Blaine gave a watery smile. "I'm trying my best...for you."

The moment was interrupted by Kathy knocking at the doorjamb. "Kurt...could you come here for a moment?"

Kurt nodded and kissed Blaine's forehead. "Be right back, ok?"

Blaine nodded and wiped his eyes as Kurt stood up and walked out of the room with Kathy. A familiar face greeted him as he turned the corner and froze.

"Kurt...this is Ryan Jenkins. He says he'd like to speak with Blaine."

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><p><strong>WOAH! yeah, more to come. This Ryan guy is gonna make some trouble...cue Blaine freak out? Sure, why not?<strong>


	13. Lo Sono Niente I Am Nothing

**Oooo, I burned yall! lol Cliffhangers aren't usually my bag, but yeah, I had to. **

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><p>Anger boiled in Kurt's blood, his face heating up. He knew he was probably turning red, but he really didn't care enough to do anything about it. Ryan seemed to shrink a little under his glare and shuffled nervously.<p>

"Kurt? What's going on?" Kathy asked.

"You have some nerve, you know that?" Kurt's voice shook. He had never heard his own voice so angry, a growl in the undertones.

"So...he told you?" Ryan glanced up at him. Kurt charged Ryan and slammed him into the wall.

"Kurt!" Kathy cried out, but Kurt couldn't hear it over the blood pulsing in his ears.

"The man I love is in a mental institution right now trying to put his mind back together after people like you have fucked it up so badly and you walk in here like you did nothing wrong!" Kurt gripped Ryan's shoulders. Ryan looked just as pissed as Kurt.

"I've come to apologize, Kurt, I just want to see him. I loved-"

Kurt punched him as hard as he could in the face then dropped him to the floor. "Don't you DARE say that you loved him! Not after what you did!"

Blaine came running out of his room, his socked feet skidding on the floor as he stopped and took in the scene. Blaine looked fearful.

"R-ryan?"

Security was thundering up the hall toward them. Kurt knew he would be asked to leave, but he wasn't letting Ryan anywhere near Blaine.

"What the hell is going on up here?" Andy demanded, seeing Ryan clutching his jaw and Kurt standing over him with his fist clenched.

"I don't want this bastard anywhere near my boyfriend," Kurt growled again. "He's trying so hard to get himself back together and you being here will only make it worse."

Blaine had leaned up against the door frame, looking lost with his hand fisting his hair. Kathy ran over to him and tried to usher him back into his room, but he wasn't budging.

"Blaine...just go sit down and we'll be back in a moment," Kathy urged him, but he shook his head.

"Don't make Kurt leave, please," Blaine whimpered.

"I'll try, but he assaulted him...I don't know what will happen."

"Kurt, who is this guy?" Andy asked.

"Tell them, Ryan! Tell them how Blaine's rapist just wanted to come by and have a little chat!" Kurt went to kick him in the stomach, but Andy wrapped his arm around his chest and pulled him back.

"Kurt, I just wanna see him-"

"Fuck you! You destroyed him! He loved you!"

Ryan looked over at Blaine, who was mumbling to himself with his eyes shut. He knew what he did and he lived with it every day. At the time, he was just afraid of people finding out about them, but now he wanted nothing more than Blaine's forgiveness.

"Blaine...please," Ryan begged. Blaine didn't look up. "Blaine, I just wanna talk-"

"Can't you see you're freaking him out! Leave him alone!" Kurt struggled against Andy's hold.

"I think it's time for you to leave, kid," another guard helped Ryan off the ground.

"Blaine, I'm sorry, ok? I just wanted you to know that-"

Blaine's gaze finally lifted and his eyes were burning with fury. "Sorry...for holding me down and raping me...then dumping me like I was trash? Is that what you're sorry for, Ryan?" he moved slowly toward him, Kathy close behind. "You think you can just come up to me and apologize for taking something away from me that meant so much?"

Blaine was now chest to chest with Ryan, who shook under his burning gaze. "You are nothing to me but a sick, twisted son of a bitch and I really hope you die understanding that I will hate you for as long as you breathe."

"Blaine...I did love you back-"

"You loved me!" Blaine screamed. "No, Ryan, I loved YOU and you thought so little of me that you assumed that you could fuck me like some cheap whore and toss me aside! You hated me! You hated me, my family hated me, the kids at school hated me!"

Blaine backed away and clenched his fists, fighting the urge to punch something- Ryan, the wall, security, anything. He ran his hands through his hair.

"Nessuno mi voleva!" he shouted in Italian. "Volevo solo che qualcuno mi vuoi!"

"I did, Blaine, I was just afraid!" Ryan responded. He clearly knew what Blaine was saying to him. Blaine shook his head.

"Si cazzo mi ha ucciso, Ryan!" Blaine cried and shoved him against the wall. Security grabbed Blaine and another took Ryan by the arm and dragged him out of the hospital, Ryan screaming apologies and crying the whole way out. Kurt rushed over and let Kathy hold him while they tried to console Blaine.

"Inutile... cazzo inutile..." he sobbed, his body no longer fighting against the guards. Kurt ran over and held him tightly.

"Easy, baby...breathe..."

"Lo sono niente, Kurt, niente," he heaved against his shoulder. Kurt knew niente- nothing.

"You're not nothing, baby," his voice still shook with anger. The fact that Ryan could make him feel that way- that anyone could make him feel that way- made Kurt's blood boil again.

"Si, lo sono niente-"

"Stop it, Blaine," Kurt took his face into his hands a little rougher than intended, but Blaine didn't seem to notice. He was stuck inside his own head.

"I'll go find Dr. Joseph," Kathy scurried down the hall. Kurt looked into Blaine's eyes.

"Blaine, I want you to look at me right now. Really look at me, ok? Snap out of it."

Blaine shook his head a couple of times, fighting back the voices in his head screaming obscenities at him and damning him. He looked back up at Kurt and took in his bright blue eyes- ones that were filled with hurt and anger, but Blaine knew it wasn't toward him.

"You are NOT nothing, Blaine. You're everything to me. You can't keep making yourself believe that or you're never going to get any better. Don't let anyone tell you you're not absolutely perfect, no matter how sick you may be or how hard you may be on yourself, you are perfect to me."

Blaine cried and nodded before letting Kurt kiss his forehead and pull his head to his chest, holding him close. "I won't let him anywhere near you, baby. He doesn't deserve your time and you know that."

Blaine gripped Kurt's back harder and shook. Seeing Ryan again seemed to bring everything back- the kisses, the touches, the smiles, the love- but it was all overshadowed by fear, heartache and pain.

"Kurt, bring him to Dr. Joseph, please," Kathy called from the office. Kurt nodded and sighed.

"Come on, baby, you need to talk about this."

"I don't know if I can," he said weakly.

"I'll be right there, I promise. I won't leave."

Blaine finally got his breath and stood up straight. Kurt took his hand and led him to the office.

They sat in the chairs in front of the desk, Blaine's hands shaking and tapping the whole time. Kurt placed his hand over Blaine's to still them. Dr. Joseph sat down and cleared his throat.

"How are you, Blaine?"

"I-I don't know," he said nervously.

"You had a visitor today...the mysterious Ryan you told me about this morning. Who is he, Blaine?"

Kurt squeezed Blaine's hand and urged him to continue. "Ex-boyfriend...I guess."

"What happened with Ryan, Blaine? Before today, I mean."

Blaine closed his eyes and took deep breath. "I met him at a school dance. He played on the baseball team, but he never bothered me like the other guys did. I was standing there with a friend of mine when he came over and started talking to me. We hit it off pretty quickly. Before I walked out to wait on my friend's dad, he gave me his number...I got beaten up in the parking lot outside and he came to see me in the hospital and stuff."

"He seemed to really like you," Dr. Joseph said.

"Seemed to," Kurt huffed. Blaine squeezed his hand and continued.

"He wasn't allowed at my house because my dad caught us kissing in my room, so we started sneaking around, meeting in parking lots or coffee shops or at the lake.  
>We were together three months then I realized that I might love him."<p>

Blaine's eyes slid closed and he bit back a sob. "We were getting a little close at the lake one night and I told him that I loved him. He said he loved me too, then started taking my shirt off-"

_"Ryan, please, don't," Blaine started to push his hand away._

_"You love me, don't you?" Ryan smiled._

_"Y-yeah, I think so-"_

_"Then give me what I want, Blaine. Show me you love me," Ryan got the buttons open on Blaine's shirt and started licking and biting at his neck and chest, grinding down on Blaine as he did. Blaine started to freak out a little. He didn't want to go too far yet- he didn't even know what that would entail. Ryan fumbled with the button on his blue jeans._

_"R-ryan, stop-"_

_"Show me, Blaine," Ryan said again, shoving Blaine's jeans and underwear down and starting to discard his own. Blaine started scurrying backward on the ground, but Ryan grabbed his knees and held him down._

_"Where do you think you're going?" Ryan slid off his jeans with one hand while holding Blaine with the other. Blaine struggled as Ryan crawled up his body and held his wrists to the ground._

_"What's wrong, Blaine? I love you. This is what people who love each other do," he grinded against Blaine again. Blaine didn't even feel the pleasure anymore. He was freaking out._

_"Let me go, please," Blaine whimpered._

_"You're not being a very good lover, Blaine," Ryan yanked Blaine up and lifted him off the ground and slamming him against the side of a tool shed next to where they were laying. "I'll teach you."_

_Blaine shoved at his chest, but Ryan slapped him across the face, his vision going blurry for a moment before he felt the stabbing pain in the lower half of his body. He cried out, tears pouring down his face. Ryan had his wrists with one hand and his hip with the other, pounding into him mercilessly._

_"Please, stop! It hurts!" Blaine twisted and pulled so much he thought he would dislocate his shoulder._

_"You're so tight," Ryan groaned in his ear-_

"Blaine, Blaine, BREATHE!"

Blaine opened his eyes and saw Kurt kneeling in front of him, gripping his hand for dear life. His lungs were burning and his chest was heaving shallow breaths.

"He's having an anxiety attack. Blaine, slow down," Dr. Joseph.

Blaine felt his vision blur and his fingers and face tingle. Kurt took his hand and placed it over Blaine's chest.

"Baby, breathe slow, ok?" Kurt was crying. "In and out, sweetie."

Blaine struggled to regain his normal breathing pattern, but suddenly his vision went black. Blaine collapsed forward into Kurt's arms.

"Blaine!" Kurt shook him, but got no response.

"Let's get him back to his room and in the bed. He hasn't had his medicine yet today, so it should calm him down a little." Kathy appeared at Kurt's side. Kurt lifted Blaine's limp form into his arms, his tears falling just a little harder as he felt how much lighter Blaine was than he used to be. They got him back to his room and Kurt lay him down carefully on the bed.

"Don't worry, sweetie," Kathy rubbed Kurt's back. "He just hyperventilated. He'll be around soon."

Kurt choked and nodded. "It was just hard...hearing what he did to him."

"We'll have security get a picture from the security cameras and they won't let him back in."

"Here," Kurt leaned over to the open photo album on Blaine's bed and pulled out the picture. "He hasn't changed much...it doesn't need to be in there anyway."

Kathy nodded and left the room. Kurt sat down next to Blaine, whose face was pale and covered in a cold sweat. Kurt brushed his hair away from his forehead and sighed. His adrenaline was high and he was didn't feel like sitting, but he knew that if he didn't, he would be running out the door, chasing down Ryan and beating him to death.

Blaine groaned and grimaced, his eyes fluttering open. He looked around for a moment then leaned over to the garbage can beside his bed and vomited. Kurt hopped up and ran over to the door.

"Kathy? Can I get a cold rag? He's throwing up!"

"He's overworked himself, that's all, calm down," Kathy soothed him. She went off to get it and Kurt headed back inside to find Blaine still leaning over the trash can, his hands shaking and face stark white.

"Where is he?" Blaine asked, his voice thick and shaky.

"He's gone, baby, he won't come back," Kurt brushed Blaine's hair back. "I promise."

Blaine nodded and slumped back against the mattress, getting his breath. "Sorry."

"It's ok. Stop apologizing for every single freak out you have. I know it's going to happen sometimes."

Blaine shook his head. "I don't even really remember freaking out...It's scary..."

Kurt sighed and crawled into the bed behind Blaine. "I know, baby. You just started yelling at him then you shoved him...he understood you when you started speaking Italian."

"Yeah...he speaks it."

Kathy brought a cold rag and a bowl with cold water in and set it on Blaine's bedside table. She picked up the trash can and smiled at the boys before walking back out. She could tell they needed to talk.

They lay in silence for a moment as Kurt slowly wiped Blaine's face with the rag, relaxing Blaine slightly with each touch. Blaine lay on his side, his hands rested beneath his cheek.

"Talk to me, Blaine," Kurt said softly, placing the rag on the end table. "What are you thinking about?"

"I don't know..."

"Just tell me as it comes to you."

Blaine let his brain go. "Ryan, you, being pissed, guitar chords, Sonata No. 4, parts of a car transmission-"

"Wow, you're head's going nuts, isn't it?" Kurt cracked a smile. Blaine nodded.

"This is how it always is...it never stops. Sometimes it's voices, sometimes its just random thoughts..."

"What voices, Blaine?" Kurt had never heard him mention hearing voices.

"It almost sounds like my father, only higher pitched. It says horrible things to me. I try to fight it because it's not real, but...sometimes I wonder if it is."

Kurt sighed. "Does it sound real?"

"It sounds as real as you do."

"You know the horrible things that voice says isn't true right? Is that why you called yourself nothing out in the hall? Did the voice say it?"

Blaine vaguely remembered saying it. "I thought you didn't speak Italian."

"Well...after spending some time with you, I picked up on a few words," Kurt smiled softly and wrapped an arm around Blaine's waist.

"The voice makes my head hurt really bad."

Kurt seemed to figure as much since Blaine often held his head in his hands in stressful situations. He couldn't even to begin to imagine the fear in Blaine's heart at the sound of such a real thing hissing terrible things in is head. Blaine knew it was all in his head, but to him, it felt so real.

Kathy came back with Blaine's medicine and a glass of water. "Take this as soon as possible, Blaine. How are you?"

Blaine shrugged, picking at a small tuft of down sticking out of his pillow.

"We're just talking, Kathy...he's gonna be ok, I think."

Kathy smiled. "Thank you, Kurt. Ever think of becoming a psychiatrist?"

Kurt cocked an eyebrow. "Hell no."

Blaine couldn't fight a small laugh. Kurt looked down at him.

"Oh my god, he smiled! What!"

Blaine laughed a little harder.

"Oh, wow, now he's laughing," Kurt threw up his hands, a grin on his face. "How in the world is this possible!"

Blaine doubled over, clutching his stomach and tears falling down his face as he laughed at his silly boyfriend. Kathy laughed with them, seeing Blaine's face finally light up as he met Kurt's smiling face and the pale boy leaned down to kiss his forehead.

"I think you needed that," Kurt stroked his cheek with his thumb.

"Yeah...I love you, Kurt."

Kathy gasped at the sweetness. They both looked up at her.

"Sorry...it's just so sweet...I'll go now," she scurried away after giving Kurt a final wink. Kurt leaned back down and kissed Blaine's cheek.

"I love you, too, but not until after you brush your teeth. Did you forget you puked in a garbage can?"

Blaine laughed. "Yeah...I'll be right back, then."

Kurt watched him grab his tooth brush from the end table drawer and walk to the bathroom. A little over three months and Blaine was out of that place. Away from the poking and prodding of the doctors and needles and in Kurt's home. If he ever saw Ryan again, he decided, the boy would probably die. His heart ached for Blaine and his mysterious voice. Blaine was never a person of low self-esteem or self hatred before he got sick. Kurt hoped in the weeks to come, he would find out a little more about the voice and help Blaine find a way to stop it.

* * *

><p><strong>Nessuno mi voleva!- No one wanted me!<strong>

**Volevo solo che qualcuno mi vuoi!- I just wanted someone to want me!**

**Si cazzo mi ha ucciso, Ryan!- You fucking killed me, Ryan!**

**"Inutile... cazzo inutile..."- Useless...fucking useless...**

**Lo sono niente- I am nothing**

**So those are the translations- pretty heavy. Poor Blaine! He should have a happy ending after all this, right? Let's hope :)**


	14. The Voice

**This chapter is a bit shorter, but I'm about to answer a LOT of questions... why won't Blaine hurt Kurt? what really made him kill his parents? plus, I love Angry!Kurt, so here's a bit of that too... we'll also see the events of the night Blaine killed his parents a bit more from his perspective.**

* * *

><p>Kurt walked into school on the next Monday after a long weekend of homework and worry. He told his parents about Ryan and the voice in Blaine's head. He thought Burt was going to kill someone when Kurt told him about the rape, but Carol calmed him down enough to not get arrested. Kurt's phone buzzed in his pocket. He took it out and the message there made him almost vomit.<p>

_I know this is probably going to be my own death sentence, but please meet me at the Lima Bean at 3:30- Ryan_

Kurt looked all around him, looking for the boy, but he was nowhere to be found.

_How the fuck did you get my number?_

Kurt stomped toward French, his hands shaking with anger. When he got to his desk, he answered the new text.

_Wes Montgomery. He knew you at Dalton. He's my neighbor. Please just meet with me._

_Do you want another busted jaw? Kurt typed back and tried to focus his anger on learning, but his phone buzzed again._

_I know you hate me. Just let me get some closure and give Blaine some, too._

Kurt closed his eyes. He had two options- one, give this asshole the satisfaction of closure, or two, make him live in misery the rest of his life. The latter sounded absolutely fantastic...but the former may actually help Blaine.

Kurt typed back his message.

_Fine._

Kurt tried to make it through the rest of the day without snapping at someone or hitting something or slamming doors and lockers. When he pulled into the Lima Bean, he saw the Jacob Black look-a-like in the window, staring down at this coffee cup. Kurt took a calming breath before walking into the shop and sitting across from him. The side of his face bore a purplish yellow bruise. Kurt smiled inwardly at the sight.

"Thank you for doing this, Kurt," he said softly.

"I'm not doing this for you. Blaine needs all the reconciliation he can get right now and if this is pointless, it never happened," Kurt snipped.

Ryan nodded. "Fair enough. May I ask what's wrong with him?"

Kurt looked the boy over scrutinizingly, but finally sighed. "He's developed schizophrenia. It's a pretty severe case, from what they say. He killed his parents."

Ryan's face held a look of horror. "Oh my god."

"He didn't remember it. His defense attorney plead insanity and he has to spend six months at St. Patrick's."

Ryan looked like he was trying to take everything in, his eyes beginning to shine. "Poor Blaine..."

"Don't start that shit," Kurt spat. "You never gave a damn about him and you know it. He told us what happened...what you said."

Ryan swallowed hard. "I know what I said, Kurt. I can't justify the way I acted in any way...I just want him to know that I'm sorry now..."

"He loved you, Ryan. You were his first love and you raped him. You took away the most sacred thing he had and you think after four years he has forgotten? He won't forgive you."

"I don't expect him to," Ryan's eyes brimmed with tears. "I just want him to know it was a stupid thing I did and that I am truly sorry."

Kurt looked into the man's dark eyes, seeing the hurt and pain he was feeling. Kurt didn't want to believe him, but he did. Though he finally understood, he wasn't about to be friendly.

"Did you even know what Blaine had been through before that?"

Ryan looked up. "I knew his dad was pretty hard on him."

"Yeah, hard on him totally covers it," Kurt snipped. "Let me just fill you in- his whole life was a lie. His parents hated him and weren't afraid to let him know it. He watched his little sister die when he was only eight. He had to hear his own father tell him he wished it had been him. He dealt with your friends-  
>YOUR friends- torturing him at school then had to go home and live it all over again. I can't even tell you how many times I climbed up the side of his house into his bedroom to see blood dripping off his arms after he had cut himself because of all the pain he had been caused. He finally snapped and now I have to sit in a white room with the boy I love who's fighting with himself every single day to simply live the next moment without feeling like he's crazy. I die inside every time he cries over the shit that people have put him through and the shit that his own head is telling him- that he's worthless and nothing and crazy. You contributed to that and I want you to understand something if you understand anything I'm telling you today- you won't get his forgiveness or mine and the fact that you're suddenly so sorry for what you did sickens me. You sicken me. One day, I hope you feel as terrible as he does right now because karma is a bitch."<p>

Kurt stood up and turned to walk away without a backward glance at the man. As he spoke, Ryan cried harder, and Kurt felt instant gratification. He knew he was harsh, but it was necessary. He didn't know if he should tell Blaine he talked to Ryan or not, but he felt like a small bit of burden had lifted from his shoulders. Kurt got into his car and chanced a look at the window. Ryan sat with his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking. Kurt sniffed to rid his eyes of his own tears and drove back home.

* * *

><p>"I talked to Ryan on Monday."<p>

Blaine looked up from his book. "What!"

"He contacted me...Wes gave him my number..."

Blaine's eyes betrayed his anger. "Kurt, why the hell-"

"Let me talk, ok? He said he was sorry about what happened and didn't really give an explaination as to why, but he seemed sincere. He really did care about you, which I still don't understand."

Blaine closed his book and fisted his hair, his elbow resting on his knee.

"Anyway, I just made him feel like shit then left. That's all I wanted, baby, was for him to feel horrible. I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted."

"I would have loved it if you had cut his dick off, but I guess that works, too."

Kurt couldn't help but laugh. "You're not mad at me for talking to him?"

"A little. It's not your problem, Kurt."

"It is my problem. You are the most important thing in the world to me and for him to do that to you then try and come back for forgiveness..." Kurt sighed, his anger building again. "Blaine, he hurt you. When you hurt, I hurt. So, yes...it is my problem."

Blaine looked up at Kurt and smiled weakly. "I love you."

The words haunted him just a little- having been the words that ignited Ryan's attack- but he knew in that moment, it had nothing to do with Ryan.

"I love you, too."

Blaine let go of his hair and sat back against the wall, closing his eyes.

"So...anymore on that voice yet?" Kurt crossed his legs on the bed, facing Blaine.

"I don't know...I really don't wanna talk about it."

"You should...that's the point of being here, baby." Kurt took his hand gently. Blaine sighed.

"Well...it tells me to do things I don't want to do. When I'm really mad, it's like it takes over my body or something..."

"When was the first time you heard it?" Kurt asked.

Blaine swallowed. "The night I killed Mom and Dad."

Kurt's hands started to shake. He always hated hearing it come from Blaine's own mouth. "What did it say?"

"At first, it was just mumbling because Dad was yelling at me...but then I just closed my eyes and listened...it was saying how I couldn't killed him if I tried and that I was weak and..."

Kurt saw Blaine's eyes squeeze shut.

"Don't listen to it now, baby. Ignore it."

Blaine took a deep breath and opened his eyes. "It was almost like it was challenging me. I always hated being called weak and I kept saying no over and over. My Dad looked at me like I was crazy then grabbed my arm...the next thing I know, my hands are around his throat and he's dying..."

Blaine's eyes glisten with tears. "He's looking at me and he's scared...in my head the voice is saying 'this is what you wanted, Blaine...you wanted him to be afraid of you and now he is'. I let him go and he just dropped. Mom was screaming at me and she punched me over and over in the arm..."

Kurt slid in next to Blaine and wrapped him up in his arms. He had never heard Blaine talk about what happened that night. It was frightening, but he tried to stay strong.

"All I could think about was you- I wanted you and I kept telling the voice in my head to shut up. I was screaming it out loud while I ran upstairs. The whole time I was talking to you, Mom was screaming and crying and the voice was saying 'she won't stop until you stop her'...so I ran downstairs and grabbed a steak knife and stabbed her until she did..."

Blaine choked and leaned over to throw up in the trash can by his bed again, his body shaking with sobs and anger. Kurt held him as close as he could, fighting the urge to curl into a ball and cower. Blaine punched the mattress and sobbed uncontrollably.

"Why is this happening to me, Kurt? I just want it all to go away!"

"I know, baby," Kurt pulled him back against his chest, clinging to him for dear life. "Just keep fighting it. Don't give in. That's what it wants."

Blaine shook his head and buried it in his hands. Kurt rocked him gently, trying to calm him before he had another attack. It seemed like hours before he finally slowed his breathing and his sobs were reduced to whimpers then sniffs. Kurt never let him go. Blaine wiped his eyes and lifted his head to look at Kurt.

"You don't deserve this."

"Hush," Kurt placed a kiss to his sweaty forehead. "I'd do this forever if it meant I'd still have you. You know that."

Blaine dropped his head. "The voice...it likes you."

Kurt tilted his head. "Why?"

"I don't know...it won't let me hurt you...that's why I freaked out so bad when I had that attack in your bathroom...the voice didn't tell me to hurt you. It was me."

"You didn't mean to, Blaine," Kurt said against his hair. "Stop beating yourself up over that. I'm not mad and I'm fine now."

Blaine finally nodded and rested his head back against Kurt's chest.

"So...does this voice have a name or anything?"

Blaine couldn't help but give a small laugh. "No."

"What could we call it, then?"

"I'd hate to justify the monster inside me with a name, Kurt."

"Well, maybe if you find out, we can...I don't know...talk it down when it appears."

Blaine looked up at Kurt quizzically. "That actually sort of makes sense."

Kurt smiled. "Well...be listening for a name, then, I guess."

Blaine laughed and snuggled up close to Kurt. Kurt absently rubbed Blaine's chest, right above his heart.

"You feel ok?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah...I don't know why exactly, but I kind of feel...relieved."

Kurt felt his heart warm and a smile spread across his face. "Good...me too."

* * *

><p><strong>Ok, there will be more to come. Hope you all are enjoying reading this as much as I am writing it. I'm about to go work on Glee Love now.<strong>


	15. Stratzio

**This one drained my brain, but there's a lot of good information here. Ready to meet the voice in Blaine's head?**

* * *

><p>Kurt ate dinner that night with his family, listening to Finn and Burt discussing baseball. He kept letting his mind travel back to the voice. He had read that it was normal for schizophrenics to hear voices and have alternate personalities, but he was curious as to what Blaine's alternate personality would be like.<p>

"So, Kurt, how's Blaine?" Carol asked. Burt and Finn looked to him as well.

"I guess he's ok...he seemed a little better after he talked about Ryan."

"I still can't believe he held that in for so long," Burt shook his head. "No wonder the boy's head is going crazy."

"Dad," Kurt warned. He often asked that his father not mention the word 'crazy' in reference to Blaine.

"Sorry, kid," Burt gave a sorrowful smile. "Anyway, have they learned anything else to help him?"

"They're still working out his medication...but he told me something interesting..."

"What's that?" Carol asked.

"Well...he has a voice in his head. It's part of the illness. It tells him to do things he doesn't want and like...the night he killed Mr and Mrs. Anderson,  
>he thinks it took him over. He doesn't remember a thing about actually doing it."<p>

The three others looked nervously among each other.

"So...it's like he's possessed or something?" Finn asked. "Like _Paranormal Activity_ or something?"

"It's not a demon, Finn," Kurt rolled his eyes. "It's just like an alternate personality. Like he has two people in his mind and one of them doesn't exactly believe the same things as Blaine does...I mean, do you think the Blaine I introduced you to at the Championships would kill his parents?"

The three shook their heads.

"Well...we're kind of trying to come up with a name for it. I figure it's like _Me, Myself and Irene_ where if we have a name for it we could maybe talk it down or something."

Finn chuckled. "That's kind of weird, no offense."

"Trust me, Finn, nothing is weird to me anymore," Kurt broke into a smile.

After dinner, Kurt went to his room and got online. He typed 'schizophrenia voices head' into the engine and saw the millions of hits that popped up. "Hearing Voices: Schizophrenia" popped up and he clicked. The material was pretty scientific, but Kurt read. He found his solutions to be correct as he read a passage:

_"One interesting coping technique that has been used on several patients is that of allowing voices to come out for conversation during a set period of time. By allowing them to come out for a set period, they tend not to usually bother the victims for the rest of the day. Another interesting phenomenon that scientists have found is that the vocal hallucinations that a victim experiences are usually a mirror reflection of their social life with real people."_

Well that made sense to Kurt. Blaine was bullied, in turn his alternate personality would be a bully- someone who wanted others to hurt. He was told often that he was nothing and that he should hate himself, in turn making his internal voice one that was hateful to him and pushed him to do things that it knew Blaine wouldn't want. Kurt shook his head and rubbed his temples. It was all a bit confusing to him, but he was bound and determined to find a way to alleviate some of Blaine's symptoms if Blaine wouldn't tell the doctors the truth. Kurt knew he was going to have to tell Dr. Joseph about it. It was a pretty big deal and may help in getting him back to a form of normal.

Kurt went back to the search and found a forum about schizophrenia. One poster asked what it was like to hear the voices. Kurt perked up a little and scrolled down, curious himself.

He found his answer. The poster said it was mostly like someone was talking normally into their ear, saying suicidal things in his head, even though he knew he wasn't suicidal. He said he couldn't eat or sleep properly because of the constant voice in his head and the voice had convinced him his family was dead and he went missing for five days because the voice was telling him to go find their bodies and he had no clue where the voice was leading him. Kurt gasped softly and covered his mouth with his hand. He couldn't imagine Blaine ever doing anything like that, but if the voice ever got that bad, what could he do to stop it?

Kurt shut his laptop and closed his eyes, taking in the information he had just read. All those things that poor man had been through had been horrible. Blaine already tried to kill himself once...was it to silence the voice? He knew Blaine had been losing weight, but he always seemed to eat ok when Kurt was around.

_The voice...it likes you._

The voice apparently silenced itself a lot when Kurt was around, allowing Blaine a little freedom. The voice convinced Blaine he couldn't kill his father...that he was weak. So this alternate Blaine seemed to come out to do the job for him.

Kurt climbed into bed and snuggled with a pillow crushed against his chest. He sighed and bit back tears. His best friend- his love- was facing so many things that Kurt couldn't even imagine and he was clueless as to what he could do to help him. He hoped that bringing out the voice, the alternate Blaine, the Blaine that killed his own parents, would not end in complete disaster.

* * *

><p>Blaine rested his head against the wall four nights later, his eyes drifting closed.<p>

_Stratzio._

Blaine had heard the word over and over again in the same high voice that plagued his mind for the past few months. Over and over the word played like a broken record.

_Stratzio._

"Please, just shut up," Blaine mumbled out loud, not so much angry and scared as he was bothered by the voice.

_Stop telling them, Blaine._

"What?"

_Stop telling them all my secrets. It's not nice._

"You're not nice," Blaine growled and buried his head in his hands, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes.

_You can't get rid of me that easily, you know._

"I'm perfectly aware, thanks. Just shut up, I'm tired."

_Wanna get back to your sweet dreams about Kurt, eh?_

"Stop it!"

_I see you every night- you dream about him in your bed, beneath you, writhing, panting, digging his nails into your back-_

"STOP!"

Blaine slammed his fists onto the mattress in anger. He felt almost disgusted, like there was someone else there, watching his most intimate moments.

A knock came at the door. Andy peaked his head in.

"Ok in here, Blaine?"

"It...it just won't stop, that's all," Blaine whimpered, rubbing his neck.

"What?"

"That damned voice! It won't go away!"

"We'll talk to the doc about it tomorrow, ok? Try and get some sleep, you look exhausted."

It was true. Blaine's sleeping hadn't been its best. Since telling Kurt about the voice Thursday he's had very little time to himself in his own mind. It was Monday now and all he wanted to do was tear his hair out and scream. Blaine watched Andy close the door and he lay down on his bed, curling up on his side and facing the window. He closed his eyes tightly and battled sleep. Blaine didn't dream about Kurt beneath him that night...he dreamed of Kurt running away from him as he tried to silence the never-ending delusion in his head.

* * *

><p>Thursday morning, Kurt sat down across from Dr. Joseph, who seemed pretty tired as compared to his usual chipper self.<p>

"I've been working for the past two days on some very interesting information that Blaine gave out to a security guard Monday evening." he stated, pulling out a file. "It seems that Blaine isn't alone in his head."

Kurt nodded. "Yeah...he told me."

"You know of the voice?" Dr. Joseph asked, surprised.

"He told me last week. He said he first heard it when he killed his parents. He said it told him that he wouldn't do it...like it was challenging him to."

"And the next thing he knows, their dead." Dr. Joseph completed his thought. Kurt nodded.

"It seems we have a case of alternate personalities here..." Dr. Joseph wrote on the file.

"I researched it last night, sir...I was wondering if I could try something..."

"What's that?"

"Well...I read that if the voice is allowed to...'come out' for a short period, it would ease it."

"Very good research, Kurt," Dr. Joseph smiled. "It's said that it helps a bit, but one thing we need to start thinking about doing is a special therapy session for the auditory hallucinations."

"Well, I would love to be able to start after this...he said the voice likes me and doesn't want to hurt me...I figure if that's the case, then I'm not really in danger."

Dr. Joseph sighed. "I will allow it, but leave the door open and tell Kathy what you're going to do. With alternate personalities, you never know what you're truly going to get."

Kurt nodded. "Thank you. I'll let you get back to work."

"Oh, how are you doing, Kurt? I feel as if we only talk about Blaine in your meetings."

"I'm doing well, sir. I'm just really worried about him, that's all."

Dr. Joseph smiled. "He's getting better, Kurt, it's just taking some time."

Kurt nodded and stood. "Thank you, sir. I'll tell you how it goes."

Dr. Joseph nodded and Kurt walked down the hall.

"Hey Kathy? I'm gonna try something with Blaine today and Dr. Joseph told me to make sure you knew. I have to leave the door open."

"What are you doing?" she cocked her head.

"It's a long story...Blaine's hearing a voice and I'm gonna try and see if I can help him out."

Kathy nodded. "Say no more. I've dealt with that before with another patient. Be careful, ok?"

Kurt walked over to Blaine's door and knocked. He didn't get an answer, but he sometimes didn't. He opened the door and saw Blaine lying on the bed, seemingly asleep. Kurt tiptoed over and sat carefully on the edge of the bed. Blaine turned to look at him.

"Baby...are you ok?" Kurt asked. Blaine looked as if he hadn't slept at all that night.

"No...it's driving me crazy."

"Here, sit up," Kurt pulls Blaine to a sitting position. Blaine yawned.

"Ok, so I read that if you let the voice out, you know...let it take you over and say its piece then it's supposed to go away for a while."

Blaine swallowed. "Kurt...that thing killed my parents."

"I know, baby, but you said it likes me, right?"

"Yeah...like _REALLY_ likes you...like it wants to take you against the wall."

Kurt felt his face blush. "Well, we can try it once and if that doesn't help, then we'll try something different."

Blaine didn't like the idea.

_Come on, Blaine...just let me say hi._

Blaine sighed. "Don't hurt him."

_Never._

Kurt gave him a quizzical look before Blaine sat back and closed his eyes, letting his mind go. He felt himself get antsy, nervous, afraid. His hands were shaking, his fingers tapping quickly on his knee.

Kurt went to place a hand over his boyfriend's hand, but the hand grabbed his quickly and Kurt looked up. Blaine's face was calm, relaxed...elated.

"Hello, there."

It was Blaine's voice, but it wasn't Blaine. He seemed to be oozing something that resembled smugness, which was not a quality of Blaine's at all.

"You're as beautiful as Blaine imagines you to be, you know that?" he sits back against the wall. Kurt's face bore a look of surprise and confusion.

"Um...who are you?"

"I'm whoever you want me to be," he smirked. That was DEFINITELY not Blaine.

"I'm serious. I'm trying to help Blaine."

"Why? Blaine's so...weak. His mind is weak...his body is weak..."

"Stop it! None of that is true! He's a wonderful, smart boy and your torturing him!"

"That's my point, Kurt. Stratzio."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"My name..."

Kurt felt his clenched fists loosen a little. "Your name?"

"Stratzio."

Kurt could see how Blaine got frustrated with this personality. It was arrogant and cold.

"Why did you kill Blaine's parents?" Kurt asked. Stratzio looked thoughtful for a moment, the smug grin never seeming to leave his face entirely.

"They pissed me off. I mean, I don't really like Blaine, but they treated us like shit and he wasn't going to do it, so I figured I would."

Kurt felt like he was sitting face to face with Charles Manson. Stratzio was perfectly aware of what he had done and thrived on it.

"Look, enough about me. Tell me more about you. All I know about you is in Blaine's head. I sort of wanna know," his eyes drifted over Kurt's body, "all of you."

Kurt had to fight back arousal at the gesture. It wasn't Blaine, but he looked like Blaine. Kurt shook his head.

"I want Blaine back."

"Aww, just gonna push me away?" Stratzio crawled up the bed, hovering in front of Kurt. "No kiss goodbye."

"Just give me Blaine back," he shivered.

Stratzio's eyes lingered on his lips. "Fine. Hope to see you again soon, beautiful."

Stratzio closed his eyes and they opened again looking different- confused.

"Kurt...why am I practically on top of you?"

Kurt didn't know what to think. He stood up quickly and paced, running his hands through his hair.

"Kurt!" Blaine sounded desperate. "Oh my god, what did I do?"

"Nothing, Blaine...that wasn't you," Kurt's voice shook with nervousness. Blaine sat back against the bed, still looking confused.

"Blaine, what does Stratzio mean?"

Blaine's eyes grew wide. "W-where did you hear that?"

"He said it. He said it was his name. It sounded Italian, but I've never heard you say it before."

Blaine racked his brain, trying to think of what it could mean, but he had never heard it before either. He only heard it repeated over and over in his head since Kurt mentioned giving the voice a name.

"I have no idea."

Kurt pulled his phone out of his pocket and quickly started typing.

"I thought you couldn't bring that in," Blaine sat up as Kurt sat down on the bed.

"I wasn't supposed to, but I didn't turn it in at the desk," he scrolled down on Google, searching the links until he found one that stuck out to him. He clicked it with this thumb and opened a name and meaning page.

"Um...wow."

"What?" Blaine asked.

"I said something about him torturing you and he said that was his point...now I know what he meant."

"What! What did he mean!" Blaine asked again. Kurt turned to phone to Blaine and he read the description.

_Stratzio- origin: Italian. Meaning torment or torture._

"Well," Blaine sighed. "He's certainly doing his job."

"Baby, why don't you try and get some rest," Kurt cupped Blaine's cheek.

"No, I wanna see you," Blaine gave a soft, warm smile. _There's my Blaine, _Kurt thought. Kurt nodded and sat back against the wall with Blaine, letting him start the conversation, which ended up at what was going to happen when Blaine got out.

"I want a grilled cheese when I get home," Blaine lamented. "This food here is disgusting and I have been craving a grilled cheese for the past two weeks."

Kurt laughed. "Blaine, only you would claim food as your first right after freedom."

"I love food," Blaine giggled. They sat in silence for a few minutes, simply staring into each other's eyes and holding hands.

"This is nice," Blaine said softly.

"What?" Kurt asked.

"Silence."

"So...it worked?" Kurt asked hopefully.

"I think so...this is the longest I've gone in a while without hearing it. I think that actually worked."

Kurt smiled and hugged Blaine tightly around the neck. "We can do that every time I come and maybe it will go away."

"Maybe...but I'm not getting my hopes up just yet and neither should you, ok?" Blaine took hold of Kurt's chin. "Thank you."

Kurt kissed his lips gently. "Anytime."

* * *

><p><strong>WOW. ok, going to read some of you guys' awesome smutty stories on here and watch the New York episode of Glee. Love you all and see you soon!<strong>


	16. Skyscraper

**Ok: Calling out to any of those who do deviantArt! I kind of wanna see what you guys' take on this story is with your artwork! make me something good, send it to me, and I'll do whatever you want that doesn't involve sexual pleasures...unless it's like...written...lol. Ok, on to the story!**

* * *

><p>Kurt walked into school Friday with a feeling of relief. Blaine didn't hear from Stratzio the rest of the time he was there. Kurt stroked Blaine's hair softly as he lulled Blaine into a sleep he desperately needed after Blaine promised him he would go to Dr. Joseph the next day to start working on therapy for the voice. Kurt walked into glee that afternoon to find the glee club looking at him when he entered the room.<p>

"Um...hi?"

"We were wondering something," Mercedes said. Mr. Shue was sitting at the piano, also watching him. "You haven't given us any word about Blaine since he freaked out at your house. I mean, I know you said he wanted you back, but you never told us if he's...you know...getting better."

The group looked attentive. Kurt looked to Mr. Shue.

"We're not doing anything today, Kurt. We wanna know," Mr. Shue stood. Kurt thought for a moment if he wanted them all to know about what all he had learned from Blaine- his sister dying, the rape, the voice- but he knew they would keep it in the room. They hadn't told anyone about Blaine's attack in his bathroom as far as he knew.

"Um... ok," Kurt sat on the stool at the front of the room and Mr. Shue moved to sit in the seat by Artie. He laughed a little on the inside, feeling like a teacher.

"Well...after I started going back, he opened up a little more. I found out that while he was in confinement...he saw his little sister. I didn't know he had one, but it turns out she died when Blaine was eight in a car accident."

There was a small, collective intake of breath, like the room itself was reacting. "Anyway, it was a pretty big breakthrough because he realized it all happened in his head- that's something they had been trying to convince him of since they got there...that it was all just hallucinations."

"So, have they stopped?" Quinn asked through her fingertips.

"Well...no, not really. He seemed to understand that it's not real now, but he still sees things...hears things."

"The voice?" Finn asked. The room looked at him confused.

"What voice?" Mr. Shue asked. Kurt sighed.

"Sometimes, patients with schizophrenia can develop separate personalities. It manifests as a voice in their head. Blaine said that the night that...it happened," he didn't say 'the night Blaine murdered his parents' because it was still very hard for the club to believe that it actually happened that way, "was the first time he heard it. He said his dad was yelling at him and then...he was dead."

Rachel looked like she was about to cry. "So...it really wasn't Blaine then...it was his separate personality?"

"Yeah..."

"That's...weird," Puck said. The room looked at him, surprised. "What!" he asked.

"It's fine, Puck. Blaine thinks so, too."

"What's this other personality like?" Mercedes asked.

"It's...the total opposite of what you guys know of Blaine. I...kind of met it yesterday."

The kids looked a little confused.

"The voice in his head is the personality. It tries to surface when he gets scared or angry, so by letting it out for a bit, it seems to alleviate it a little.  
>Yesterday, our psychiatrist allowed me to do something I researched and let the voice out...so I did."<p>

"It didn't hurt you or anything?" Finn asked, a tone of protectiveness in his voice.

"No, it didn't. Blaine mentioned that the voice likes me...that's why he can't hurt me. The voice won't let him and he won't let himself. Anyway, when this personality took over...I can see why Blaine's so angry with it all the time. It's crude and smug and apathetic...the total opposite of Blaine. It seems like this personality is aware that it and Blaine are separate...it kept saying that Blaine was weak."

"Poor Dolphin," Brittany rested her head on Santana's shoulder. "When can he come home?"

"Well, he's half way through with his six months...I guess if he does well, then he can come home then."

"How is he...you know...when he's not this other personality," Sam asked. Kurt smiled softly.

"He's getting better. He's smiling again, he's talking more...he still gets scared a lot, but he's learning to deal with it."

He heard sniffs around the room, Puck wiping his eyes and still trying to look tough.

"We won't ask anymore about his past," Mr. Shue stood up. "If Blaine wants to tell us one day, then he can. Thank you for updating us, Kurt. We really have been worried about him."

"Yeah. He was only here for a couple of months before all this happened," Rachel approached Kurt and took his hand, "but he became part of our family. He means so much to you, Kurt, and you mean a lot to us."

Kurt sniffed and hugged her. "Thank you."

The class awed and stood up to form a group hug around Kurt and Rachel. Kurt laughed with the group as the hug grew in size and felt his heart swell. He had never had friends before glee club. It was good to know that he wasn't alone- that Blaine wasn't alone.

* * *

><p>Blaine sat in Dr. Joseph's office, taking relaxing breaths and trying not to jump up and run back to his room and hide. He promised Kurt, but Stratzio wasn't really having it.<p>

_What the hell do you think this is going to accomplish?_

Blaine tried to ignore it, closing his eyes and pushing with all his might at his mind.

_You're so stupid, you know that? I'm not going away. I'm a part of you and you know it._

Blaine gripped his knee hard, trying to actually physically push the voice away.

"Blaine?"

Dr. Joseph sat down across from him, seeing the distress on his face. "What's going on?"

"It's just him, that's all," Blaine tried to relax his features.

"Him?"

"Stratzio. He's not leaving me alone today."

Dr. Joseph crossed his hands in front of him. "Tell me about Stratzio. Does he hurt you?"

"No. He says things to me...mean things. Like, things I seem to be thinking about myself..."

"Like what?"

"That I'm weak...stupid...useless..."

"You know none of that is true, right, Blaine?"

Blaine didn't answer right away. He had heard it all his life from his father and kids at school. Now it was coming from a voice much like his own, but distinctly not so, in his head. His other part.

"Blaine, do you remember what Kurt did yesterday?"

Blaine nodded. He still yearned for the relief he felt afterward.

"I want to speak with this other part of you. Will you let me?"

_Blaine, don't you fucking dare-_

"Yes."

"Just let your mind relax. Let him make himself known."

"He...he doesn't like you."

Dr. Joseph looked a little apprehensive. "Why?"

"He doesn't want anyone to know...he told Kurt because he trusts him..."

Dr. Joseph peaked out the door where Andy stood, giving him a nod that Andy returned.

"Don't worry, Blaine...let him through."

Blaine always felt scared when he was asked to let his mind go. Scared of what he would do when he wasn't in it anymore. Blaine's eyes drifted and he leaned his head back on the leather chair.

Moments passed in silence. When Blaine's eyes finally opened, the change was quite evident. His demeanor shifted from nervous to relaxed, smug and uncaring.

Dr. Joseph cleared his throat. "Stratzio, I assume?"

Stratzio gave a curt nod. "You're the doc, eh?" Dr. Joseph visible jumped at the changed in Blaine's voice- confidence and snark permeated the usual shyness and fear.

"I understand you spoke with Kurt yesterday."

Stratzio's eyes seemed to grow dark. "Oh yeah...I did. He's gorgeous in person, don't you think?"

Dr. Joseph could see why Blaine feared this voice. "I wouldn't know."

"So what do you want? Blaine's going crazy right now. He wants me gone."

"You can hear Blaine?"

"When I'm not in his head, he's in mine. The begging is getting annoying," Stratzio sneered and sat up on the chair, resting his elbows on his knees. "You never answered my question, by the way."

"Tell me about yourself," Dr. Joseph settled back into doctor mode, treating the alternate personality like his own patient. Andy stood at the door, stock still and looking a little worried.

Stratzio smiled. "I'm everything Blaine wishes he could be. Blaine's weak, I'm strong, Blaine's shy, I'm outgoing...Blaine was afraid of his dad...I wanted the man to die...that what you were looking for?"

Dr. Joseph took a couple of notes.

"What are you writing?" Stratzio straightened up.

"Just a few things for future reference, that's all."

"Blaine wants me gone. You're trying to get rid of me."

His face had changed from smug to furious in a matter of seconds. Andy stepped forward into the room, his hand on his walkie.

"Calm down, Hulk, I'm not gonna hurt him. Blaine won't stop freaking out, so I figure I'll give the kid a break this time," Stratzio sat back. "I hate Blaine, you know? I hate people like him."

"Is that why you killed his parents? Thinking that maybe he would toughen up having to fend for himself?" Dr. Joseph asked.

"I don't have to tell you anything."

"What harm would it do to tell me?"

Stratzio looked him up and down, studying the old man. He rolled his eyes and sighed.

"No, I didn't do it for Blaine at all...I killed them because I felt like it. Because he didn't feel like it..." Stratzio shrugged.

Dr. Joseph was a little chilled by the confession. "Well...Blaine wants his life back...I intend to give it to him."

Stratzio's smirk sent even more chills down his spine. "Fine...try your worst. In the meantime, I'll be showing you exactly what kind of power I have over the pansy son of a bitch you know as Blaine Anderson."

Stratzio blinked and opened his eyes. They were fearful and worried- Blaine.

No one spoke, frightened by the words spoken by the boy in front of them. Blaine looked up at Dr. Joseph.

"Sir? I wanna go back to my room now."

Dr. Joseph was hesitant. He had never seen anything like it- a personality so daunting or one with such control of the real patient.

"Please? I'm freaked out...just let me go," Blaine let a tear fall down his cheek. Dr. Joseph finally nodded and Blaine stood up and let Andy lead him back to his room. He sat on his bed, his mind racing. He didn't hear Stratzio, but he had an uneasy feeling- the look in the doctor's eyes seemed to set it there.

"Calmati, Blaine," he told himself under his breath. "Questo non ti far male."

_Oh...you just wait._

* * *

><p>Kurt walked into the hospital the next week, humming a song softly to himself and holding a rose in his hand. He knew Blaine's room was too white. It wasn't much, but he figured a little color would brighten it up a bit. He signed in and deposited his wallet, phone and photo in the box next to the empty desk. He figured Kathy was off making rounds. Kurt approached Blaine's door and heard pleading.<p>

"Blaine, I'm sure she's fine," Kathy's voice came from the room.

"No...no she's dead, I killed her and she's dead! I have to find her!"

Kurt ran into the room to see Kathy hugging Blaine close, his eyes manic and red. He looked like he hadn't slept since the last time Kurt saw him.

"What's going on?" Kurt asked, stepping forward.

"Kurt! Tell them! Tell them what I did to Brittany!"

"You didn't do anything to Brittany, Blaine," Kurt looked confused.

"I slit her throat, Kurt! I killed her!"

Kurt felt his stomach lurch. He had just texted Brittany an hour ago, telling her he was going to see Blaine and she told him to make sure he knew that his Kitty Cat loved him.

"Blaine, I just talked to Brittany, she's fine-"

"I fucking killed her!" Blaine screamed and struggled against Kathy, trying to run.

"Baby, please, stop! She's ok," Kurt dropped to his knees in front of Blaine and gathered him into his arms, rubbing circles over the squalling boy's back.  
>Kurt had no idea what else to do except bring him comfort. Why did Blaine think he killed Brittany? Kurt knew it was probably just a delusion, but the way Blaine was reacting, it seemed to be more.<p>

"I can see it, Kurt! I remember everything! I walked into her house and slit her throat in her sleep! She looked at me and then..."

"No, Blaine, that didn't happen," Kurt shook his head. "It's not real, Blaine."

"I can feel it! Her blood is on my face and I can't get if off!" Kurt looked up to see that Blaine had been clawing at his face, angry red nail marks covering the olive skin. Kurt took Blaine's hands in his.

"You didn't do anything, baby, I promise. M-maybe if I called Brittany-"

"I don't want that poor girl to hear this," Kathy said softly.

"Brittany is a little...slow on the uptake. She won't understand anyway...he needs to know she's ok."

Kathy sighed then nodded.

"Blaine, sweetie, I'm going to get my phone to call Brit, ok? She's fine, I promise," Kurt stood up and ran toward the desk at the end of the hall, still hearing Blaine's screams of protest. His fingers fumbled for a moment, but he dialed Brittany's number and prayed that she would answer.

"Kurt? I was in gym, you know that." Brittany's dreamy voice came over the phone.

"I know, Brit, but this is an emergency. Would you mind talking to Blaine?"

"Sure!" she said excitedly. "Why?"

"He may sound a little upset, but just bear with it. Just let him know you're ok."

"Um, ok," she agreed. Kurt walked quickly back to Blaine's room, finding that he had calmed down slightly, but he was still sobbing uncontrollably into Kathy's shoulder. Kurt put his phone on speaker.

"Ok, Brit. Say hi."

"Hi, Dolphin."

Blaine's eyes grew and he looked up at the phone. "B-brittany?"

"No, I'm Kitty Cat, remember?"

Blaine let out a sob of relief. "I thought you were dead."

"No, I'm in gym. I miss you."

Blaine fisted his hands in his hair, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to make sense of what was going on.

"Dolphin? Are you there?"

"Yeah," he replied weakly. "I miss you, too, Kitty Cat."

"I have to go now. I'm ready for you to come home."

Blaine buried his face in his hands. Kurt took her off speaker.

"Thanks, Brit. You helped a lot."

"Good. Take care of my Dolphin, ok?"

"I will...bye."

Kurt hung up the phone and took Blaine's hands.

"See? She's ok. You didn't do anything."

"I don't get it...I can see it...I feel it..."

"I know, but it's not really, ok? Don't worry about it," Kurt kissed Blaine's knuckles. Kathy moved to let Kurt sit with him.

"Andy's right outside," Kathy told Kurt, who nodded, pulling Blaine against his chest. Kathy gave a sympathetic smile and walked out.

Kurt held Blaine for a long time, feeling his small body shaking beside him. Kurt had no idea what to think about what just happened, but he couldn't seem to bring himself to care all that much about anything else but calming Blaine down.

Blaine sniffed and sat up slowly after a while, rubbing his burning eyes.

"Talk to me, Blaine," Kurt said softly, turning his body to face Blaine.

"I...I don't know what's going on. The voice is getting worse...I thought it was going to get better."

Kurt closed his eyes and tried to hide his own tears. "It will, baby...we've just gotten started."

"He's pissed...Stratzio."

Kurt furrowed his eyebrow. "Why?"

"I don't know. He's worse than usual...it's like he's trying to make me hurt..."

Kurt remembered the story he had read on the forum- the voice making the man believe his family was dead and leading him astray. He didn't mention this to Blaine, not wanting to scare him anymore than he already was.

"Just don't stop fighting it, baby," Kurt cupped Blaine's cheek. Blaine's sad, tired eyes looked up into his. Blaine looked lost- the way he did when he first came there- and it broke Kurt's heart.

"Promise me, Blaine. Promise me you won't give in to it. If you do, it's going to take you over and you will never be the same. I love you for who you are, not who this monster is trying to make you out to be. Promise you'll fight with everything you have."

Blaine swallowed hard. "I...I'll try, Kurt."

Kurt reached out and pulled Blaine in close, projecting all his comfort and strength to Blaine through one intimate gesture. Blaine fell into it and sighed against his neck.

"I love you so much. I'd hate to see you lose yourself, because it doesn't matter if it thinks your weak or useless- you aren't and you never have been. You never will be."

Blaine cried into Kurt's shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Kurt."

"Don't be." Kurt kissed his temple and stroked the curls at the bottom of Blaine's neck soothingly. "We're gonna end this- I'll do anything I have to to save you from this. Don't believe anything it tells you. It's all in your mind and you know it."

Blaine nodded and squeezed Kurt tighter, clinging to the last bit of Blaine Anderson he felt he had left.

"Three more months and maybe you can walk out of here free from all of this." Kurt let him go and held his face in his hands. Blaine looked weary, but a tiny glint of hope lingered in his eyes.

"Kurt...will you sing to me?"

Kurt tilted his head. "What?"

"I just want you to sing to me...it makes me feel better," Blaine glanced down at his lap. Kurt smiled softly and lifted his chin.

"Of course I will. What should I sing?"

"I don't care...anything."

Kurt nodded and moved to sit against the wall at the head of Blaine's bed. He pulled Blaine down to where he rested his head on Kurt's lap. Blaine sighed in contentment, gripping the hem of Kurt's shirt tightly in his fist. Kurt thought for a moment, trying to find a song to make Blaine feel better- more confident.

He didn't know why this song came into his head, but he found it appropriate and he knew Blaine secretly loved her.

Skies are crying, I am watching  
>Catching teardrops in my hands<br>Only silence, as it's ending, like we never had a chance.  
>Do you have to make me feel like there's nothing left of me?<p>

Kurt felt Blaine's fingers tighten around his shirt, warm tears staining the thigh of his jeans. Kurt's fingers rested on Blaine's head, twining his hair at the base.

You can take everything I have  
>You can break everything I am<br>Like I'm made of glass  
>Like I'm made of paper<br>Go on and try to tear me down  
>I will be rising from the ground<br>Like a skyscraper, like a skyscraper

As the smoke clears, I awaken  
>And untangle you from me<br>Would it make you feel better to watch me while I bleed?  
>All my windows, still are broken, but I'm standing on my feet<p>

Kurt hoped with all his heart that this would happen- Blaine detaching himself from this horrible disease and letting himself be him again. He didn't believe in God, but Kurt began to sing the song like a prayer, his voice shaking a little with the strain of fighting his tears.

You can take everything I have  
>You can break everything I am<br>Like I'm made of glass  
>Like I'm made of paper<br>Go on and try to tear me down  
>I will be rising from the ground<br>Like a skyscraper, like a skyscraper

Go run run run I'm gonna stay right here  
>Watch you disappear<br>Go run run run yea it's a long way down  
>But I'm closer to the clouds up here.<p>

He felt Blaine's breath evening out. Kurt looked down at the sleeping boy, peace falling over his features and his fingers tangled loosely in the shirt he had gripped so tightly. Kurt sucked in a harsh breath, his chest aching with sadness. He sang the last of the song softly to the small boy.

You can take everything I have  
>You can break everything I am<br>Like I'm made of glass  
>Like I'm made of paper<br>Go on and try to tear me down  
>I will be rising from the ground<br>Like a skyscraper, like a skyscraper  
>Like a skyscraper, like a skyscraper<br>Like a sky scraper.

* * *

><p><strong>I...am...a...HORRIBLE person. Oh well, he'll probably be ok ;)<strong>


	17. A Road Bump

**Moooooore craziness. Don't worry...there's a light in sight. **

* * *

><p>Kurt let Blaine sleep. He sat in the quiet room, letting his thoughts and the events of the morning play out in his mind. He had missed his appointment with Dr. Joseph, but it was secondary in his mind at the moment. Kurt studied Blaine while he slept. Every so often, Blaine's brow would furrow and he would tense his hand in Kurt's shirt again, as if someone was hurting him. Kurt wanted to wake him several times, but saw that Blaine was very tired and needed rest. Kurt couldn't begin to imagine why Blaine would think he had killed Brittany. They hadn't really even talked about Brittany much since the day he came to Kurt's house. Kurt was afraid he had triggered somehting in Blaine's mind when he brought Stratzio out, but it did give Blaine a little relief and that was what was important.<p>

Blaine's eyes began to flutter open, but there was a familiar mischievousness in them that made Kurt's heart race. Blaine sat up, glancing down at Kurt's lap where his head had been resting.

"Well...this is a nice sight to wake up to," he smirked. Kurt felt his stomach lurch.

"What are you doing?" Kurt asked, speaking to Stratzio.

"Apparently, lying in the crotch of the hottest piece of ass I've ever seen," Stratzio squeezed his thigh. Kurt didn't want to give away the fact that it felt amazing and thought of anything to take his mind off of it.

"What did you do to Blaine? I know it was you."

Stratzio sat up and crossed his legs, resting an elbow on his knee and his chin on his palm. "Whatever could you mean, beautiful?"

"Blaine thought he killed Brittany."

Stratzio raised his eyebrows. "Really? Now where would he get an idea like that?" he mocked thoughtfulness.

"Stop it, ok? You're driving him crazy!"

"Oh, he'll be fine," Stratzio waved his hand. "He's trying to get rid of me...I don't like it."

Kurt looked at him questioningly.

"I made him think he killed Brittany."

Kurt's mouth dropped in horror. "You..."

"Like I said, Blaine's weak. Especially in his sleep," Stratzio quirked a grin. "I could make him believe anything I want."

Kurt felt like punching the smug smile off his face, then remembered he would be punching Blaine.

"I figure I make him go apeshit then he'll off himself. I really hate Blaine, you know."

Kurt started to cry. He stood up, shoving Stratzio off him and buried his head in his hands.

"Aww, baby, don't cry," he heard the bed move, warm arms- his lover's arms- circling his waist. "You'll find someone else...someone who isn't so fucked up in the head," Stratzio growled in his ear. Kurt tensed, panicking.

"P-please, stop," Kurt whimpered, tears pouring down his face.

"Ssh, it's ok," Stratzio's hand moves from his waist lower, slowly over the front of Kurt's jeans. "You want Blaine back?"

"Please," Kurt cried. He was shaking, his eyes squeezed shut.

He heard Stratzio chuckled, his hand squeezing Kurt's crotch. "Fine."

The next thing Kurt feels is Stratzio jumping and a quick intake of breath. He backs away and Kurt turns around. Blaine stumbled back onto his bed, his hands covering his mouth. He came back at the exact wrong moment.

"Oh my god...Oh my GOD!"

Blaine buried his head in his hands, sobbing and cursing. Kurt still stood in slight shock. Stratzio brought Blaine back...to fondling a shaking, crying Kurt.

"B-blaine, nothing happened-"

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to, I just-"

"I know, ok?" Kurt scurried over to Blaine to wrap him in his arms, but Blaine backed away.

"Don't, ok! Just...just leave me alone or something, please!" Blaine lay down on his bed, curling into his own body.

"Blaine, you didn't do anything wrong!"

"Mi dispiace," he mumbled repeatedly into his hands.

"Stop apologizing, Blaine, you didn't know and nothing happened. It just scared me a little-"

"I don't want to scare you, don't you get it!" Blaine screamed. "One minute I'm dreaming about getting out of here and getting married and living like a normal fucking person then the next I'm holding you and your crying...and I have no idea..." Blaine squeezed his eyes shut, gripping his hair tightly. "I just want it to stop, Kurt! Please make it stop!"

Kathy came into the room, Dr. Joseph next to her. "What's going on?"

"Stratzio," Kurt said shakily. Blaine was whimpering in Italian into this pillow, still gripping his hair.

"Blaine," Dr. Joseph approached slowly. "Look at me, please."

"Just make it stop, please, just make it stop."

"I want to, Blaine. I need you to calm down and come with me, ok?"

Blaine shook his head.

"You have to, son. I want to help you."

"You can't..."

"I can and I'm going to. I've discovered something that may end up helping you, ok? Please, just let Kurt bring you to my office."

Blaine flinched at Kurt's name, something that had never happened. Kurt wiped his eyes quickly and moved toward Blaine.

"Please, baby...please let him help you...for me," Kurt said softly. Blaine finally opened his eyes and looked into Kurt's. Kurt teared up again and the fear and sadness in the beautiful brown eyes.

"Come on, Blaine," Kurt rested his hand gently on the side of Blaine's head, his heart breaking a little when Blaine flinched. "We wanna make it stop, too."

Blaine choked then sat up slowly, his body still shaking. He didn't let Kurt take his hand, but he stood up and followed Dr. Joseph to his office, Kurt in tow. The boys entered the room and the doctor shut the door.

"I've been studying your file closely, Blaine...I believe you may have Multiple Personality Disorder."

Kurt furrowed his brow, but Blaine sat, emotionless. "Wait, I thought he had schizophrenia."

"This is the strangest case I've ever seen," the doctor sits and removes his glasses, rubbing his tired eyes. "MPD and schizophrenia are two different things, but Blaine here seems to have both. The schizophrenia seems to be mild after my research, but it's the MPD that's what's really getting him. It's a very severe case unlike anything I've ever seen."

Blaine didn't seem to be hearing anything that was being said. He quickly became very interested in a paperweight on Dr. Joseph's desk.

"So...this whole time he's been treated for sever schizophrenia...but he doesn't have it."

"As far as we can tell, the schizophrenia is being over-treated. He's more attentive and less numb lately, so the medication we're using for it is doing it's job...in turn, over-medication can have some pretty bad side effects- such as the more pronounced appearance of this alternate personality."

Kurt took in all that was being said, trying to make sense of the whole thing. Not only did Blaine have a serious mental disorder, he had two. Treatment for one was intensifying the other...

"What can you do?"

"I'm going to take Blaine off his medication for a few days while I do a little more research. We're going to have to put him on watch until then...because Blaine has a history of suicide, we can't take any chances."

Kurt sighed and covered his face. When was this poor boy going to catch a break? Blaine finally looked up, his eyes training on the doctor. He didn't say anything,  
>just studied the older man across from him.<p>

"What should I do?" Kurt finally asked. Dr. Joseph sighed.

"We'll call you once we have this sorted...I think it's best that you discontinue your visits until then."

Kurt knew that was coming, but it didn't hurt any less. He glanced over at Blaine, whose face was still unreadable. He was lost in his mind again, his eyes dead and distant.

"If it will help Blaine...I'll do it."

Blaine's head turned slowly to Kurt, their eyes meeting. Blaine looked down at Kurt's shaking hands and slipped his hand over Kurt's, squeezing gently. Kurt squeezed back, trying to get some form of emotion- happiness, sadness, love, anger- from the boy, but nothing came.

Kurt sighed and leaned forward to press a kiss to Blaine's cheek, tears clinging to his eyelashes. "I love you," he said softly into Blaine's ear. Blaine turned to him.

"I love you, too."

Kurt tried to smile at Blaine, to make him see that this would all be ok. Blaine rested his forehead against Kurt's.

"I'm sorry for everything. I'll do my best."

Kurt nodded and stood slowly, still holding Blaine's hand. He wanted to hold on as long as he could. Kurt had no idea when he would see Blaine agian and it frightened him. Dr. Joseph watched the two boys intently, seeing the pain this was causing both of them. Kurt finally let go.

"You can call me if you need to speak to me about anything, Kurt, but I'm going to recommend you to another therapist in Lima. I think it would be best if you didn't come back here until it's necessary."

Kurt nodded, sniffing. Blaine stared up at him as he backed toward the door.

"Take care of yourself...don't give up."

Blaine nodded slowly, his eyes never breaking their gaze. There was light beginning to shine deep in his eyes. Kurt opened the door and looked back at Blaine. Blaine gave him a small, reassuring, genuine smile.

"Goodbye," Kurt whispered before turning quickly and walking out of the office.

* * *

><p>One month, two weeks and three days.<p>

Kurt counted them off on his calender every single day. He had heard not a single word from St. Patrick's in that period of time. Kathy didn't call him and neither did the doctor. He came home that last afternoon and lay in the bed, eyes dry and mind blank, simply being and waiting. He wasn't really the same after that. Much like when Blaine pushed him away the first time, he stopped worrying about his clothes, settling for comfort over fashion with jeans and t-shirts, going a few days without shaving because every day was a struggle in itself to get out of bed. He had only sang once in glee, singing the song he sang to Blaine the day after he got back. After that, he felt perfectly content to melt into the background. It was were he preferred to be. His conversations were limited with people, staying far away from the subject of his boyfriend, doctors, his own medication, or Columbus, Ohio. He sat and waited patiently, phone usually in hand, for anything.

One month, two weeks and three days turned slowly into two months, a week and four days. Blaine had less than three weeks left on his mandatory hospital stay, but nothing had come. Kurt sat down after placing another red X over the date, sighing and feeling his chest throb painfully. He didn't want to give up hope, but he felt like nothing was ever going to work out. Kurt wanted to believe he would wait for Blaine forever, because he felt in his heart that he would.

_"Aww, baby, don't cry...you'll find someone else...someone who isn't so fucked up in the head."_

The words stung him...the fact that he would ever even think about that made him sick to his stomach. He hated himself for even remembering what that monster had said to him. Kurt grabbed the empty glass that held the warm milk Finn had brought him the night before and threw it hard against the opposite wall, growling in anger. The glass shattered into millions of pieces, skittering across his hardwood bedroom floor. Kurt had never been so angry in his life- sure he had been angry when he heard about Ryan, but that was nothing compared to feeling hatred for oneself. Kurt dropped to his knees on the floor and buried his hands in his hair, crying uncontrollably. He hadn't cried once since he left St. Patrick's. He felt all of the sadness, fear, anger and worry flood from his body. Kurt wanted Blaine again. He didn't fear him anymore like he did when he first left the hospital. He wanted to show him that no matter what he would never let him go alone.

Kurt's phone buzzed on the floor next to him. At first he didn't look up, expecting to see Mercedes' name flash across the screen, but when he finally looked, he saw the name of the hospital light up against the black background.

Kurt grabbed his phone and tried to calm his breathing.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Kurt, it's Kathy. Are you ok?"

"F-fine, I'm fine. Is everything ok?"

"Actually...yes. Dr. Joseph wants to speak to you. We know it's Christmas break, so if you could come in later today-"

"I'll be there in two hours," Kurt stood up quickly, straightening the legs of his jeans.

"Kurt...I want to talk to you about Blaine really quickly."

Kurt didn't like that tone. "I-is he ok?"

"He's a little different...Dr. Joseph with talk to you about the medication and the therapies, but first, I think I should warn you about the changes in Blaine."

Kurt sat down slowly, sighing to prepare himself for the worse.

"The medication Blaine is on is an anti-psychotic. It tends to have strange side effects...he's been a little distant and he may not actually recognize you at first."

This hurt Kurt a bit.

"Also, you may not really understand much of what he's saying...he's been speaking broken English since he started and he goes off subject very easily. The drug he's on is definitely taking it's time, but for now...it's like is brain is shorted out...he'll be ok, it's just taking it's time."

"Will he be able to leave in three weeks?"

Kathy sighed. "I don't know yet."

Kurt swallowed. "Has he...mentioned me at all?"

"Well...a little. It's mostly in his rambling."

Kurt sniffed and stood to grab his keys. "I'll see you in two hours. Thank you."

* * *

><p><strong>The next chapter will be steamy...well...innocently steamy...maybe...depending on what you label as steamy. It's innocent to me, lol, but if you've read anything else of mine, you know I have like...no boundaries. OK, more soon!<strong>


	18. First Time

**If you guys were kind of wondering what these characters looked like in my head, here's a crappy bit of Paint art I posted on deviantArt. .com/#/d471rty**

**Also, hklover12 did a wonderful art of Blaine and Stratzio here: .com/favourites/#/d470qfz . She is the one who also did the video for me. Thank you for about the billionth time for sharing your talents and doing these for me. :)**

**Alright...this is a little shorter, but I wanted a chapter of no angst, no fear, no worries- just Kurt and Blaine reuniting and being together. Enjoy ;).**

* * *

><p>Blaine stuffed his blankets under his mattress, making his bed for the fifth time that day. He tilted his head to the side, studying it, before untucking it again and trying once more.<p>

Blaine made a satisfied noise and looked up out of his window into the parking lot below. He studied each individual car, identifying the make, model and what sort of engine he predicted it had. A black navigator pulled into a parking space next to a 2007 BMW with a V6. A young man stepped out hurriedly and walked toward the building. Blaine couldn't help but smile at the sight of the man. He was very beautiful, but Blaine had a boyfriend...or he thought he did. Something was telling him that he did.

Kurt stepped into the hospital and made his way to the desk.

"I'm here," he huffed. Kathy couldn't help but smile.

"You know he wasn't gonna go anywhere, right?"

"I just...I've been waiting on that call for two months now..." Kurt smiled. Kathy patted his shoulder.

"So, Dr. Joseph first or Blaine?"

"Is that a question?" Kurt rolled his eyes. Kathy shrugged and they walked toward Blaine's door.

"Remember...he's gonna be fine."

Kurt nodded and Kathy knocked. Blaine's door creaked open and there he stood- hair longer and curly, face dusted with stubble and a soft, genuine smile on his face.

"Hi," he greeted Kurt. "I saw you in the parking lot."

He greeted Kurt like a stranger. Kurt fought the urge to wrap his arms around him and never let him go.

"Um...yeah. I came to visit you." Kurt tried to sound friendly.

"That was nice of you. What can I do for you?"

Kurt glanced over at Kathy, confusion still in his eyes.

"Blaine, sweetie, why don't you let Kurt inside and you two can talk. I'm down the hall if Kurt has any questions, ok?"

"Sure," Blaine smiled and took Kurt's hand, pulling him toward the bed. Blaine almost seemed child-like, similar to when he first arrived. Kurt felt the familiar tingle when their hands met, but ignored it and let Blaine sit down on the bed across from him. They both heard the door close gently behind Kathy.

"You look really familiar," Blaine tilted his head. "Do you like music?"

Kurt was a little taken aback at the swift change in conversation. "Yes... I love music."

"I think I've heard you sing before."

Kurt swallowed hard. He remembered things about Kurt...just not Kurt himself...

"You have. I've heard you sing before too."

"Really? Am I good?"

Kurt smiled and nodded. "You have a beautiful voice."

Blaine smiled and blushed. "Thanks. I have a boyfriend."

Again, the swift changed caught Kurt off guard. "Really? What's his name?"

Blaine looked down at this hands. "I can't remember. I remember him singing to me...He smells very good."

Kurt held up his wrist, which was doused with a bit of his cologne. Blaine looked confused, but breathed in. His eyes opened slowly and he looked up at Kurt.

"Yeah...like that."

Kurt smiled softly and hesitantly brushed his fingertips against Blaine's jaw. Blaine's face became dazed.

"You're my boyfriend, aren't you?"

Kurt's face broke into a bright smile and nodded.

"You're very beautiful," Blaine raised a hand to gently map out Kurt's features with his fingertips- his brow, his nose, his lips. Kurt allowed this, feeling his heart warm at the innocence of it. Blaine was starting to remember.

"Si guarda come un angelo," Blaine whispered, still looking over Kurt's face studiously. Kurt blushed and smiled. Blaine lowered his hand and stood up, looking around his room.

"What's wrong, Blaine?" Kurt asked.

"I saw a cat come in through the door. I think it went under the bed," Blaine knelt down, looking for the cat. Kurt wasn't sure what to do. Back before the medication he was told to go with it, then after the medication, he had to convince Blaine it was in his head...now he had no clue.

"Damn, it's gone," Blaine stood up. "I used to have a cat."

Kurt almost wanted to laugh at his insistence and the change in subject, but it wouldn't be right. Blaine moved to sit back on the bed.

"So, why did you come visit me?"

"Well...I haven't seen you in a long time and I missed you very much," Kurt took Blaine's hand. "You're my best friend and I love you."

"I thought you were my boyfriend," Blaine tilted his head.

"I am...you're my best friend, too."

Blaine smiled and hugged Kurt. At first Kurt gasped, but he relaxed into it and wrapped his arms around Blaine.

"I love you too, best friend."

Kurt sighed against Blaine's neck. He remember just a couple of hours before- hating himself and considering leaving Blaine- but being in his arms now, the familiar safety associated with being there, made him feel like he was flying. Blaine sat back and looked at Kurt, his eyes warm and soft.

"How long are you going to be here?" he asked.

"As long as you want me to be, I guess," Kurt shrugged. "I don't have anywhere else to be."

Blaine smiled brightly and lay down on his back beside Kurt, closing his eyes and sighing.

"You gonna go to sleep on me?" Kurt laughed.

"No," Blaine answered. "Just laying here. I like to do this sometimes."

"Mind if I lay with you?"

"Sure," Blaine smiled and moved over. Kurt mimicked Blaine, lying back and closing his eyes. He felt Blaine's callosed hand slip into his and squeeze.

"I've never done this with someone else before."

Kurt let out a small laugh. "What do you usually do?"

"I don't know...just talk. I don't have many people here to talk to."

"Well...now you do. Just talk to me."

So Blaine started talking. He started out talking about singing, then he moved quickly into Italian, which Kurt didn't understand, but it sounded beautiful, then he started talking about cars.

"My dad and me built a car in the backyard when I was 15. It was a fifty-nine Chevy...my dad's dead now, though."

Kurt's eyes opened and he turned to look at Blaine. His face was still holding it's calm expression.

"H-how did he die?"

"I think I killed him," he answered softly. "Actually...I know I did. My mom, too. They hated me."

Kurt anticipated a freak out, but it never came. Blaine moved on to sharks and motorcycles, like the conversation never took place. Kurt turned back to face the ceiling, listening to Blaine's soft voice explain shocks and plugs.

The new Blaine was very different, but it was nice to see him smiling and getting excited about things like he used to be. After a while, Blaine fell silent,  
>turning his head to look at Kurt.<p>

"Have we ever had sex?"

Kurt turned to look into Blaine's eyes. "What?"

"I was just wondering. I remember having sex...but was it with you?"

Kurt didn't want to tell Blaine that the only time he ever had sex he was raped, so he just shook his head.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why haven't we had sex?" Blaine asked. "I really want to have sex with you, but you said we haven't."

Kurt blushed, his body seeming to heat up by about ten degrees. "Well...we've only been together since March...I guess the time just hasn't been right."

Blaine looked thoughtful. Kurt couldn't deny that he wanted to be with Blaine in that way, too, but since Blaine was admitted, the thought was miles out of his head. He wouldn't take advantage of Blaine in this state.

"Kurt? When I'm not here anymore, can I have sex with you?"

Kurt almost laughed out loud at the request, but nodded. "When the time is right."

Blaine smiled. "Cool. I love you."

"I love you too."

"Can I kiss you?"

Kurt blushed again, but nodded. Blaine leaned over and kissed Kurt gently, taking Kurt's cheek gently in his hand. Kurt sighed against it, missing the feel of Blaine's lips on his. Blaine let out a small whine and moved to lie on top of Kurt, their bodies fitting together like two puzzle pieces. Blaine traced Kurt's bottom lip with his tongue and Kurt hesitantly parted his lips to let him in. Blaine gently grinded his hips down on Kurt's. Kurt could feel Blaine through his jeans and moaned softly into Blaine's mouth before running his hand down his back to press him closer.

"Kurt," Blaine sighed and moved from his lips to his jaw, placing small, open mouthed kisses along his neck line. Kurt wanted to stop, but he could tell Blaine didn't and to be truthful with himself...Kurt didn't either.

Blaine groaned against Kurt's neck, grinding in a slow, steady rhythm against Kurt's hips. Kurt dug his fingers into Blaine's back, gripping tightly as he felt the heat coiling in his lower belly.

"Blaine...baby, close," Kurt whimpered. Blaine captured his lips quickly, kissing him with so much love and passion that Kurt's head was swimming. Blaine murmured in Italian then let out a deep, shuddering growl as he came. Kurt had never seen a face so beautiful as Blaine's in ecstasy- lips parted, eyes fluttering, chest heaving with heavy breath. Kurt cried out and came as well, clutching at Blaine's back and pressing his face into Blaine's shoulder to stifle the moans. They lay there for a few moments, holding each other and exchanging light kisses. Blaine lay his head on Kurt's chest and Kurt ran his fingers through Blaine's hair.

"Wow," Blaine sighed.

"Yeah," Kurt smiled lazily. "You ok?"

"Perfect," Blaine replied. "You're so beautiful, Kurt."

Kurt's heart melted with the sincerity of the statement. Kurt hugged Blaine tightly. "So are you, baby."

He felt Blaine smile against his chest and Blaine lifted his head to kiss Kurt gently. They both began to feel a little uncomfortable, having both cum in their pants like thirteen year olds.

"Um...I have some fresh underwear...you know...if you need it," Blaine said, sitting up awkwardly.

"Yeah, that would be nice," Kurt couldn't help giggling. Blaine stood up and walked over to his nightstand to open a drawer and take out two pairs of underwear and a pair of green scrub pants.

"Do you wanna use the bathroom?" Blaine pointed toward the door over in the corner.

Kurt nodded and Blaine handed him the boxer briefs. Kurt smiled and kissed Blaine on the cheek. "I love you."

Blaine smiled and placed a hand on Kurt's cheek. "I love you, too, angelo."

* * *

><p><strong>Well...aawww! <strong>

**This doesn't mean all is sunshine and rainbows, though, so be on the lookout.**

**Si guarda come un angelo- You look like an angel.**


	19. Moving Forward

**SO sorry this took so long. I had my first drill for the National Guard this weekend and it kicked my ASS! This is another filler kind of chapter, but I absolutely love writing Blaine this way. Next chapter will probably be a little darker and we'll hear a bit more from Stratzio, though he's a bit more diluted than he once was. This story isn't far from the end, I'm afraid. Blaine's almost out of the hospital and I MAY go a bit into his time out of the hospital, maybe a little bit as he gets older...I don't know. Let me know what you think. You guys are absolutely amazing. I got an offer to have this story translated on an Italian FF site, so if you have trouble with English, my Italian friends, it will soon be on there. **

* * *

><p>Kurt watched Blaine moved around his room, moving things around, not seeming satisfied with the placement of the furniture. They had changed and sat back on Blaine's bed, snuggling for only a few minutes before Blaine was up again.<p>

"I hate this room," Blaine looked around, a slight grimace on his face. "It's sort of boring."

"I've got your room set up at my house. I wanted to ask what color you wanted it," Kurt smiled softly as Blaine walked back over to the small wall desk and pulled the chair out a little before shaking his head and pushing it back in.

"I really like red. It's my favorite color on you. I remember that," Blaine glanced over at Kurt and blushed. Kurt giggled.

"I remember. You always said so when I would wear my red sweater vest when I went to Dalton...I always did because I thought it would impress you," Kurt shook his head. "I was smitten."

Blaine stopped moving, his eyes glazing over in thought.

"What are you thinking about, sweetie?" Kurt asked.

"I was so blind, wasn't I?" he looked up. "Why did it take me so long? You're amazing."

Kurt smiled softly. "You said you didn't want to screw up our friendship...to me, though, we've become better friends since then."

Blaine smiled and walked over to sit cross-legged in front of Kurt. "I'm gonna live with you?"

"Yeah...just for a while."

Blaine looked quizzical. "Does your family like me?"

Kurt took Blaine's hands. "They love you. You remember Finn? Well, he's really excited because he gets a little brother. He was disappointed when he found out I was older than him and he flipped when I told him you were a year under us. Probably two years now that you've been here so long..."

Blaine nodded and sighed softly. "I'm just ready to leave."

Kurt patted Blaine's leg and sat back, indicating that Blaine should sit between his legs and lay back. He did and Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine's chest. "It won't be long, baby, and you can get out of here. You don't know how bad I hate that you have to be here."

Blaine rested his head on Kurt's bicep and closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of his boyfriend.

"You smell really good."

Kurt laughed softly. "Thank you." He noticed that Blaine had repeated himself quite a few times, but he was already getting used to it. Kurt nuzzled the curls on Blaine's head and sighed. "I love you so much."

"Ti amo, angelo," Blaine squeezed Kurt's hands. They sat, mostly in silence, for the next hour, only Blaine breaking the silence every now and then to express a random thought, to which Kurt would happily humor him by asking questions or injecting his own response. Kathy came in after a while.

"Dr. Joseph wants to talk to you boys. Is everything going ok?"

"Yeah," Blaine smiled. "Kurt's my boyfriend."

"He is. He's been very worried about you," Kathy gave Blaine a genuine smile. Blaine took Kurt's hand.

"He won't have to for long. I'm gonna take care of him someday."

Kurt almost wanted to cry. He knew that that probably wouldn't be possible, but he hoped that it would be. He loved taking care of Blaine, don't get him wrong, but Blaine had always been his rock. Kurt missed Blaine holding him and telling him he would be alright. He shook his head and put on a smile.

"I hope so, sweetie," Kathy responded. "Follow me, boys."

Kathy led them toward Dr. Joseph's office, where the doctor sat humming softly under his breath.

"Dr. Joseph, Blaine and Kurt are here." Kathy announced.

"Boys, good to see you! Blaine, how are you feeling today?"

"Fine," Blaine smiled and sat down. "Kurt came to visit."

"I see," Dr. Joseph nodded to Kurt. "Kurt, it's been a long time. Have you talked to the therapist I refered you to in Lima?"

"Yes, sir. He upped my dosage of Prozac because...well," he glanced sideways at Blaine.

"That's fine. Are you feeling better?"

"Yes, sir. I had a rough morning, but other than that I'm better."

Dr. Joseph nodded. "That's good. Now, I wanted to talk to you a little bit about what we're doing now in regards to Blaine's medication." he flipped through Blaine's chart while Blaine began humming Fur Elise and picking at his pants at the knee.

"Blaine is on a low dose of Clozapine for the schizophrenia. So far, he has done very well with it. He's only shown a couple of side effects- the figiting you see there," Dr. Joseph indicated where Blaine was pulling on his pants leg, "and a bit of dizziness and a little weight gain, which we must say is welcome. He's lost quite a bit since he got here."

Kurt nodded and squeezed Blaine's hand. Blaine looked up and smiled at him before staring out the window.

"Now, he's going to have to go every three or four months for blood tests- the medicine may effect the white blood cells and weaken his immune system. For the MPD, we've decided to put him on anti-depressants because of the nature of the personality. It seems Blaine has created this personality as a polar opposite of himself. This Stratzio personality seems proud, but angry. Blaine has signs of PTSD and depression from all of the trauma from his past and it's caused self esteem problems. This fuels this other personality. I believe if we can stabilize the chemical imbalance in Blaine's brain that's caused by the depression, this personality will become dormant and he will be relieved of it."

Kurt smiled. "You really think it could go away?"

"I believe so, Kurt. It will take a lot of outside influence, however. It could easily come back if he relapses. Blaine will likely be leaving on the date he is intended and be going home with you. I will probably tell you all of this before you go home, but you and your family are going to have to really work with Blaine."

"We've talked about it sir," Kurt glanced over at Blaine. He was leaning back in the chair, his eyes closed but the boy was obviously not asleep, "We've decided that my step-mom will be with him in the daytime and she'll work the night shift. When I get home from school, I'll take over so she can sleep. Someone will always be with him."

Dr. Joseph nodded. "Good. You won't have to do it forever, but for a few weeks, it will be a necessity. He has been isolated from the world for so long, it will be a long road to readjustment. He isn't going back to school until he's cleared to do so, but I want you go try and either start bringing people over to visit him- friends, teachers, family- or get him out a little. The more he socializes, the easier his recovery will be."

"Now, another thing is to make sure he talks. Don't let him keep things bottled up. He'll probably fight you because he doesn't want to hurt you with what he wants to say, but it doesn't matter- let him get it out."

Blaine laughed out loud, causing Kurt and Dr. Joseph to look at him.

"Sorry, it's nothing," Blaine shook his head and waved them off. "Just a funny joke I remember. Sorry."

Kurt couldn't help but smile. "You're silly."

Blaine stuck his tongue out and looked back out the window.

"He's probably going to do that quite a bit- communicate with the thoughts in his head- but he's fine, just let him do it. Only intervine if it's dangerous to him."

Kurt nodded, still watching Blaine. His eyes didn't bear the dark fearful burn it did last time Kurt saw him. As the sun shined into the window it seemed to illuminate his skin, making him glow. His face was calm and curious, his head tilted slightly like he was studying something outside. Kurt instinctivly ran his thumb over Blaine's knuckles.

"I suppose that's all for now. I would like your parents to come in the week before he leaves to get a similar breifing. For now, you two are free to visit."

Kurt thanked him and lightly touched Blaine's shoulder, pulling him from deep thought.

"Ready to go back to your room?"

"Are you gonna stay?"

Kurt smiled. "For a while."

Blaine smiled and hopped up, taking Kurt's hand and leading him out of the office back toward the room. Blaine led Kurt to the bed and sat him down before running over to his dresser and pulling out the photo album Kurt had brought him.

"You brought me this, didn't you?"

Kurt nodded and Blaine sat down on the bed, his feet barely brushing the floor. Kurt giggled a little. Blaine was short and his innocence made him seem like a child. Kurt didn't mind- he was proud of him regardless. Blaine flipped open the book and looked at the photos, some with the same memories he had explained before and some with new memories.

Kurt felt his heart clench when he saw the newspaper article. Blaine tilted his head slightly.

"I miss Laura. She would have loved you. She'd be 14." Blaine traced the outline of the photo on the obituary, the small girl's toothless smile beaming up at him. "It was really weird- we had visitation before the funeral and got to go see her in her coffin. She looked so peaceful, just like when she used to get in the bed with me after a bad dream. They had to fix her chest from where the limb was, but you couldn't tell. I didn't touch it."

His face was void of emotion, quite unlike the usual Blaine. Kurt sniffed back tears.

"Dad had to carry Mom out, but I stood there and held her hand. It doesn't even feel like skin anymore after they fix them. It's weird."

Blaine put the album down and looked at Kurt. "I like to remember her at the birthday party. We played hide and seek and when I found her I tickled her...she was grabbing at my hands and giggling...her hands were warm then. I hate thinking about her cold."

Kurt choked back a sob and forced a smile. "I'm glad you don't."

Blaine tilted his head again. "You know, Laura talks to me sometimes. She likes being dead, but she misses me." Blaine took Kurt's hands. "I didn't mean to make you sad."

Kurt shook his head. "No, it's ok. I just thought of my mom when you were talking about the skin...she was always using moisturizer and stuff to make it soft.  
>I remember touching her hand after she died and it wasn't the same."<p>

Blaine squeezed his hands. "I bet her and Laura are somewhere. Laura sees Mom and Dad...maybe she met your mom and they're having fun now."

Kurt swallowed hard. "I don't believe in Heaven."

"Me either," Blaine shrugged. "But Laura said I don't have to. They're out there somewhere."

Kurt really wanted to believe that this life wasn't the only one there was, but it was hard for him. It didn't seem rational. But Blaine seemed to strongly believe that there was more and the hope that Kurt had that his mother and Laura- even maybe Blaine's parents- were out there somewhere was fueled by that belief and the warm smile the Blaine gave him.

"I'm ready to go home, angelo," Blaine sighed, fiddling with Kurt's fingers in his hand.

Kurt smiled. "Soon, sweetie. Soon enough."

* * *

><p><strong>I promise to have more soon. It's a little slow going at the moment because I'm getting a little swamped. I hope to have this finished in the next month because I'm shipping out to basic the DAY Glee starts back...I'm missing the first 17 weeks of Season 3...thank Jesus for Hulu and DVD box sets! Hooah!<strong>


	20. Facing It

**This is the next to last chapter, but the epilogue is gonna be a biggie, so I'm not gonna totally leave you hanging. I just have to say that you guys are the most amazing readers ever. I wish I could thank each and every one of you for enjoying this story and reviewing and making things for the story and messaging me about how this has effected you, but the best I can do is put it in an author's note and hope you read it. So thank you all for reading and enjoying. This will definitely not be the last story I ever write here, but it's certainly been my favorite because of your response. **

**Hope you guys enjoy. Strazio actually cares for Blaine, as some of you will see. He has been an asshole at the prospect of being eradicated, but as he is Blaine, he suffers with him...make sense? Anyway, we find out what really happens the night Blaine's parents die from the only one who truly knows.**

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><p>The briefing Kurt and his parents got two weeks later was very similar to the one he got- someone must be with him at all times for a few weeks, make sure he takes his medicine, no sharp objects, be patient.<p>

The week before Blaine came home, Kurt went every day to see him after school. He hadn't changed much- his thoughts were still pretty random, a little silly or endearing as they sat cross-legged on his bed. Blaine loved to talk and Kurt loved to listen. Blaine taught him a few Italian phrases and shared snippets of songs he had written in his head. Sometimes, Blaine would be a little off, looking angry in the middle of a normal conversation, laughing out loud when Kurt was trying to be sweet to him, but Kurt let it go as the other personality. The doctor said that he was more at bay now, but he didn't send Blaine's medicine the day before like he usually did. This bothered Kurt a little since they stressed so much that he should take it every day.

Two days before Blaine was scheduled to leave, they were interrupted from exchanging kisses and giggling about Kurt's feeble attempts at the Italian dialect by Kathy.

"Dr. Joseph has something he wants to try. Can you boys come with me?" she looked a little nervous, but Kurt took Blaine's hand and led him down the hall behind Kathy to the office.

"Kathy, send Andy in and shut the door, please," Dr. Joseph motioned for the boys to sit. Kathy nodded and walked out of the door to find Andy.

"You may have noticed that I withheld Blaine's medicine yesterday and today," he sat on the desk in front of them. Kurt nodded, but Blaine didn't respond. He couldn't care less about his medication.

"Well, the reason I have is because the police still need a full report on the murder," he cleared his throat. "I believe Strazio may hold those details."

Kurt's breathing hitched. "You want to bring him back after you finally got him somewhat under control!"

"Kurt, I understand how you feel about that, but unfortunately, Blaine himself doesn't remember it. From what I've heard from the other personality, he was actually the one to commit the crime and the details of that crime need to be documented. I have an officer on his way and Andy will be here."

Kurt looked over at Blaine, who returned his gaze with a warm smile. He seemed to not understand what was going on.

"Blaine...you realize this means that Strazio has to come back, right?"

Blaine nodded.

"Are you ok with this?"

"Well...maybe it could make him shut up...I mean, he's not so bad anymore, but every so often, he tries to get angry...I just want to get it out of my head."

Kurt sighed. The door opened and an officer and the security guard walked in, the officer holding a tape recorder in his hand. The door closed quietly and Andy stood against it.

"Are you ready, Blaine?" Dr. Joseph asked.

Blaine looked a little scared so Kurt took his hand and squeezed. Blaine let out a breath and nodded.

"Ok...close your eyes, let everything go," Dr. Joseph said soothingly. "We just need the memories, Blaine, so get what we need and don't lose yourself."

Blaine squeezed his eyes closed, concentrating hard on what he was looking for. His hand in Kurt's was squeezing hard.

"What do you see, Blaine?" Dr. Joseph asked as the tape recorder clicked.

"M-my dad...I'm telling him that I can't take it anymore and I'm going to Kurt's."

"How does he react to you going to Kurt's?"

"He's really angry. He says he's not gonna let me go. I'm telling him that I don't care what he says and I can't take being at home anymore. He hit me."

Blaine remembered that much- the back of his father's hand connecting with the side of his face, the look of disgust on his face. This is usually where the memory started to go fuzzy, but now it was crystal clear.

"Then he said I needed to go to my room and stay there...that I was never going to see Kurt again," Blaine's hands started shaking, his blood pulsing through his veins. He felt rage he didn't know he had, but he fought to keep it inside.

"Then what happened, Blaine," the doctor asked with a look of nervousness in his eyes. Kurt had to let go of Blaine's hand and flex his fingers. Blaine gripped the edge of the chair.

"I grabbed him by the shirt and threw him against the wall..."

_Strazio slammed Mr. Anderson against the wall of the staircase._

_"What the hell is wrong with you, Blaine!" he barked at his son._

_"You know what? I'm sick of this," Strazio growled. "Blaine's tried being nice- tried to be everything you wanted- and you spit on him like a dog! If Blaine won't do it, then I will!"_

_"You are Blaine! Let me go!"_

_Strazio punched Mr. Anderson between the eyes, watching them fall out of focus before wrapping his hands around his neck, squeezing with all the strength he could gather. Lifting him up the wall, he held him high by the neck, Mr. Anderson's toes scrambling to reach the floor._

_"B-blaine-"_

_"Blaine's gone!" Strazio squeezed tighter, dragging a horrible gargling choke from the man. "You're nothing but a bitter old man who thinks that just because you have a little money in your bank account that you can treat everyone like shit, including your son! He does everything but lick you overpriced boots and just because he's in love with a boy, he's nothing! You did this to him! You made me!"_

_Mr. Anderson's eyes were full and flashing with fear. His lips were turning blue._

_"S...stop," he tried to choke out, but it only drove Strazio to tighten his grip. He wanted this man dead- to suffer like he and Blaine had suffered._

_With a couple of final rasping gasps, Blaine's father shuddered and stilled, going limp in Strazio's hands. Strazio let him go and he dropped like a ton of bricks to the floor, dead._

Blaine had tears pouring down his face, his knuckles white against the chair arms. He stood up and paced, fighting back the urge to scream.

"You're doing very well, Blaine," Dr. Joseph's voice shook. Andy stood up a little straighter against the door, ready to act. "Only a little bit longer."

"I can't-" Blaine fisted his hair, gritting his teeth.

"You can, Blaine, you're doing it. What happened next?"

Blaine leaned against the wall, his head thumping against the plaster. Kurt turned to watch him, his heart racing and stomach turning with the details spilling from Blaine's mouth. He wanted so badly to hold him and stop his tears, but he knew it had to be done.

"Um...I remember hearing my mom."

_"Blaine! What are you yelling about! What was tha-" Blaine's mother froze. Strazio stood over Mr. Anderson's body, panting from the exertion of squeezing the life from the man. Blaine's mother let out a painful scream and covered her face with her hands._

_"Blaine! What did you do!"_

_"M-mom, I'm sorry! I didn't-" Blaine stammered, trying to make sense of why he was standing there. Mrs. Anderson approached him quickly and began hitting him,__ her arms flying against his side._

_"You killed him! You fucking bastard! How could you?"_

_"Ah, mom, I don't know what happened!" Blaine covered his face and ducked away from the blows, tears streaming from his eyes. All he could think of was getting away- getting to a phone and calling Kurt, desperate for his voice._

_He shoved his mother away and ran up the stairs, stumbling as his knees shook with fear. He finally got up the stairs and into his room to collapse on the floor next to his bed._

"And you called Kurt?"

"Y-yeah," Blaine dropped to the floor, not knowing what else to do but sit and fight the rush he was feeling.

"After you called Kurt, what happened?"

_"-Oh, god why won't she just SHUT UP!" Blaine screamed toward the door._

**_She won't shut up until you make her, Blaine._**

_"Blaine, stop! Call the police and say it was an accident."_

_"She saw, Kurt, she saw everything! I can't-"_

_Blaine shot up off the floor and bolted down the stairs, his head slipping in and out of focus. He heard Kurt begging him to stop, his sweet, but frantic voice drifting from the phone in his hand. Strazio rounded on Blaine's mother._

_"Blaine, what are you doing!"_

_He growled and shoved her to the ground, her head thudding hard on the floor of the kitchen. He grabbed a knife from the counter._

_"I'm sorry, Kurt," Strazio said softly and ended the call, tossing the phone to the floor. He leaned down and straddled Mrs. Anderson before plunging the knife into her chest. She let out a horrible, flooded scream as he continued, blood spraying his face as he went. She gripped at his shirt, trying to anchor to life, but Strazio tilted her head back by the hair and dragged the knife across her throat. She jerked in his hands before becoming motionless, eyes wide with fear._

_Blaine let out a choked sob and scrambled backward off his mother and backed into the corner, staring in disbelief. He leaned over and threw up into the vase beside him, his body racking with sobs. Blaine clutched the knife in his hand, blood dripping down his fist._

**_It's done, Blaine. They're gone._**

_"Why are you doing this to me!"_

**_I'm you, Blaine._**

_"Stop it!"_

**_This is what you wanted. You're free now._**

_Blaine fisted his hair in his bloody hands. "I didn't want this."_

**_You did...that's why you made me. They were hurting you, Blaine. Hurting us. You can't let people hurt you anymore._**

_"Kurt-"_

**_Kurt will be fine. He loves you. Don't let me hurt him, too._**

_Blaine squeezed his eyes shut and sat in silence, his choked cries the only noise in the house. The door opened and he heard Kurt retching. Blaine curled tighter into the corner. Kurt appeared slowly around the arch of the kitchen doorway and he cursed and slid down the wall, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. Blaine tried to melt into the wall. He didn't want Kurt to find him._

_"B-blaine?" he sweet voice called to him._

**_Let him find you, Blaine._**

_Blaine shuffled into a sitting position and Kurt's eyes locked on his and he ran forward and froze at the sight of Blaine._

_"Blaine, sweetie, give me the knife."_

_Blaine shook his head, his eyes shutting tightly._

_"Baby, come on, we have to figure this out."_

_"They're better now, right?" Blaine asked, his voice shaking. "They don't have to worry about me. I can't disappoint them anymore."_

_Kurt covered his mouth with his hand to stifle a sob. "Blaine...give me the knife."_

_"I hated them so much, Kurt. They hated me too."_

_"Blaine, stop."_

_Blaine's eyes snapped up and met Kurt's, a slightly crazed look glazing them over. "You're disappointed in me too."_

_Kurt's eyes grew wide. "No, Blaine, I'm just scared. You're scaring me!"_

_"I ruin everything! I don't deserve you. You don't need me anymore," he gripped his hair and squeezed his eyes shut._

**_Blaine, dont!_**

_"Blaine, stop!" Kurt moved to pry Blaine's hands away, but the move was the wrong one. Blaine lunged forward and tackled Kurt to the ground, the knife cutting into Kurt's cheek. He let out a cry of pain as Blaine grabbed his wrists with one of his hands. Kurt struggled, tears burning his eyes and the salty tracks falling down into the deep cut on his face. Blaine kissed him roughly, his teeth digging into Kurt's lip and drawing blood. Kurt didn't want to, but he brought his knee up, kicking Blaine in the groin and shoving the boy off of him. Something like realization came over Blaine's face and he looked at Kurt, his eyes boring holes into Kurt's own eyes. Without breaking the gaze, Blaine stabbed himself in the wrist, dragging the knife across it._

_"No, Blaine!"_

Blaine stood from the floor and screamed before kicking over his vacated chair. Andy ran forward and threw his arms around his chest, holding his arms down. Blaine scream-sobbed and collapsed to the floor, burying his head in his hands. Kurt had his head hidden in his knees, shaking and trying to be anywhere else but in that room, hearing the disturbing details.

"Blaine?" Dr. Joseph knelt down in front of the frightened boy, not touching him. "Blaine, calm down, you're done. You did so well. You fought back!"

Blaine dropped his hands and tried to calm his breathing. The officer pressed the stop button on the recorder, tears in his own eyes and a look of sympathy set on the boy on the floor.

"Thank you, Dr. Joseph," he said. "I'll leave you to it." The officer made his way toward the door and left.

Dr. Joseph looked up at Kurt, who was still hiding his face in his knees. He moved over to him and knelt before him.

"It's over, Kurt. Calm down, he's ok."

Kurt looked up slowly and wiped his eyes. He looked over at Blaine, where Andy was still holding him. His eyes looked a little distant, but he seemed calm.

Kurt slid his legs back to the floor and slowly moved toward Blaine. He sat on his knees in front of him.

"Blaine? Can you look at me?"

Blaine sniffed and moved his gaze to Kurt's.

"You ok?"

Blaine gave him a small smile. "I feel great."

Kurt let out a sob of relief and wrapped his arms around Blaine, holding him tightly. Blaine buried his face into Kurt's neck and took a deep breath.

"You smell nice," he whispered.

Kurt let out a laugh and pulled back to kiss him passionately on the lips, ignoring the people around him. He felt the old Blaine kissing him. It wasn't tentative or questioning anymore- it was sure and strong. Blaine let him go and gripped his hands.

"Kurt, I'm not gonna let this get to me. I'm going to fight this with everything I have and I'm going to take care of you. You've done so much for me in these six months and now I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. I want to be there for you, now."

Kurt nodded. "I'm so proud of you, Blaine. I love you!"

"I love you, too, angelo," Blaine kissed his forehead and rested them together. "Forever."

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><p>The morning was warm and bright the day Blaine finally stepped out of St. Patrick's. Burt carried his duffel bag to the car while Kathy hugged him tight.<p>

"I'm going to miss you, Blaine."

"I'll miss you, too, Kathy. I'm sorry to say I won't miss this place, though," he looked around at the overpowering hospital.

"I understand, sweetie. You keep fighting, ok?"

Blaine nodded and smiled. "Thank you for everything. I think Kurt would have been worried sick if it weren't for you."

Kathy cupped his cheek. "It was the least I could do. You two are very special and I wish you both the best of luck."

Kurt took Blaine's hand and squeezed. "I don't think we're gonna need it."

Kathy smiled and hugged Kurt before stepping back, wiping a tear from her eyes. "Go on home, Blaine."

Blaine and Kurt said a final goodbye before walking toward the car and climbing in. Carole gave them a warm smile from the front seat and Burt settled in the driver's side, cranking up the Navigator.

"Let's go home, boys."

They pulled out of the hospital and onto the road. Blaine wrapped an arm around Kurt and pulled his head down into his shoulder, nuzzling Kurt's hair with his nose. Kurt relaxed into him and closed his eyes. There would be slips, attacks, losses of patience, yelling and thoughts of completely giving up, but as Kurt felt Blaine's arm tighten around him and the warmth of his body against his, Kurt knew that none of it would matter. Blaine would still be there- still be his- and that's all Kurt could ever ask for.

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><p><strong>Remember, not done yet. Epilogue next. <strong>


	21. Epilogue Never Giving Up

**Last chapter, ladies and gents. All 6k words of it! I squalled like a baby writing this. Not because of the dramatic ending, but because I really hate that this is over. You guys have been so awesome to me about this story and I hope that one day maybe I can make something as good or better than this for you guys. I give each and every one of you virtual hugs and butterfly kisses :). I wish all of you well and wish me luck as I head off for basic. It's gonna be tough, but I'm gonna make it. **

**3 KC**

**Warnings in this chapter: smut, attempted suicide, likely misuse of Italian phrases :). I'm trying my best, folks!**

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><p>"Come on, baby, you have to eat."<p>

Blaine didn't respond. Kurt stared at his gray t-shirt clad back, waiting for some movement, but none came. Kurt knew Blaine was awake because the humming he was doing was cut short just as Kurt opened the door.

"Blaine, I know you're awake. You haven't eaten since yesterday morning."

Blaine stared ahead of him at the opposite wall, only vaguely hearing what Kurt was saying. It had been three months since he left the hospital and not being around doctors and nurses seemed to pulled him back into the reality of his situation. He took his medicine under the supervision of Kurt or Burt every day like he was supposed to, but more often than not, he slid it under his tongue then went to spit it out in the toilet. Kurt moved slowly toward Blaine's bed and sat down, not touching Blaine because of what happened the last time- Kurt ended up with a bruised jaw and Blaine was a stuttering mess.

"Come on, sweetie. I'm worried. It's time for your medicine as well. Talk to me, Blaine."

Blaine sighed and turned onto his back.

"Il mio corpo fa male," (My body aches.) he said, his voice hoarse from lack of use.

Kurt sighed. "Rotolare," (Roll over.) he responded. Kurt started learning Italian shortly before Blaine came home from the hospital. He figured it would be good to know since Blaine often switched between it and English. Blaine shook his head and turned his head to look out the window.

"Roll over, Blaine, and I'll massage your back," Kurt said again.

"I don't wanna move."

"What's going on?" Kurt sat on the bed, crossing his legs.

"Just...bad day," Blaine said flatly. Kurt sighed and placed his hand over Blaine's where it rested on his chest. They sat that way for a bit, staring out of the window. The day was beautiful and clear and Kurt had hoped to take Blaine out for a while. Each time they did go out, it seemed to make him feel a little better, but Kurt could tell the room was where Blaine was going to be.

"Have you ever wished you could fly, Kurt?" Blaine asked, his eyes never leaving the window. Kurt was used to the random questions by now and he simply smiled.

"Sometimes, yeah."

"I wish I could fly away...I wouldn't be bothering you anymore."

Kurt closed his eyes, fighting the lump in his throat. Bad days always turned into days in which Blaine beat himself to death on the inside about putting burden on Kurt and his family.

"You don't, baby. You never will. You know I love you, right?"

"...Yeah."

"Well then...rotolare, angelo," Kurt rubbed Blaine's chest comfortingly. Blaine's head turned slowly and their eyes met. The vacant expression in Blaine's eyes would still haunt Kurt no matter how many times he would see it. Kurt gave Blaine a small reassuring smile and cupped his cheek gently, running his thumb over the stubble on Blaine's cheek. A ghost of a smile reached Blaine's lips and he slowly rolled over on his stomach, tucking his arms under his pillow and resting his head on them.

"Thank you, Blaine," Kurt leaned into his ear and whispered. "You'll never bother me, you know that, right?"

Blaine sniffed and nodded. Kurt wiped a stray tear off his cheek before leaning back up to slowly kneed at the muscles in Blaine's back. He could feel that there were no knots- that the ache he said he felt in his body wasn't possible since Kurt had been in only an hour before and done the exact same thing- but he carefully worked his hands over Blaine's back and shoulders until he saw Blaine was staring at him, his eyes less distant and a look of pure love held in them.

Blaine sat up slowly and rested his head on Kurt's chest, letting the taller boy wrap his arms around him and pull him tight to him.

"Will you come eat now?"

Blaine nodded and Kurt kissed the top of his curly head and took his face into his hands. "Io non ti tradisce." (I will never betray you.)

Blaine gave a small smile. "Non potr mai rinunciare." (I will never give up.)

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><p>Blaine paced the kitchen, hands buried in his hair. Carole was on the phone with Kurt.<p>

"I don't know what happened. We were cooking dinner and he started saying that I couldn't open the oven. He didn't say why but when I did, he just started screaming-"

"Ok, Mom, calm down," Kurt was racing home from work. It had been two years and Kurt decided it would be best to stick around Lima for a while. He had graduated from McKinley as salutatorian, making colleges scramble to have him attend. Every one of them had been turned down with an "I'm sorry. Family troubles". Taking a job at the local mall in the Charlotte Russe was his only option for the time and he enjoyed it, but he was always tired. They discovered that Blaine was skipping his medication and his relapse was horrible. Strazio was coming back at full force and Kurt had once woken to Blaine, or Strazio, standing over him holding a bat the night he and Blaine had fought about him not taking his medicine. After that, Blaine had tried to leave several times, each one ending in calls to the police and frantic cries of worry as Blaine ambled back through the door, eyes cold and body rigid.

Kurt pulled into the driveway and ran up to the door, throwing it open and seeing Carole standing back away from the kitchen.

"Blaine, what's wrong?"

"The stove, Kurt!"

"What's wrong with the stove, Blaine?"

"The flames..." Blaine whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut.

Kurt moved forward cautiously, his mother standing back confused and frightened. "Baby, everything's fine. There's nothing wrong with it. Look..."

Kurt moved slowly toward the stove and put his hand on the handle. He looked up at Blaine, who slumped against the fridge, eyes wide and frantic.

"Kurt, don't-"

"There's nothing wrong, baby...I'm gonna open it now, ok?"

Blaine didn't respond, but he was pleading with Kurt with his eyes. Kurt pulled the door down and let go, leaving it open and showing Blaine that nothing was wrong. Blaine sat down on the floor, looking nothing less than relieved.

"It's ok, sweetheart," Carole's voice shook. "You were just trying to protect me."

Kurt gave Carole a small smile and knelt down in front of Blaine. Blaine was talking quietly to himself.

"Did he tell you the stove was burning?"

Blaine nodded.

"Did you take your medicine? Truthfully, Blaine."

Blaine hesitated, then shook his head.

Kurt sighed and walked over to the island and poured out the Tuesday pills from the weekly pill box. Carole handed him a bottle of water and he walked over to Blaine again, handing him the bottle. Blaine grudgingly took the pills with the water.

"Open your mouth, Blaine," Kurt lifted his chin. Blaine opened wide and lifted his tongue, showing that he had swallowed all five pills.

"Thank you. That wasn't so hard, was it?"

Blaine looked up at Kurt and shook his head.

"Here, I'll finish dinner," Carole walked over to pick up the lasagna she was about to put in the stove. "Why don't you boys go watch a movie?"

"I'm sorry, Carole," Blaine said sadly.

"Sweetheart, it's fine. I promise," she smiled at him. Kurt helped Blaine up and led him toward the living room.

"What do you wanna watch?" Kurt asked, bending down next to the DVD tower.

"I don't care," Blaine shrugged.

Kurt sighed sadly and walked on his knees toward Blaine, spreading them a little to fit his body against Blaine's. He rested his head on Blaine's chest and Blaine slid his fingers through Kurt's hair, toying absently with it.

"I just wanna die, Kurt." he said. Kurt had heard this too many times to even feel any pain from the words.

"No, you don't. I love you too much to let you do that."

Blaine didn't answer. They sat that way for a long time, Kurt laying across Blaine's stomach on his knees, simply holding him until the thoughts in his mind changed.

"Let's watch Rent again," Blaine finally said, his tone a little more spirited. Kurt sat up and gave a weak smile, trying to fight back tears.

"Of course." He stood up and put the live show into the DVD player before settling down next to Blaine. He momentarily felt like running upstairs and sobbing in his bedroom while Blaine was enraptured by the musical, but when he felt Blaine's arm wrap around his shoulder and pull his head down to rest on his chest, Kurt felt the burn in his throat ease. Blaine kissed his head and turned back to the movie, mentally breaking down a mathematical equation to decide exactly how many hours were in 525,600 minutes.

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><p>Blaine poured over his American History book on the couch of their one bedroom apartment three years later, muttering dates and dates to himself. He shook his head a few times as Strazio playfully yelled out the wrong date as he was repeating it. Kurt was cooking pasta in the small kitchen, the sound of Times Square piercing the window glass.<p>

"Stop it!" Blaine growled. Kurt looked up only momentarily to see what the commotion was about then turned back to the sauce he was cooking.

Blaine got his GED with ease and started out at the junior college in Lima. School work always came easy to him and even in his sickness, he was brilliant and the teachers adored him. He and Kurt moved to NYU at the beginning of the semester- Blaine for music, Kurt for fashion. Kurt was interning with GQ magazine and doing very well, even when he was called in the middle of the day by a frantic boyfriend. The weight of a small box in his pocket had been burning into his side for almost a week. He smiled when he thought about it and was waiting for the perfect moment to ask Blaine to marry him, but things had been a little rough lately. That day had actually been a good one sans tantrums and Strazio. Right now, though, it seemed the voice was starting to surface.

"I know it's 1812, it's right here on the page, dipshit," Blaine said aloud.

"Just tell him to suck it," Kurt turned to Blaine. Blaine couldn't keep the smile from crawling across his face and reaching his eyes.

"He always seems to listen to you," Blaine sighed. "It's not fair."

Kurt turned to heat on the eye of the stove to medium and went to sit next to Blaine on the couch. "If he wasn't so determined to get in my pants, he probably wouldn't. He's just jealous," Kurt winked. Blaine blushed and ducked his head. Their sex life was nothing short of normal- well, normal as in no freak outs or hallucinations-only the occasional spanking, dirty talk or flash of Blaine's other personality showing momentarily. Kurt didn't really mind. It was all Blaine and he loved every part of him. With that thought, Kurt sighed and took Blaine's hand in his.

"Blaine...I want to ask you something."

Blaine moved his book off his lap and turned fully to Kurt. "Of course, angelo."

Kurt swallowed and put his hand in his pocket, the black velvet of the box feeling hot against his fingertips. "Blaine, we've been through so much in the past five years...and in that time, we've been strong. Not just for ourselves, but for each other."

Blaine smiled and squeezed Kurt's hand. "I try."

"And I'm so proud of you, Blaine. You're so much better now and it's because you wanted to be- not because of the medicine or the therapists. You could have easily given up and you didn't."

"You could have given up, too, you know," Blaine looked down at their joined hands.

"I never would...I told you once that I would never betray you and I intend to keep that promise...forever."

Blaine looked up into Kurt's eyes to see them shining, his other hand still in his pocket. "Kurt..."

Kurt took a deep breath and moved off the couch, resting on one knee before his boyfriend. Blaine looked a little surprised, like he may have figured it out, but couldn't believe it. Kurt pulled the small box from his pocket and took out the silver band inside it.

"Oh my god," Blaine gasped, covering his mouth with his free hand.

"Blaine Michael Anderson, for the past five years we've been through Hell and back...for the past six, we've loved each other and stayed strong and cried and laughed...I want to do all of that with you until the day I die. Will you marry me?"

Blaine choked a sob, his tear-filled eyes never leaving Kurt's, who were shining as well. "Yes."

Kurt's face broke out in a smile and he lifted Blaine off the couch into a hug, holding his new fiance close in his arms. Blaine buried his face into Kurt's neck,  
>laughing through his tears.<p>

"I love you, angelo," he kissed the soft spot between Kurt's neck and shoulder.

"I love you, too, Blaine." Kurt pulled back enough to pull Blaine's chin up and kiss him passionately. Blaine moaned and fisted Kurt's hair in his hand, pulling him deeper and sliding his tongue along Kurt's bottom lip.

"Bedroom," Kurt whined into his mouth. "Please."

Blaine lifted Kurt into his arms, wrapping his long legs around his slim waist and carried him down the hall, occasionally kissing his lips and exchanging giggles as the stumbled a little. Blaine lay Kurt back on the bed and rolled him on top if him.

"I can't believe it's actually happening," Blaine smiled against Kurt's lips.

"Believe it, baby, I'm all yours," Kurt leaned down to kiss and nip down Blaine's neck, pulling soft gasps and whimpers from the boy beneath him. Kurt sat up and pulled Blaine with him, his shirt quickly discarded along with Kurt's. Blaine ran his rough hands up Kurt's back, his fingers tracing every inch of skin and muscle along its plain. Kurt rocked his hips gently while Blaine bucked up, the rhythm messy, but effective.

"God, Kurt, please," Blaine said against his chest.

Kurt smiled and captured his lips messily before laying him back and removing the NYU sweatpants he was wearing. He almost laughed out loud when he saw Blaine was commando. Strazio didn't like underwear and Blaine would often go without them because he wouldn't really be in his mind when he would get dressed that morning. He was shaken from that thought by Blaine tugging at the black yoga pants Kurt was wearing and slipping them off. They both lay back against the bed, heated skin to heated skin, lips kissing, hands roaming. Kurt reached into the nightstand drawer, fumbling for the lube they were starting to run low on. When he found it, he coated his fingers quickly and lay next to Blaine, his front pressed into Blaine's side.

Blaine bent his leg at the knee as Kurt moved down to trace his entrance, making Blaine gasp and grip at Kurt's neck where he rested his hand. Kurt slipped a finger inside slowly, letting Blaine adjust. They had done this so many times before, but Kurt knew it always hurt a little.

"Mmm, more, angel," Blaine mouthed at the tender spot beneath Kurt's ear, making him shiver. He added another finger, then another, before Blaine was practically begging.

"Kurt, now, please!"

Kurt smiled and placed kisses over Blaine's cheek, eyes and nose before pulling his fingers out and using the excess lube to cover himself. He bent down to capture Blaine's lips, dancing his tongue across Blaine's while he slowly pushed in.

"Ungh, shit!" Blaine moaned and arched, his mouth breaking from Kurt's to fall open in ecstasy. Kurt began a slow rhythm, wanting it to last. Every time they had sex was special, but this was different- this was the beginning of forever. Blaine tightened his legs around Kurt's waist, pushing him deeper. That was Kurt's cue to speed it up a little, so he did.

"Mmm, si sente cos bene, Kurt!" (Mmm, feels so good, Kurt!) Blaine whined as he reached up to run his hands through Kurt sweat-damp hair. Kurt learned to differentiate Blaine's 'frantic Italian' mode and his 'sexy Italian' mode. He seemed to speak it when he was scared and when he was incredibly turned on.

Kurt had fully conquered the language himself after studying it and working with Blaine on it and found that Blaine loved it when Kurt would speak it as well.

"Sei cos bella," (You're so beautiful) Kurt leaned down and breathed against Blaine's ear. "Sei mia per sempre. Io sono tuo per sempre." (You're mine forever. I'm yours forever.)

"Close," Blaine bucked his hips. Kurt reached down and started pumping Blaine in time with his deep, quick thrusts.

"God, I love you, Blaine! Cum for me, baby!" Kurt gripped hard a Blaine's thigh. Blaine cried out and came over Kurt's hand and his own stomach, his body shaking from the impact. Kurt stared down at the shivering boy beneath him and came deep inside Blaine, eyes rolling back and neck craning in pleasure.

Heavy breaths and body heat filled the room as they gathered themselves together. Kurt pulled out slowly and lay down beside Blaine, his head onto Blaine's sweaty chest.

"You're so perfect, Kurt," Blaine sighed and rubbed circles on Kurt's shoulder.

"You're perfect," Kurt smiled and sat up on his elbow to move one of the many longer curls out of Blaine's eyes. "And now, we can be perfect together."

Blaine smiled sleepily and placed a gentle kiss to the tip of Kurt's nose, making the boy scrunch it up and smile. "Deal."

* * *

><p>To say Blaine was a nervous wreck was the understatement of the century. The wedding had been planned out for months- cake, decorations, venue, guests, honeymoon- but nothing could have prepared him for standing in front of a full length mirror in a white tux and a pale blue tie and vest, staring at his reflection and fixing his hair. Kurt loved his silly curls and convinced him not to gel them down after he had gotten a hair cut a few days before the wedding. He felt eyes on him and he turned to see Laura sitting in the corner on a chair.<p>

"Hey, ladybug," he smiled, walking over and taking a seat next to her. She was smiling brightly.

"You look nice. Kurt does, too."

"He always looks nice," Blaine blushed.

"I can't believe you're getting married. It's so weird to see you old," she scrunched her little nose and picked at the rose on his lapel. He attempted to swat her hand away so she wouldn't mess it up, but the petals didn't move under her fingers.

"I'm 24, I'm not old," Blaine rolled his eyes and stood to return to the mirror.

"You look fine, bubba. Kurt loves you anyway."

Blaine smiled, looking back at her in the mirror. "I know. How are Mom and Dad?"

"Fine. They're better now."

Blaine nodded. "Thanks, Laura. Go on, I've gotta get ready."

Laura smiled and in a blink, she was nowhere to be found. Blaine sighed and shook his head, returning to his tie and adjusting it a little.

The door opened and Finn walked in, dressed sharply in a black suit.

"Ready, bro? There's quite a crowd out there. Took your medicine, right?" he looked at Blaine sternly.

"Yep. Didn't want any slip ups today, so I can assure you they're in my system," Blaine laughed.

"Good. Are you nervous?" Finn took the seat Laura had just vacated.

"I guess...yeah, I'm totally freaking out."

"Kurt, too. He looks great, though. You do, too," Finn smiled, seeing Blaine adjusting his tie that didn't need adjusting. "I felt the same way about this time last year and I can assure you, it's not as bad as you'd think. All you're gonna see is him up there."

Blaine smiled and straightened up. "Ok, let's go."

Finn stood up and went to get the door, but he paused for a moment to pull Blaine into a hug.

"Congratulations, man. Not just for the wedding, but for getting better. We're all really proud of you."

Blaine smiled into Finn's shoulder. "Thanks, Finn."

Finn let him go and brushed at the shoulders of Blaine's tux. "Let's go get you married."

They walked out of the dressing room to the entrance of the chapel. Kurt was already out with his father, his best man, and Finn would be walking in with Blaine.

"Does he look nervous?" Blaine asked Finn, who was peering around the corner to indicate that they were ready.

"Totally, but like I said- I've been there already and you'll both be ok."

Blaine closed his eyes and took a deep breath before Finn tapped his shoulder and they stepped out. Finn was absolutely right- when Blaine saw Kurt standing in his matching white tux, pale blue tie and vest, the world disappeared. Blaine literally stopped breathing momentarily as they slowly approached the front, his eyes never breaking from Kurt's, who were starting to shine with tears. Blaine stepped in front of Kurt, facing him full on and giving him a smile. Kurt smiled back and took his hand.

The vows were spoken, the rings exchanged, and the couple was presented. Their friends and family cheered and wept as Blaine and Kurt met half way in their first slow, sweet kiss as husbands. That day, Blaine was ok.

* * *

><p>"Daddy?" Lily padded through the house barefoot, holding her toddling little brother Charlie's hand. "Daddy!"<p>

"I'm in here, Lillian," Kurt called from his sewing machine. At 32, Kurt was a designer for Armani, making suits for men of celebrity and business. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes before standing up to hunt for his daughter.

"Daddy, something's wrong with Papa," Lily looked a little scared. Charlie sucked on his fingers obliviously. At seven years old, Lily knew all about her papa's illness and for her to be scared was a rarity.

"Where is he?" Kurt asked, picking Charlie up and walking down the stairs.

"Your room. I went to ask him to make lunch, but he yelled at me and told me to go away."

Kurt sighed and turned to corner down the hall to their bedroom. Charlie's pack and play sat at the corner of the living room and Kurt placed him inside.

"Watch him and I'll be right back. If all else fails, I'll make lunch," Kurt kissed her curly black hair and turned to open the bedroom door.

Blaine sat back against the head board looking lost, but angry. His knees were drawn up with his arms resting on them, his fingers tapping at the air.

"Blaine, honey," Kurt shut the door carefully. "What's going on? Lily said you yelled at her."

Blaine didn't answer him.

"Come on, sweetheart," Kurt sat on the bed, not touching Blaine. "Talk to me."

"Fuck off, Kurt. I can't even look at you right now," he spat, his voice venomous. Kurt winced.

"Blaine, what's wrong. What did I do?"

"Don't play stupid, Kurt!" Blaine turned to him, his eyes burning into Kurt's. "I get it, I'm fucking crazy, but that doesn't mean you can go around fucking other guys!"

Kurt's eyes widen and mouth dropped. "Blaine, I've never-"

Blaine's hand came in contact with the side of Kurt's face hard, lights popping in his vision momentarily. Blaine gripped his shirt and slammed him against the wall.

"I'm your husband, Kurt! How could you!"

"B-blaine, stop, I didn't! What's he been telling you!"

Blaine cocked his head to the side, glaring at him. "Why are you lying to me?"

"Papa!" Lily had walked into the room when the yelling started, seeing her Daddy held against the wall. "Stop it!"

"Shut up!" he screamed at her, making her crumble to the floor and cry.

"Blaine, baby, calm down, ok? Just take a deep breath and relax-"

Blaine kneed Kurt in the stomach then dropped him on the floor. Kurt gasped and tried to sit up. "B-blaine..."

Blaine stumbled backward, his face still set in anger, but a glint of confusion and fear joined it. He closed his eyes and sat down on the bed, gripping his hair and squeezing his eyes shut. Lily scrambled over to Kurt and tried to help him up. He leaned back against the wall, holding his daughter tight against his chest.

"Blaine...it's me...it's Kurt. Calm down, ok?"

Blaine looked up at Kurt, then to Lily, who shared his eyes. Both were filled with fear and confusion. Blaine heard Charlie crying in the living room, but he didn't move. Kurt let Lily go and heard her whimpering in protest as he slowly moved toward Blaine, kneeling in front of him and resting his hands on Blaine's knees.

"Hey," Kurt said softly.

Blaine's breath hitched when he saw the bruise forming on Kurt's face, right over the permanent scar he had caused the night he killed his parents. Blaine ran his fingertips gently over it, his heart breaking into billions of pieces when Kurt hissed. In his head, Strazio was going crazy, damning him and saying horrible things, many of which Blaine was actually considering.

"Call the police," Blaine finally said.

Kurt furrowed his eyebrows. "What?"

"Call the police, tell them I beat you up, and get me away from you and our children," Blaine said, his voice weak and shaking.

Kurt blinked back tears. "Blaine, stop-"

"I promised I would never hurt you...but I can't keep that promise," Blaine dropped his hand from Kurt's face. "If you don't call them, I will."

"No one's calling the damn police, Blaine. We've gotten through this before and we'll do it again. You said you'd never give up."

Blaine let tears cascade down his face. He looked over at Lily, who was sitting with her knees drawn up, hugging them to her chest and staring at him like he was going to blow up again.

Blaine listened to the sound of Charlie in the living room, crying out for him and Kurt. He refused to let what happened to his parents happen to the three of them. He leaned down to Kurt and kissed him gently on the mouth, letting their tears meet when the rolled down against their lips. Kurt pulled away, looking confused. Blaine looked to Lily, giving her a longing look, then stood up.

"Stay here, Kurt. Keep the kids safe. I love you."

Kurt's confusion grew as he watched Blaine walk over to the window. He slid it open and stepped out onto the ledge.

"Blaine!" Kurt ran over and stuck his head out the window. Blaine was just standing, looking down over the city. From 5 stories up, he can see people walking out of stores, cabs passing by, birds flying low to pick at the food in the deli just down the block. The breeze is playing at his t-shirt and curls.

"Blaine, please," Kurt sobbed. "Come back-"

"Remember when I asked you if you ever wished you could fly? I've always wanted to just fly away..."

"Blaine, goddamnit, stop!" Kurt started trying to climb out of the window, Lily screaming and pulling on his leg. "Lily, let go!"

"Daddy, you'll fall!"

"Lily, please, not now!"

Lily finally dropped his pants leg and sat down on the floor under the window, covering her ears with her hands.

Kurt climbed out and stood next to Blaine, his legs unsteady. Blaine was perfectly still, staring around at the busy square beneath them.

"Baby, please just come back inside. We've always fixed this- we can fix it now."

"I'm tired, Kurt," Blaine turned slowly, his face looking relaxed, but his tears still falling. "And you are, too. Let me go."

"Never!"

"I'm sorry," Blaine sighed. "I love you, angelo."

Blaine stepped forward, but Kurt grabbed his arm and pulled him back quickly, causing them both to stumble a little, but the regained their balance.

Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine and sobbed painfully into his neck. Blaine was unresponsive.

"Blaine, don't you EVER do this again! You're not allowed to give up and I'm not giving up on you! We need you, baby. Lily and Charlie need a Papa and I need my husband. Please, just come back inside."

He felt Blaine tense a little before his body started to tremble. Blaine leaned back a little and rested his forehead against Kurt's, meeting his eyes again.

"Please, Blaine," Kurt cried softly, chest clenched in heartache. "Come back."

Blaine's features slowly gave way and he nodded. Kurt choked with relief and moved so Blaine could enter first. Lily was watching through the window, looking shocked and frightened. When Blaine and Kurt were both inside, Kurt locked the window and Lily ran at Blaine, wrapping her arms tightly around his stomach.

"Please don't try to die again, Papa," she cried. Blaine cried as he knelt down and let her wrap her arms around his neck. "I love you too much."

"I love you, too, Lilybug," he answered softly. Kurt joined them and hugged them both tightly, the three of them crying for a long time before they finally got it together and stood.

"Lily, go check on Charlie," Kurt stroked her hair out of her wet face. She nodded and walked slowly back to the door, glancing back at them before walking out.

Kurt turned to Blaine, who was staring at the floor, looking ashamed.

"I didn't cheat on you," Kurt reestablished the initial reason for the freak out.

"Yeah... I know," Blaine shook his head. Kurt could see the gears in his brain turning just by watching his face. He was kicking his own ass.

"We're gonna get you help again. Tomorrow, we'll go back to Dr. Keegan and talk about it. Blaine, you need to learn to stop blaming yourself for your illness. You can't help it and the kids and I know that. We love you just the same."

Blaine looked back up and nodded. "You didn't give up on me."

Kurt wiped at a tear that was slipping down Blaine's cheek before taking his face in his hands and kissing him softly. Their foreheads rested together and Kurt was reminded of all those years ago, back at St. Patrick's, seeing the same scared little boy he seemed to be facing right now. Kurt stroked Blaine's wet cheek with his thumb.

"I'll never give up on you."

The talk with the doctor came and went.

Birthdays, anniversaries, fashion shows, driving tests, graduations and weddings came and went as well.

Until the day that Blaine Anderson passed away peacefully in his sleep with his husband still by his side, Kurt never gave up. Life was hard, days were good and bad, feelings were hurt, unseen things were seen, voices grew loud and dimmed into darkness in his mind, but Blaine never gave up either.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm an emotional blob of flesh right now...I actually rewrote the whole ending in editing on here. Initially, Blaine jumps and dies, Kurt's kids get taken away because he's such a wreck and he ends up at St. Patrick's after Burt forces him to return to Lima...yeah, I wasn't feeling that. There wouldn't have been real closure for Blaine and that's what I've really wanted. Thank you all again for the 85938493 time for your support.<strong>


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